Help Please! bloody cover letters.

[Hannah F]

2.

 

[Barbara]

Derrick, the last wizard in the world, has had his fill of prophecies. In his experience, they cause nothing but trouble. So, when he’s dragged on a quest to find the latest Chosen One, he does whatever he can to get out of it, even if it means stirring up more trouble in the process.
I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.

Needs a space between the paras the same way as the other paras. Not sure I'm making sense.

I'm thinking your blub could do with a bit more honing. Neither one flows well enough for my reading eyes.

 

[Jonny]

Late to this, Jake I don’t know what torture, tears and strife you’ve gone through to arrive at this point. I bet it loads, though.

You’re a braver man than me.

As regards which option? Really a close call but I’m leaning towards #2 but not by very much as I like them both.

Best of good fortune to you when you do go out with it.

 

[Jake E]

Needs a space between the paras the same way as the other paras. Not sure I'm making sense.

I'm thinking your blub could do with a bit more honing. Neither one flows well enough for my reading eyes.

Makes perfect sense. It's formatted differently in the letter. It's gone a bit strange on Litopia.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Option 2, though cut the line "In his experience... to ...forced" as it adds nothing.

The last paragraph seems a bit laboured and I suggest you shorten to one line. Do you really want the agent to think you write like a child?

 

[LA Thomas]

I think you are getting there but this still needs work.

I’ve tweaked slightly but I still believe you have more work to do, sorry:

Dear __________,

I read on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe The Trouble with Prophecies, an 85,000 word fantasy fits your criteria.

Derrick, the last wizard in the world, has had his fill of prophecies. They cause nothing but trouble. When he’s dragged on a quest to find the latest Chosen One, he does whatever he can to get out of it, even if it means stirring up more trouble in the process.

The para above needs more specificity. What kind of trouble? What are the stakes? You have repeated the word trouble.

I have removed the next para as agents do not want to hear what your betas think (even though I like the joke about your mother)

I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school.

 

[Claire G]

Ok.

Here we go.

Which of these am I sending?

1
Dear __________,

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies; a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

It is the story of Derrick, the last wizard, and his quest to avoid any and all responsibility for saving the world despite it being his destiny.
I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually use her ideas.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school.

Thank you for your time.

Jake Joy.

or

2
Dear ____________,

I am seeking representation for my novel The Trouble with Prophecies; a fantasy of 85,000 words. I saw on your website that you are looking for meta-stories with strong characters. I believe mine fits that description.

Derrick, the last wizard in the world, has had his fill of prophecies. In his experience, they cause nothing but trouble. So, when he’s dragged on a quest to find the latest Chosen One, he does whatever he can to get out of it, even if it means stirring up more trouble in the process.
I have written it in a way that pokes fun at fantasy tropes and the hero’s journey. Beta readers have said it feels like Monty Python meets Terry Pratchett…and no, that wasn’t my mother.
She said she didn’t like it.

I’m a father to one hilarious six-year-old who loves to give me pointers on my writing. Honestly, she’s funnier than me so I usually use her ideas.
I currently work as a teaching assistant in a Special Educational Needs school.

Thank you for your time.

Jake Joy.

The blurb in 2 sounds more engaging. Also, I would change the semi-colon after your title to a comma. Good luck!

 

[Jake E]

I don't think I'm going to get this perfect. I don't think that's possible.

I'm going with letter no.2 and tweak it slightly.

Thanks everyone.
I'll let you know how it goes.

J

 

[RK Wallis]

I don't think I'm going to get this perfect. I don't think that's possible.

I'm going with letter no.2 and tweak it slightly.

Thanks everyone.
I'll let you know how it goes.

J

You'll never please everyone, so please yourself. The letter doesn't need to be perfect in order to catch an agent's attention.

I liked No. 2 best and had no trouble with the flow. Agents aren't writers, just readers. If you be yourself, in your voice and using your phrasing, you're being true to you and at the end of the day, that's what agents want (and good stories).

Good luck!

 

[LA Thomas]

I don't think I'm going to get this perfect. I don't think that's possible.

