Help with the Last Line, a Short Poem

[Victoria Bastedo]

Lol. This is completely not important at all. I just wanted to put it on facebook for my friends! Ahem.

'What a Book Should be' and, 'What's Wrong with me',
I can't allow myself to think about these---

For if I do, I can't write the first 'halloo',
Without wondering, if I'm a bumbling _____

Ha ha, bumbling WHAT? It has to rhyme with 'these', right?

 

[CageSage]

cheese (or a rolling cheese)
bees (to make it: 'if I'm bumbling ayes and bees')
tease
wheeze
zombies (bumbling zombies, which would need amendment of the last line: ??)
or last line:
Without bumbling all my wordly responsibilities

I'm sure there are lots to play with.

 

[Victoria Bastedo]

cheese (or a rolling cheese)
bees (to make it: 'if I'm bumbling ayes and bees')
tease
wheeze
zombies (bumbling zombies, which would need amendment of the last line: ??)
or last line:
Without bumbling all my wordly responsibilities

I'm sure there are lots to play with.

I'm liking your effort, but none of these make me sneeze? Fly my kite in a breeze?

 

[CageSage]

That's probably why I'm not a poet

 

[RK Capps]

My mind jumped to bees, but that doesn't suit what your saying. Maybe 'bumbling wannabee'?

 

[Victoria Bastedo]

My mind jumped to bees, but that doesn't suit what your saying. Maybe 'bumbling wannabee'?

Ha ha, that's really close!

 

[RK Capps]

Ha ha, that's really close!

Sorry, just projecting me, lol!!!

 

[gbhunt]

Without wondering, if I'm a bumbling _____

Without wondering if I'm tumbling with the breeze

 

[Victoria Bastedo]

Actually, I like 'tumbling with the breeze' a lot. It sounds like me on a ramble!

 

[Katie-Ellen]

For if I do, I can't write the first 'halloo',
Without wondering, if I'm a bumbling _____

It's about the metre, the scanning as much as the rhyming. This version for instance has 10 beats per line. Count them on your fingers.

Or I can't even write the first 'halloo',
Without this helluva hullaballoo

 

[Hannah F]

Without tumbling off my writing trapeze

 

[Victoria Bastedo]

Katie-Ellen, oh no, I'm off-beat! I'm not surprised about that!
Hannah, I love it. I may just use that one, it's better to take the word 'bumbling' out!