Flash Club December Flash Club

[Emily]

Okay, for December, something short and sweet, since we all tend to be stuck for time at this time of year, what with having to eat ALL the mincepies and guzzle hot whiskies at every opportunity (what? Just me??)

So, the challenge I am putting to you is to write A DITTY (Heads out of the gutter, please)

A ditty is:

ditty

dĭt′ē

noun​

1. A simple song.
2. A song, or poem intended to be sung, usually short and simple in form, and set to a simple melody; any short simple song.
3. The words of a song, as opposed to the tune or music.

Lets leave it at less than 50 words? With a Christmassy /seasonal theme, please!

The entry with the most votes on the 31st of December 2022, will be the winner of an extraordinary hand-crafted (!!) virtual trophy. And, more importantly: some of our very prized, and internationally-renowned, virtual Litopi-cake.

***NOTE!***
A thumbs up/like = 1 vote
"heart-eyes" and a "laughing face" emoji vote = 2 VOTES.


The competition is open to all members. Feel free to enter more than once.

-The main rules here are:

We ask you not to critique

AND

Please make your entry anonymous by clicking the anonymous button, but if you forget, don't worry, that's okay too. (Note: Guardians can see who posts.)

Best of luck!

 

[Anonymous]

But Once a Year
(A Ditty by The Anonymous Snowman)

'Tis the time of year
To gather near
Sing our happy dreams

Go into debt
Eat too much
Carve the family
Into bloody teams

Oh happy day!
Oh Christmas time!
Hoist a pint
(or twenty)

It comes once per year
And between you an me
Once per year is plenty!

 

[Anonymous]

Okay, for December, something short and sweet, since we all tend to be stuck for time at this time of year, what with having to eat ALL the mincepies and guzzle hot whiskies at every opportunity (what? Just me??)

So, the challenge I am putting to you is to write A DITTY (Heads out of the gutter, please)

A ditty is:

ditty

dĭt′ē

noun​

1. A simple song.
2. A song, or poem intended to be sung, usually short and simple in form, and set to a simple melody; any short simple song.
3. The words of a song, as opposed to the tune or music.

Lets leave it at less than 50 words? With a Christmassy /seasonal theme, please!

How critical is the wordcount? Would 80 words be cast into fiery spoon hell?

 

[Anonymous]

This just in! An actual performance of the ditty "But Once a Year" by The Anonymous Snowman!

 

[Emily]

To Anonymous above, ré word count : since its Christmas, I'll relax the rules on the word count

 

[Anonymous]

Dancin’ through George Square at night
Crown of ivy on my head
Shops an’ streets are thronged with lights
I should meet him here, he said
Festive markets in full swing
I’m lookin’ for my Holly King

I’d rather sweep through pinewoods
Or roam the dark hillsides
The city’s where the pulse is, though
So here my King must bide
He waits in every doorway, for us to dance as one
We spin and sing and drink and laugh - for Yuletide’s nearly come

 

[Anonymous]

A pub near the North Pole.

*Pissed singing*


Tis the sh-shnite before Christmas day
I sh-should go to church and p-p-pr-pray.

But I’m at the pub to have some booze
Because shcurch will only make me ssshnooze

Delivering their p-presents? Me? Oh, pha.
Donner is in a kebaaaaab. Hic. Ha ha ha.

Now I have that extra beer
for that jingly f-f-festive cheer
Ia la la laaaaaaaa burp, fart, oh dear.

It's coming home. It's coming home. England. Ia lalalala

 

[Anonymous]

Sorry, probably too long, but I felt it needed the third stanza.

Down south where kiwi birds roam
Santa trades snowy rooftops for foam
Of the incoming tide
As the reindeer all ride
A Sea-Doo till it’s time to go home.

Down south while the barbies heat up
Santa sips pinos gris from a cup.
With sand in his shorts
He’ll play summertime sports
Till the elves tell him it’s time to sup.

Down south where pavlova is king
Santa enjoys his annual fling
Wiggling tired bare feet
In the summertime heat
While we wait for the gifts that he’ll bring.

 

[Anonymous]

DJ, drop a beat!

boom cha, ba-dom dom cha…

it wuz the night before CHRIStmas
but Santa's sleigh had a FLAT
so we pimped up a REINdeer
and fixed it with THAT!

huh, yeah, festive freaks!

Merry Christmas, y'all!

 

[Anonymous]

The cattle are lowing; the baby awakes.
Mary frowns and says, "whisht all your noise for Heaven's sakes.
I love you, little Jesus, but will you give it a rest,
Then I'll tell all the world that, my Christ, you're the best."

 

[Anonymous]

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
You can keep your pud’
Help me write that killer title
Wrap me up a blurb

Give me your choice words, dear Santa
Fill my head with plot
Beta readers' sparkling crits
I'll take all you've got

In the end there’s just one thing
I want above the rest
A book that reaches number one
On your best seller list!

 

[Anonymous]

Oh Blurb
Oh Title
Oh Voice
Oh Emotion
Oh Action
Oh ... WT Fudge is it all about?

Oh Huddle
Oh Pop Ups
Oh Colony
Oh Agent Pete, you wise one
Oh ... just go write already.

 

[Anonymous]

At Christmas there be dragons
curled beneath your tree
eating all the chocolates
and singing merrily.
But dragon breath is fiery;
Your tree'll go up in flames.
So cool them down with ice cream
and calming jigsaw games.
For when the clock chimes midnight
and frosty starts to fly,
there be a dragon willing
to take you way up high.
It sure is very risky
to let dragons feast with you,
but one's a special dragon
who will make your wish come true..

 

[Anonymous]

I bit too hard on the sixpence
I bit too hard on the six
That spoon of pud that hid that six
was bloody hard as bricks


No good wish came of that six
the six that I bit too hard
the six that inflicts me with a fix
is a sixpence gone too far


For I cracked my tooth on that sixpence
and now my tooth is a shard.

 

[Anonymous]

This season is nought but a farce
Since the Christmas tree turned out so sparse
The children are crying
Dad's repenting of buying
And Mum's shoving the star up his… Holy Night.

 

[Emily]

Our December WINNERS are...!

@RG Worsey with her winning entry HERE and @Mel L with her winning entry HERE

Congratulations

 

[Dorm Ant]

Thank you. I was inspired to write mine on a day out to Glasgow with the students on my course. We all wore ivy crowns. I imagined a woman not dissimilar to me, who dislikes crowds and commercialism, though ventures into the city during the Christmas markets and gets into the festive mood, despite herself.

 

[Emily]

It was a beautiful piece, @RG Worsey Well deserved!

 

[Hannah F]

Congratulations to both winners!

 

[Mel L]

Our December WINNERS are...!

@RG Worsey with her winning entry HERE and @Mel L with her winning entry HERE

Congratulations

Thank you! Humbled to be in such great company for my first red-carpet moment. What can I say? Not exactly a Mariah Carey fan but I had an ear-worm, then thought about what every Litopian really wants. I do love flash, it's short and simple like me!