I'm going with letter no.2 and tweak it slightly.

Thanks everyone.
I'll let you know how it goes.

J

Jake…

Please, please don’t hate me for saying this…. But your cover letter is not ready. I wouldn’t want you to lose your one shot at landing your dream agent because you’re too eager to send it asap.

Agents get tons of queries and tend to look at them in large batches, sometimes up to 50 at a time and fantasy is a saturated market.

You have to stand out from the others.

The two key points that will lure them in are the blurb and the comps. You don’t have comps and your blurb is so vague it’s not really a blurb so all they get from this draft is that your story is about Derrick who gets into some ‘trouble’.

I really think you should extract your blurb and do a separate post on the forum for advice on improving it.

I hope you take this advice as intended, which is to help, not to dishearten you.

Cover letters are hard but if you work at it, especially with all the amazing help from this fab forum, you will get there but I think you have a way to go for now.

L.A

 

[Jake E]

Jake…

Please, please don’t hate me for saying this…. But your cover letter is not ready. I wouldn’t want you to lose your one shot at landing your dream agent because you’re too eager to send it asap.

Agents get tons of queries and tend to look at them in large batches, sometimes up to 50 at a time and fantasy is a saturated market.

You have to stand out from the others.

The two key points that will lure them in are the blurb and the comps. You don’t have comps and your blurb is so vague it’s not really a blurb so all they get from this draft is that your story is about Derrick who gets into some ‘trouble’.

I really think you should extract your blurb and do a separate post on the forum for advice on improving it.

I hope you take this advice as intended, which is to help, not to dishearten you.

Cover letters are hard but if you work at it, especially with all the amazing help from this fab forum, you will get there but I think you have a way to go for now.

L.A

I could never hate anyone on Litopia for helping. I take every criticism in the spirit it is given. Everyone here wants everyone else to succeed and the fact you're so concerned about my cover letter shows that to be true.

But I honestly can't do anything else with this letter. It's been going round in circles and there comes a point where it is what it is.

I don't have any comps because there aren't any. I don't tend to read 'newer' books. All my books at home are decades old;
Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Brandon Sanderson, Douglas Adams, Robin Hobb, Trudi Canavan...
I think the newest book on my shelf is 'Rivers of London' which I bought to see if it was a comp title... It is not.

The blurb has been workshoped on Litopia several months ago when i was looking to submit to pop ups and this is the end product. I don't know what else to do. I'm at the end of my ability. This is my best. I have nothing else.

And honestly, I'm damn bored of it lol.
I want to get on and write my next story. That's the bit i like, but i find myself trapped in cover letter limbo.

Short of getting someone else to write it for me, I don't think there's anything more I can do.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Jake…

Please, please don’t hate me for saying this…. But your cover letter is not ready. I wouldn’t want you to lose your one shot at landing your dream agent because you’re too eager to send it asap.

Agents get tons of queries and tend to look at them in large batches, sometimes up to 50 at a time and fantasy is a saturated market.

You have to stand out from the others.

The two key points that will lure them in are the blurb and the comps. You don’t have comps and your blurb is so vague it’s not really a blurb so all they get from this draft is that your story is about Derrick who gets into some ‘trouble’.

I really think you should extract your blurb and do a separate post on the forum for advice on improving it.

I hope you take this advice as intended, which is to help, not to dishearten you.

Cover letters are hard but if you work at it, especially with all the amazing help from this fab forum, you will get there but I think you have a way to go for now.

L.A

We have already discussed comps and they are a bit of a myth, TBH. Not an essential part of any submission.

 

[RK Wallis]

And honestly, I'm damn bored of it lol.
I want to get on and write my next story.

I totally understand that because I've been there and I'm there again. As you say, there's a point where you accept your WIP is the best you can make it and you use everything you've learned, take it on board, and into the next project Agent Pete is the one who made me realise you need to keep moving onto new projects.

