An Instance of Creative Writing (giggle)

Do authors really have the most desirable job in Britain?


Mammoth word counts needed

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Full Member
Sep 25, 2014
Howllll. Yes, another one of these. I'm tickled at this newly discovered rellie. How has he failed to discover I am descended on the maternal line from a naughtiness of Mad King George 111?

Oh, I really must (n't) add him at once. Well done for an attempt story-telling in a language not your native tongue.

[11:47:13 AM] *** Abdul- would like to add you on Skype
Hello Hazeldine
I have been in search of someone with this last name “Hazeldine" and when I saw your name I was pushed to contact you and see how best we can assist each other.
Meanwhile I am Mr. Abdul-Samed Iddrisu, a reputable banker here and my purpose of contacting you is this; On the 15th of March 2007 one Mr. sebelius Hazeldine. a citizen of your country and a crude oil dealer made a fixed deposit with my bank valued at $17,500,000.00 (Seventeen Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) and the due date for this deposit contract is exactly this time of the year.
Sadly Mr. sebelius was among the death victims in the 2008 deadly earthquake in Sichuan china and left nobody for the claim of his deposited fund. He was in china on a business trip and that was how he met his end. You can go through the above website for more information about the earthquake (
Sebelius did not mention any Next of Kin/ Heir when the account was opened because he was not married and no children and if this fund should stays here in our bank after so many years till this time of the year! It will move into the bank treasury account as un-claimed fund and the Top ones here in our bank will share it among themselves.
I don’t want such thing to happen that is the reason why I contacted you and requesting your assistance to receive this fund into your account as the beneficiary hence you bear same surname with the deceased,
Please kindly consider this proposal and send me your reply of interest to my private email address: ( so that I will give you more details on how to proceed,
I am not a greedy person, so I am suggesting we share the funds equal, which is 50%/50% to both parties,
I wait for your response direct to my private email ( and please delete if you are not interested.
For your information it is very difficult for me to talk about this subject on Skype because I am always busy in the office, so I prefer that we keep communicating through e-mail for safety purpose

Abdul-Samed Iddrisu ***

Thanks for the un-looked entertainment, Abdul. Poor Mr Sebelius Hazeldine. And now, haddaway and shi........
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I can't tell you how many of these I get in an old hotmail account, but it would be hundreds over the years. If I'd bothered with them, let me think? Oh yes, I think I could literally buy the moon. Damn, why didn't I do something, silly me. Thanks for the entertainment, and do note, his English is way better than some ;)
Fiction writers, really............. lol
PPS, just had a thought, would he consider splitting it three ways? Nar, didn't think so.... :D
This is clearly the opportunity of a lifetime! Really, Katie, some people get all the luck... Abdul is more than generous to offer you 50/50. What a nice man! I am SO jealous!
The thing is you see, my husband's cousin twenty nine times removed, Sebelius Hazeldine, was in fact drowned by a giant cat-fish while extreme fishing on the Limpopo...sorry, I mean the Po Delta. I know this from my Waterford crystal ball, casting doubt on Abdul's reliability, though not of course, his total sincerity.

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Now seriously, isn't anyone else thinking this is getting just a little, tad bit, fishy????? Hook line and er, sinker :D
Just add breadcrumbs....


Which reminds me of something bizarre. I saw a programme once, an interview with the editor af a daily paper. Now, was it the Daily Star the Daily Sport? One of those. A really hard-nosed editor, might it have been Tony Livesey (?) talking about the more outlandish stories they've covered.
It was not April 1st.

The paper got this call from a woman saying her son had been abducted by aliens. He'd been playing outside, she said, and this bright light came down. She rushed outside, her son was gone. There was a packet of fishfingers though, on the lawn.

a) had her son been abducted
b) Had it been by aliens
c) had they left her and the boy's father this packet of fish fingers by way of a replacement or compensation, as it were?

I'd add

d) Where had the aliens bought the fish fingers AND BTW, just out of curiosity....WHAT BRAND?


e) What in their Human studies had caused them to believe a box of fish fingers was an acceptable exchange for human offspring?


The woman was very distressed. The editor told one of his reporters to get her ar*se straight round there. The fish fingers were in the freezer, no question of eating them for the time being JUST IN CASE they, or one of them, was her son.

Now, here's the thing... did she call the Police?

Just in case one of the fish fingers was her son! Oh my goodness I laughed so, so loudly at that!

I wonder what did happen. I'm sure I once read about a man who claimed aliens were using fishing rods to capture humans. I can't find it now but Google did turn up rod (optics) which are supposedly moths. But, "sky fish"... fish fingers. Who knows! Maybe it was her son. Or the aliens own little Trojan Horse!
42? You can't get 42 out of fish fingers. 10 maybe, but not 42. Seriously that's stretching it a bit. Maybe 11, but only 11 (10 fingers plus the son) ;)
I say, how harsh, nay, unreasonable of him was this:

Livesey said: "One of my other proudest moments was when I didn't quite believe the story 'Aliens turned our son into a fish finger' so I told the reporter to go to Asda buy a packet of fish fingers, mix the child in with them and see if the mother could pick it out."
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Do authors really have the most desirable job in Britain?


Mammoth word counts needed