Help Please! bloody cover letters.

[Jake E]

Thanks all.

I'll have another (another) crack.
Perhaps we could persuade Pete to do his next seminar on cover letters ha ha

 

[Jake E]

How is yours a book about books

I understood this to mean 'a story that highlights/takes the Micky/parodies story structure or clichés and plot devices.' a story that is fully aware that it is a story.

That's how i read it in the context of the bio... I could be very wrong lol

 

[LA Thomas]

Thanks all.

I'll have another (another) crack.
Perhaps we could persuade Pete to do his next seminar on cover letters ha ha

Take time to do your research. Use the forum to work on the blurb element separately. I found the best way to learn was to read/listen to other peoples. GL

 

[LA Thomas]

I understood this to mean 'a story that highlights/takes the Micky/parodies story structure or clichés and plot devices.' a story that is fully aware that it is a story.

That's how i read it in the context of the bio... I could be very wrong lol

It’s not something I’ve ever heard of so can’t help, sorry!

 

[Jake E]

Dm me Jake and I’ll send you mine.

Just going back through the posts and I missed this the first time.
I'll PM you shortly

Don't waste words on something that won't make you stand out or sound like an individual. Think of something you've done in your life that says, "hey, this is my personality", or something about yourself. As an example, this is mine:

I'm actually really boring in real life ha ha.

 

[Jake E]

It’s not something I’ve ever heard of so can’t help, sorry!

This is what the bio says:

[I'm looking for] Big epic fantasies with strong characters and something new, particular favourites of mine are Brandon Sanderson and N.K. Jemisin. I love a world that feels original, China Mieville-esque weird is right up my street. Books about books, or with some clever meta-stories, like Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next series or Lev Grossman’s The Magicians.

 

[Jake E]

Ok.

This is what I've got so far.

I've decided to workshop this in parts if that's okay. Any help is appreciated.

I'll start with the first paragraphs.
Some of the advice given so far I have followed, other bits went against the agents specific requirements i.e. the guidelines said not to do it.
For other agents, I'll be able to put more in about the book I guess.

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

It is the story of Derrick, the last wizard, and his quest to avoid any and all responsibility for saving the world despite that being his destiny. I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

how is that?

 

[Vagabond Heart]

Great.

 

[Hannah F]

Ok.

This is what I've got so far.

I've decided to workshop this in parts if that's okay. Any help is appreciated.

I'll start with the first paragraphs.
Some of the advice given so far I have followed, other bits went against the agents specific requirements i.e. the guidelines said not to do it.
For other agents, I'll be able to put more in about the book I guess.

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

It is the story of Derrick, the last wizard, and his quest to avoid any and all responsibility for saving the world despite that being his destiny. I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

how is that?

I would change the order of the first paragraph. "I am seeking representation . . . " is what 99% of letters will say.

I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe my fantasy novel, The Trouble with Prophecies, 85 000 words, fits that description.

It is the story of . . .

"She said she didn't like it." - This feels to me as if it should come straight after "that wasn't my mother." rather than be dropped down a line. The humour works better in continuous flow (imo).

Apart from those wee wee points, I like it.

 

[RK Wallis]

Ok.

This is what I've got so far.

I've decided to workshop this in parts if that's okay. Any help is appreciated.

I'll start with the first paragraphs.
Some of the advice given so far I have followed, other bits went against the agents specific requirements i.e. the guidelines said not to do it.
For other agents, I'll be able to put more in about the book I guess.

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

It is the story of Derrick, the last wizard, and his quest to avoid any and all responsibility for saving the world despite that being his destiny. I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

how is that?

I like this too. I'd consider putting a paragraph break between "destiny" and "I have written it." I had momentary confusion because I expected a sentence on the same line as the story to be the story continued ... and it wasn't. It was entirely different.

I'd consider tightening the story line (that's a long sentence) to something like:

The story of Derrick, the last wizard, involves his quest to avoid responsibility for saving the world despite that being his destiny.

I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe my fantasy novel, The Trouble with Prophecies, 85 000 words, fits that description.

I prefer Hannah's edit of the first line

 

[CageSage]

I believe mine fits that description.

Rather than this (I believe is too much like grovelling), I'd suggest be more forthright:

Title is a story that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey.

Then make the blurb line more about Derrick.

