Help Please! First attempt at a query letter, please help.

[Bethany]

I've heard many times that a query letter is like a pitch about yourself and your work. I am fully aware that I suck at this, I'm asking for any help. Below is a copy of what I have so far. Also what is the difference between a query and synopsis?


Missy’s Hunt is a modern tale of finding lost children, hidden by magic and a horrid woman. Who do legendary people go to for help? Well, former gods of course.


Artemis, who is now Missy, finds lost things. It’s what she does and who she is.

Heracles, now Eric, is lost but doesn’t know it. He is arrogant and over confident.

Eric seeks out Missy, hoping that she can find his boys. She is his last chance and doesn’t believe she can help him.

Missy takes Eric’s case, soon realizing that she doesn’t really like him, but it’s too late. She has to finish this search one way or another.

Their search leads them to New Orleans where Missy has contacts but someone is trying to keep them from finding the boys. Mysterious people, spells and a child who doesn’t want to meet his father are just some of the obstacles they face.

Missy’s Hunt is a fantasy novel with over 78,000 words and is the first book in a series.



My name is Bethany Huggett, I rediscovered my passion for writing while I was pregnant for my daughter. I enjoy reading almost as much. I have over 450 books, in my personal library, consisting of science fiction, fantasy, paranormal, romance and family sagas.

 

[Nicole Wilson]

You may want to move this to our already existing thread in the back room. It's a members-only thread. I'll give you some feedback in there (that way, the general public can't see your query letter ).

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Roughly speaking as I'm no expert, a Query letter (usual in the USA, synopsis usually for UK etc), is a brief intro to the novel and you with a brief outline of the novel. A synopsis is a one page intro to you novel specifically. As for your query letter, I feel it doesn't flow well, in fact its short sentences, each line having exactly two. I think you could link them in such a way as to make the reading smoother.
EG >

Artemis who is now Missy, finds lost things, it’s what she does and who she is, whilst Heracles, now Eric, is lost but doesn’t know it. He is arrogant and over confident.

I'm sure others will have ideas to help.

 

[Bethany]

@Alistair Roberts Thank you. I have moved this to the thread that Nicole said. How do I delete this thread?

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Go to the top of the page, select edit tools (I think, can't see when I'm not on my own thread) and select delete. I suggest you start your own thread first though (in the Back Room)

 

[Bethany]

I only have the option to Edit Title or Add Poll

 

[Nicole Wilson]

Yeah, you likely won't be able to delete it (I wasn't able to delete mine a while ago). So just go into "edit" under the body of your message, delete the text, and replace it with [moved to back room].