Help Please! Cover letter help.

[Jake E]

I feel like I'm starting to go a bit insane. How is it possible that I can write a 103,000 word novel (and others) but I can't write a cover letter?

Perhaps the collective wisdom of Litopia can help?
Here is what I have so far:

Dear *Insert name of Agent*

I am writing to you in the hope you will consider representing my novel ‘The Voyage to Athanasia’; a 103,000-word Sci-fi space adventure.

Eddie Enis is in trouble. The most ruthless pirate in the galaxy is hunting him and he has nowhere to turn. His family is dead, his friends have deserted him, and he’s eventually captured by Captain Harry; a pirate looking to collect the bounty.

Eddie seems stuck until fate intervenes. With the galaxy hunting him, Harry has more than enough problems of his own. When circumstances force the two to work together Eddie will learn the value of friendship, trust and what it means to be part of a family… even if they are pirates.

I currently work as a supply teacher in the Birmingham area. Though I have always written, this will be the first novel I have sought to publish. If successful, I hope to begin a career in writing and turn my passion for stories into a livelihood.

Writers I admire, and whose writing have influenced this work, are: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, and Brandon Sanderson. I like stories with a touch of humour, and I hope that is reflected in my own writing.

I have attached the first ten thousand words and a synopsis to this Email. I hope you enjoy reading them.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Anything you think I should add, cut, or burn in the yard? (Aside from personalising it to the agent- which I will do once the broader letter is... not garbage.)
Thanks all,
J

 

[Katie-Ellen]

The Cover Letter

Browse...there's plenty more in the archives.

 

[Barbara]

Maybe add a bit about 'why' you're writing to that particular agent.

 

[RK Wallis]

If successful, I hope to begin a career in writing and turn my passion for stories into a livelihood.

I wouldn't say the above. Hate to say it, but agents don't care Unless you made it quick (remember they're reading hundreds of these), something like, "I have more than one story in me." Tells them they'll make more money from you (sorry to sound crass, but agents need to eat too).

 

[Vagabond Heart]

Hi
Good luck with everything. Can I just point out that you haven’t mentioned the age group you’re novel is aimed at, so MG, YA, or adult?

 

[RK Wallis]

Hi
Good luck with everything. Can I just point out that you haven’t mentioned the age group you’re novel is aimed at, so MG, YA, or adult?

Good spotting!

 

[Hannah F]

The style of letter a British agent wants to see is slightly different, it seems, to what an American agent wants to see, so tailor accordingly. Your pitch, in both cases, should reflect the tone of your book. You mention your book has humour, but yours doesn't reflect that. Check out back-cover copies in your comparative author's books.

 

[Jonny]

I am writing to you in the hope you will consider representing my novel ‘The Voyage to Athanasia’; a 103,000-word Sci-fi space adventure.

Hi Jake,

This is quite a small point but it's one I've seen and read, most recently only a few weeks ago on an agent's site.

The reason you're writing is pretty much taken as read by both parties, and to me, this opening portrays a lack of self-confidence in your book and your own abilities. You use the word 'hope' twice in the letter, and I understand you're being polite, but politeness isn't the name of the game here.

Many agents, with subs piles almost scraping the ceiling, won't have the time to observe the niceties. They want to deal with strong commercial concepts presented by confident (not cocky) authors behind them. Think businesslike, as this is a business proposition.

I be inclined to cut your first line particularly because of the word 'hope'. Be confident in your intro and don't waste it by stating the obvious.

Also, as Hannah mentions, your book has lots of humour in it, but after reading the letter no one will know this.

So I'd go with something like:

Dear ****

The Voyage to Athanasia is a 103,000-word rollicking sci-fi romp in the style of... **** and ****

PS. In the words of Manuel from Fawlty Towers: "I know nothing..." so please feel free jettison this post into the Delta Quadrant etc...