Derrick is the last wizard, and apparently, it's his destiny to save the world, but Derrick has other ideas. As today is Thursday it involves tea and quivernut biscuits, a few experiments with [stuff], and nothing else, thank you very much. Idiots who speak of quests, questers, or anyone who thinks Derrick owes anyone anything can go find another wizard. [at least use your humour in this line/sentence - this is your USP, the humour, so let them see it before they read the opening paras].

etc.

 

[E G Logan]

I understood this to mean 'a story that highlights/takes the Micky/parodies story structure or clichés and plot devices.' a story that is fully aware that it is a story.

Would that be:
Metafiction:
fiction in which the author self-consciously alludes to the artificiality or literariness of a work by parodying or departing from novelistic conventions and traditional narrative techniques. ???

I've always wondered about that.

 

[Jake E]

Would that be:
Metafiction:
fiction in which the author self-consciously alludes to the artificiality or literariness of a work by parodying or departing from novelistic conventions and traditional narrative techniques. ???

I've always wondered about that.

Metafiction is what this story is then.
I definitely do that.

 

[Jake E]

Thanks everyone.

I've tweaked it and I think its the one I'm happy with now.

I just have to write the paragraph about myself and I think I can send it out...

Any advice is welcome.

J

 

[RK Wallis]

Thanks everyone.

I've tweaked it and I think its the one I'm happy with now.

I just have to write the paragraph about myself and I think I can send it out...

Any advice is welcome.

J

Is there something interesting you like to do with your daughter? Something not every parent would do? My dad convinced us as toddlers (for an April Fools) there were little people at the bottom of a hole. Or my great grandmother convinced me there were fairies living in her rose bushes. Anything you could use as a parent?

 

[Jake E]

Is there something interesting you like to do with your daughter? Something not every parent would do? My dad convinced us as toddlers (for an April Fools) there were little people at the bottom of a hole. Or my great grandmother convinced me there were fairies living in her rose bushes. Anything you could use as a parent?

Ha. That's a great idea.

I tell her stories on the way to school about the pixies that live in the wood we walk through on the way.

 

[Jake E]

Ha. That's a great idea.

I tell her stories on the way to school about the pixies that live in the wood we walk through on the way.

How's this?

I am a father of one inquisitive six year old who loves to hear my stories about the naughty pixies that live in the woods by our house and the fairies that have to clean up their pranks.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a special educational needs school.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Be careful not the give a half-asleep agent's assistant who skims your letter the impression that it's a children's book.

Also, all 6-year-olds are inquisitive.

You could simply mention the special needs school and say that you love woodland walks with your daughter?

 

[Hannah F]

What is the maddest, baddest goofiest thing you've ever done? Or maybe 3 facts about yourself only one of which is true.

 

[George Prime]

Hi. I write and submit primarily in the US. I have followed "QUERY SHARK" (agent Janet Reid) and novelist Markus Sakey for examples and tips. Writing the query letter can be almost as difficult as writhing the MS. Basically, what I've learned is you have to SEDUCE the agent or (as Agent Pete has said) convert the agent into a reader. I have not published yet, but a recent query and synopsis won positive nods from an agent- though they did not request the manuscript based on my first 5 pages. You need to convey primarily character and stakes, with little further window dressing. Here's my example:

Dear agent:

Lovelorn psychiatrist Tom Bauer is strong-armed back to the CIA to treat Vera, a delusional Polish spy shot by Russians on US soil. Vera swears to God she’s got the goods to bury Putin; Tom must quell her madness and transfer her to the Poles. But just before the hand-off she escapes and goes rogue across Europe, bringing Polish Intel into the chase. And who’s their lead agent? Marie Novak, Tom’s old flame. But when Marie is sent to follow Vera onto a perilous flight to Russia—Tom smells a trap. The Poles shrug off the risk. CIA stands down. Now it’s Tom who goes rogue, punching above his weight, risking everything to get Marie off that flight…or die trying.

XXXXXXXX is my 76,000-word romantic thriller set against the backdrop of the Polish air disaster of April 10, 2010. I am a ----- in California.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Agents vary in their submission requirements. In the US many don't even ask for comps or synopses. The "SELL" is so important that a writer friend of mine says she will write her next blurb, and query first, THEN choose a title and then write her manuscript. Seems upside down, but it might work.