 

[Hannah F]

There isn't a one size fits all for cover letters despite what some on-line forums would have us think. The purpose of the cover letter is simply to entice the reader/publisher to read the opening chapter(s) [unless the letter is for a US agent who only wants a query letter to start with. They would need more detail]. UK agents generally want no more than one A4 page with a brief blurb. In my opinion, this gives the flavour of what is to come - enough to pique interest. That's all you need.
Agents/publishers like comp titles to see where this book might fit in the market, but it's not a game changer. It's better to have no comps than the wrong comps.
Go for it, Jake, and the best of luck!

 

[Dorm Ant]

/\ This

 

[LA Thomas]

I agree comps are not essential if the query letter is a corker, but many agents will want comps and if the blurb doesn’t help the agent place the book in the market the comps may.

My own comps are awful so I have struggled with this too!

Best of luck Jake.

 

[George Prime]

I find myself agreeing with LA Thomas and Hannah F. Keep trying and revising; number 2 is more engaging than number 1. Again, I'll recommend the US blog 'QUERY SHARK.' You can see the evolution from first versions to final forms - often with 5 or 6 revisions. As the name suggests, Janet Reid, the moderator, is merciless but effective. You can submit your drafts to her for expert feedback although there are many hurdles/requirements in doing so. Keep going. I gather you're working and raising a family as well as writing, so you've got a lot of balls in the air.

 

[Jake E]

I gather you're working and raising a family as well as writing, so you've got a lot of balls in the air

Yes. So very little free time.
When I spend hours trying to perfect a letter instead of writing (you know, the bit that's actually enjoyable) it is incredibly frustrating.
Got two beta reads going as well.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Another thing to bear in mind is that American query letters are very different to British ones. In America it's normal to query and later send opening chapters, if they respond. In Britain and most other countries, the letter accompanies the opening chapters and synopsis. So advice on American websites should be taken with caution.

 

[Jake E]

So.
I had a look at Query Shark and I'm sad to say that, as brilliant a resource as it is, its no help here.
From what I can gather, American agents want different things to British agents.

All the sites I go to in Britain say they want three things:

A cover letter of no more than one side of A4 which includes: a brief summary of the plot an elevator pitch and a paragraph about the author.

A synopsis. A more comprehensive breakdown of the plot to show the story hits all the right beats and character arcs.

The first three chapters or x,000 words.

That's it.
No mention of comp titles (i am convinced that's an American thing at this point).

God this is so confusing.

 

[Jake E]

Another thing to bear in mind is that American query letters are very different to British ones. In America it's normal to query and later send opening chapters, if they respond. In Britain and most other countries, the letter accompanies the opening chapters and synopsis. So advice on American websites should be taken with caution.

Ha ha.
I literally clicked post as your reply came up

 

[LA Thomas]

I haven’t applied to any U.K. agents yet but from the American ones they all want something different but mainly want the query letter plus synopsis plus a sample.

 

[RK Wallis]

No mention of comp titles (i am convinced that's an American thing at this point).

If you can't get to a Huddle, maybe someone can ask Agent Pete for you? He's dealt with matters across the pond and in the UK...

 

[Barbara]

May I suggest you pick 3 agents, click send with your letter of choice, then forget about the whole thing for 2 months while you start something new.

In 2 months look at it again, tweak if something bugs you or according to agent response, pick 3 more agents, repeat.

You never know what happens in the meantime.

 

[Jake E]

May I suggest you pick 3 agents, click send with your letter of choice, then forget about the whole thing for 2 months while you start something new.

In 2 months look at it again, tweak if something bugs you or according to agent response, pick 3 more agents, repeat.

You never know what happens in the meantime.

Yes. Perhaps that would be the sensible option.

 

[Barbara]

Yes. Perhaps that would be the sensible option.

It is.

In my first round of subs, I usually pick 3 of my third-choice agents so that I can hone the letter later if I decide to. If one of those third choice came back with interest (I'm still hoping) I'd contact my first choice agents, saying someone else showed interest. I don't know if that's a good idea or not; it's just what I do. It helps me test the water without 'wasting' a sub to an agent I really would like. Goes without saying, don't ever tell them they're only third choice.