 

[RK Wallis]

@Hannah F and @Jonny have hit the nail on the head: if your book has humour, then the query needs humour. You need to go back to the Writing Groups, sorry to say. You've got a query you're happy with; now tinker and make us laugh. I know you can do it

 

[Jake E]

Hi
Good luck with everything. Can I just point out that you haven’t mentioned the age group you’re novel is aimed at, so MG, YA, or adult?

Good catch. I thought I had - must've been in a previous draft :s

As for the humour, I was going for a professional synopsis/blurb hybrid - not quite as dry as the former, not as salesy as the latter. I seem to have missed lol.

this opening portrays a lack of self-confidence in your book and your own abilities

Ah, rumbled. 'Low Self Confidence' would be the title to the soundtrack to my life... followed by 'Social Confusion'.

J

 

[Jonny]

Ah, rumbled. 'Low Self Confidence' would be the title to the soundtrack to my life

I'm not exactly Mr. Assertive myself, Jake. The old saying: 'Practice what you preach" comes to mind in my case.

 

[Jake E]

Any better,

Dear,

‘The Voyage to Athanasia’; a 103,000-word Sci-fi space adventure aimed at adults.

Eddie Enis hates pirates. Which is tough when he comes from a family of them. Shunned and belittled for his honesty, he finds it bittersweet when they’re all murdered in a galactic coup. A coup that sees him hunted by the most ruthless pirate in the galaxy. When he’s captured by Captain Harry; leader of the least competent pirates Eddie’s ever met, his fate seems sealed. That is, until he tells them about the Fountain.

With the galaxy hunting them, Harry has more than enough problems of his own. Ineptitude, a stowaway, and a Mutiny aboard his ship force the two to work together. Their adventure will teach them the value of friendship, trust, and what it means to be part of a family… even if they are pirates.

I currently work as a supply teacher in the Birmingham area. Though I have always written, this will be the first novel I have sought to publish.

Writers I admire, and whose writing have influenced this work, are: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, and Brandon Sanderson. I like stories with a touch of humour – or a smack round the head of it in Pratchett’s case - and I hope that is reflected in my own writing.

I have attached the first ten thousand words and a synopsis to this Email.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

 

[Jonny]

Reads a lot better for me, Jake.

We hear your voice, which here, is both humorous and a lot more confident. We also get the idea that you book might just make us laugh too.

Others might give you some pointers on what they feel should and should not be included - but overall, this sounds so much better.

 

[Jake E]

Reads a lot better for me, Jake.

We hear your voice, which here, is both humorous and a lot more confident. We also get the ide that you book might just make us laugh too.

Others might give you some pointers on what they feel should and should not be included - but overall, this sounds so much better.

Thanks Jonny.

 

[Hannah F]

Any better,

Dear,

‘The Voyage to Athanasia’; a 103,000-word Sci-fi space adventure aimed at adults.

Eddie Enis hates pirates. Which is tough when he comes from a family of them. Shunned and belittled for his honesty, he finds it bittersweet when they’re all murdered in a galactic coup. A coup that sees him hunted by the most ruthless pirate in the galaxy. When he’s captured by Captain Harry; leader of the least competent pirates Eddie’s ever met, his fate seems sealed. That is, until he tells them about the Fountain.

With the galaxy hunting them, Harry has more than enough problems of his own. Ineptitude, a stowaway, and a Mutiny aboard his ship force the two to work together. Their adventure will teach them the value of friendship, trust, and what it means to be part of a family… even if they are pirates.

I currently work as a supply teacher in the Birmingham area. Though I have always written, this will be the first novel I have sought to publish.

Writers I admire, and whose writing have influenced this work, are: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, and Brandon Sanderson. I like stories with a touch of humour – or a smack round the head of it in Pratchett’s case - and I hope that is reflected in my own writing.

