Help Please! My first agent query letter

[noahkempton]

Hi all!
I am attempting to send out my first agent query letter, but before I do that, I would like some help making sure that it is the best it can be. I'm not sure exactly what criticism I'm looking for, so anything constructive you have to offer would be helpful.


Dear Ethan Ellenberg,

I am writing to you seeking representation for Origins: The Compound, a 113,000 word YA adventure fantasy novel, the first completed work in the Origins Saga, with the sequel, The Kingdom of Thalvia, entering its second draft.

Origins: The Compound follows an orphan boy, Viper, as he grapples with his identity while embarking on a daring rescue mission to save his adoptive brother from a malicious cult of cannibals, unaware of larger forces lurking in and pulling the strings from the shadows.

Alongside the formidable Dale and the mysterious Harlow, Viper fights against time and the land’s perils to save Junn, collecting allies along the way. They had no idea that the salvation of family would reveal a larger plot to end life in Hyravon as they know it. Armed with secrets of the past and enigmatic weaponry, it is up to Viper to unite against the darkness, lest the darkness consume them all.

Fans of Eragon and The Lord of the Rings will one interested in reading Viper’s story. I have received a positive 4 out of 5-star Clarion review by prolific book reviewer John M. Murray of Foreword Reviews, known for his insightful, genre-blending reviews of fiction, on a completed draft of the book. I also have a self-published horror anthology and a sequel to Origins: The Compound in its first draft available upon request.

Though not a sci-fi title, Origins: The Compound will fit in well with other titles you have represented, such as The Solar Queen by Andre Norton for its adventurous, ensemble cast of characters, and the works of John Scalzi for his focus on character as they contend with existential conflicts, such as identity and mortality. Full of vivid detail, strong characters, and injected with sarcasm and humor, Origins: The Compound will feel at home with your representation.

Yours sincerely,
Noah Kempton

 

[RK Wallis]

Hey @noahkempton

Hold onto your hat, the query trenches are brutally discouraging. I've queried four books and it's a totally hit and miss scenario. It's also a frustrating nightmare, and I offer a hand of congrats for getting this far, but I feel for you. It's a bumpy ride ahead. Keep your chin up. We've (mostly) all dipped our toes into the nightmare of querying at one time or another.

First bit of advice - never query in December. Know how you're frantically busy with your current workload at work while simultaneously shutting down as you attend a multitude of Christmas parties? So are agents. Query when they're open again after the holidays. Better yet, subscribe to Querytracker to see what agents are open for queries.

Second thing - word count. For a debut YA Fantasy, yours is way too high. When you submit a high word, it tells agent:

1. you haven't taken the time to work out your genres expectations (which you're doing now, so you're already putting yourself ahead of the pack, and the pack is GIGANTIC and full of dizzyingly amazing writers). This post gives you ball park figures: https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/community/discussions/genre-word-count-guidelines;
2. your book will take more time of their time than they have available on reducing the word count.

Next - the bones of your query needs fleshing out, I highly recommend this blog post as a first port of call:

Query letter template

Use this query letter template to craft a basic query letter that you can use to impress a literary agent and get published.

nathanbransford.com

Nathan was an agent in San Fran for a leading literary agency, Curtis Brown, and then he landed his own agent and transitioned to author.

I see why Viper is going on his adventure, but I don't see what set him on his path. What knocked his world off balance i.e. what is the inciting incident?

Atm, the query is a bit broadstroke. Can you get specific? What's your USP? (unique selling point) What makes your book different from any other?

Next - Don't talk your novel up. Let it speak for itself and let the agent decide for themselves what they think.

The above advice is a lot of info to digest, so I'll leave you in peace to digest that.

Rule of thumb around her - take what resonates and toss the rest.

Cheers
Rachel

P.S. I just noticed you posted this in Cafe Life, not The Lab. For your own privacy (Cafe Life is public), I recommend putting your writing in The Lab. @Jonny, could we move it for @noahkempton ?