Good Luck

 

[Jake E]

Hi. I write and submit primarily in the US. I have followed "QUERY SHARK" (agent Janet Reid) and novelist Markus Sakey for examples and tips. Writing the query letter can be almost as difficult as writhing the MS. Basically, what I've learned is you have to SEDUCE the agent or (as Agent Pete has said) convert the agent into a reader. I have not published yet, but a recent query and synopsis won positive nods from an agent- though they did not request the manuscript based on my first 5 pages. You need to convey primarily character and stakes, with little further window dressing. Here's my example:

Dear agent:

Lovelorn psychiatrist Tom Bauer is strong-armed back to the CIA to treat Vera, a delusional Polish spy shot by Russians on US soil. Vera swears to God she’s got the goods to bury Putin; Tom must quell her madness and transfer her to the Poles. But just before the hand-off she escapes and goes rogue across Europe, bringing Polish Intel into the chase. And who’s their lead agent? Marie Novak, Tom’s old flame. But when Marie is sent to follow Vera onto a perilous flight to Russia—Tom smells a trap. The Poles shrug off the risk. CIA stands down. Now it’s Tom who goes rogue, punching above his weight, risking everything to get Marie off that flight…or die trying.

XXXXXXXX is my 76,000-word romantic thriller set against the backdrop of the Polish air disaster of April 10, 2010. I am a ----- in California.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Agents vary in their submission requirements. In the US many don't even ask for comps or synopses. The "SELL" is so important that a writer friend of mine says she will write her next blurb, and query first, THEN choose a title and then write her manuscript. Seems upside down, but it might work.

Good Luck

Thanks George,

Really helpful insights.

 

[Jake E]

What is the maddest, baddest goofiest thing you've ever done? Or maybe 3 facts about yourself only one of which is true.

Maddest?
jumped out of a moving car.

Baddest?
stolen a road sign and used it to close the road outside my old flat to stop traffic noise.

Goofiest?
Danced on a carnival float.

Not sure if I should put any of that in though ha ha

 

[Jake E]

How about this?

I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school. I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually steal her ideas.

 

[RK Wallis]

How about this?

I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school. I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually steal her ideas.

I'm liking this I don't know if you need the last sentence. It might be stronger to end a paragraph on your writing rather than stealing. See what others feel...

 

[Hannah F]

How about this?

I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school. I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually steal her ideas.

Love it!

 

[Vagabond Heart]

Maddest?
jumped out of a moving car.

Baddest?
stolen a road sign and used it to close the road outside my old flat to stop traffic noise.

Goofiest?
Danced on a carnival float.

Not sure if I should put any of that in though ha ha

I wish I'd been around you that day. x

 

[CageSage]

Is the blurb part of the letter going to have the humour that's in the book? That's what I'd expect to see. My interest is in the story, not the home life (unless it's relevant to the story in a material way).

 

[Jake E]

Is the blurb part of the letter going to have the humour that's in the book? That's what I'd expect to see. My interest is in the story, not the home life (unless it's relevant to the story in a material way).

If it were up to me, i wouldn't even have a paragraph about myself, but that's what they ask for lol.

The blurb does have the humour. I posted it here some months ago as a separate post.

 

[CageSage]

If it were up to me, i wouldn't even have a paragraph about myself, but that's what they ask for lol.

The blurb does have the humour. I posted it here some months ago as a separate post.

I know this is the cover letter, but as part of that letter there's often something of a mini-blurb. At some point in this thread, there was a bit about the story, but it read 'straight' rather than showing the humour of Derrick's journey/story. Every piece you send out should include some indication of the humour of Derrick and his story (ie a bit of a blurb with the story humour firmly attached). Don't give a sucker an even break - show them that (story) humour at every opportunity.

 

[Jake E]

Ok.

Here we go.

Which of these am I sending?

1
Dear __________,

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies; a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

It is the story of Derrick, the last wizard, and his quest to avoid any and all responsibility for saving the world despite it being his destiny.
I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually use her ideas.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school.

Thank you for your time.

Jake Joy.

or

2
Dear ____________,

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies; a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

Derrick, the last wizard in the world, has had his fill of prophecies. In his experience, they cause nothing but trouble. So, when he’s dragged on a quest to find the latest Chosen One, he does whatever he can to get out of it, even if it means stirring up more trouble in the process.
I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually use her ideas.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school.

Thank you for your time.

Jake Joy.