I have attached the first ten thousand words and a synopsis to this Email.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Much better! Love the first paragraph of your blurb. I don't think you need to add more. That's intriguing enough.
The second paragraph: "With a galaxy hunting them" is just repetition. The rest - ineptitude, stowaway, mutiny - is not necessary in a blurb. If the agent wants to know more, they can read this in your synopsis.
I like the last line: "The adventure . . . even if they are pirates".

Keep it short and sweet. Just intrigue them and hope that your sample will hook them into wanting the whole MS.

Good Luck.

 

[Paul Angliss]

I feel like I'm starting to go a bit insane. How is it possible that I can write a 103,000 word novel (and others) but I can't write a cover letter?

Perhaps the collective wisdom of Litopia can help?
Here is what I have so far:

Dear *Insert name of Agent*

I am writing to you in the hope you will consider representing my novel ‘The Voyage to Athanasia’; a 103,000-word Sci-fi space adventure.

Eddie Enis is in trouble. The most ruthless pirate in the galaxy is hunting him and he has nowhere to turn. His family is dead, his friends have deserted him, and he’s eventually captured by Captain Harry; a pirate looking to collect the bounty.

Eddie seems stuck until fate intervenes. With the galaxy hunting him, Harry has more than enough problems of his own. When circumstances force the two to work together Eddie will learn the value of friendship, trust and what it means to be part of a family… even if they are pirates.

I currently work as a supply teacher in the Birmingham area. Though I have always written, this will be the first novel I have sought to publish. If successful, I hope to begin a career in writing and turn my passion for stories into a livelihood.

Writers I admire, and whose writing have influenced this work, are: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, and Brandon Sanderson. I like stories with a touch of humour, and I hope that is reflected in my own writing.

I have attached the first ten thousand words and a synopsis to this Email. I hope you enjoy reading them.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Anything you think I should add, cut, or burn in the yard? (Aside from personalising it to the agent- which I will do once the broader letter is... not garbage.)
Thanks all,
J

 

[AliG]

I like the second one much better.

I would add 'complete' as in 'complete at 103,000 words'.

As nowadays you’re expected to do a lot of your own marketing, traditional publisher or not, it may be worthwhile mentioning anything you have in terms of marketing potential eg if you have any platform: Twitter/website/Instagram/facebook page/YouTube/done any radio work/online interviews et cetera. (If not it's worth setting up)

Have you had any writing successes eg winning a short story competition, article published in a magazine, blog tour et cetera? Presented (preferably won) Pop-up submissions?

If there’s anything that makes you particularly suitable to write the story that’s also worth including for example if you happen to teach Physics or have a lifelong interest in Astronomy it might be worth adding as this gives you quasi-expert status.

I think it's worth adding in that you have mapped out the next in the series (if that is actually true) as series potential is huge.

Good luck.

 

[Jake E]

I like the second one much better.

I would add 'complete' as in 'complete at 103,000 words'.

As nowadays you’re expected to do a lot of your own marketing, traditional publisher or not, it may be worthwhile mentioning anything you have in terms of marketing potential eg if you have any platform: Twitter/website/Instagram/facebook page/YouTube/done any radio work/online interviews et cetera. (If not it's worth setting up)

Have you had any writing successes eg winning a short story competition, article published in a magazine, blog tour et cetera? Presented (preferably won) Pop-up submissions?

If there’s anything that makes you particularly suitable to write the story that’s also worth including for example if you happen to teach Physics or have a lifelong interest in Astronomy it might be worth adding as this gives you quasi-expert status.

I think it's worth adding in that you have mapped out the next in the series (if that is actually true) as series potential is huge.

Good luck.

All good suggestions. Unfortunately, I haven't won a writing competition since I was 9 lol.
I'm also a bit of a misanthrope, so social media is something I shun... I feel I might be making life hard for myself by doing so, but there's only so many cats and political post I can look at before I want to go jump off the nearest bridge into traffic. lol.

I have mapped out two follow up novels though. so I might add that in.

Thanks
J