 

[Jake E]

It is.

In my first round of subs, I usually pick 3 of my third-choice agents so that I can hone the letter later if I decide to. If one of those third choice came back with interest (I'm still hoping) I'd contact my first choice agents, saying someone else showed interest. I don't know if that's a good idea or not; it's just what I do. It helps me test the water without 'wasting' a sub to an agent I really would like. Goes without saying, don't ever tell them they're only third choice.

I think this is also where i have an issue.
I don't know these people. So i don't know who I want to represent me. You can only glean so much from social media and most of that is carefully chosen to portray an image that is probably miles away from the truth.

On query tracker, i have 40 agents filtered through my genre. 12 of those are closed to queries.
So, of those remaining 28, how do I know which of those i want as a first choice, second choice etc...

 

[Barbara]

I think this is also where i have an issue.
I don't know these people. So i don't know who I want to represent me. You can only glean so much from social media and most of that is carefully chosen to portray an image that is probably miles away from the truth.

On query tracker, i have 40 agents filtered through my genre. 12 of those are closed to queries.
So, of those remaining 28, how do I know which of those i want as a first choice, second choice etc...

I judge them several ways. And make organied notes in a notebook.

by their social media - what and how do they post on twitter. Do they sound like a person I might get on with. How do they interact with their followers. Are they respectful in their interactions.

By the size of their agency. A company like Curtis Brow would be at the bottom of my list. Actually they're my 'test" agent. I sub to them first. They're a good agency there's no doubt and big comps like them will have more clout in the industry, but they're harder to be picked up by and they might be more inclined to drop you somewhere along your career if you flag for some reason. Having said that if they took me on, I'd be yodelling for a week. But also, you may drown among their many clients. Consider if you want a closer interaction with an agent.

You also want to research what kind of deals they've done recently. It shows how active they are and what they can achieve.

Do they get involved with film deals.

How new are they. The newer the less experience and the less of a name they have with the publishing houses. You don't want Penguin to say 'agent who?' Remember, agents need to have healthy contacts inside publishing houses.

Check if they've ever filed for bankruptcy. Either as a company or as an individual. Not necessarily a prob if they have (people do, it's life) but you want to know so you can judge whether or not you want to go near.

What's the agent's pedigree, as in, have they worked at other agencies. If they surf from agency to agency they may not be that good interacting with folk. Coming from another big name agent however can be a good thing.

What's the tone on their website.

Google their name and see what pings up. I did that once and I found a report of the agent 'standing up' for a woman who was being harassed by guys on a train. She sorted those guys out. I thought yep, a first choice agent because i liked the fact she stood up against wrong. Equally you might find authors saying negative stuff about someone. Or find out they fall out with everyone.

By the other authors they represent. Do they represent authors I respect and whose career I admire? (I'm thinking Mark Edwards for example. I admire his carreer path.). Try find out how long that author has been with that agent. The longer the better. I've subbed to Mark's agents twice over 5 years and he's still with them last time I checked. You often find an author give an agent an endorsement in the acknowledgement section of their book. Read that forensically. Are they just saying a polite thanks to the agent, or do they say thanks to the agent for opening the door at 4 am when they stood outside their house to discuss a plot hole.

Just research and analyse what you find.

If you get a response from an agent, you then continue and judge them by the way they interact with you.

Stuff like that.

A flash website doesn't make a good agent. Analyse their site for red flags.

And listen to your instinct.

Unfortunately it is hard work. But nothing has ever come easy and doing the legwork is essential if you want to find the perfect agent for you Nd your work.

Oh and check if they post cat pics.... the biggest criteria.

 

[Jake E]

I judge them several ways. And make organied notes in a notebook.

by their social media - what and how do they post on twitter. Do they sound like a person I might get on with. How do they interact with their followers. Are they respectful in their interactions.

By the size of their agency. A company like Curtis Brow would be at the bottom of my list. Actually they're my 'test" agent. I sub to them first. They're a good agency there's no doubt and big comps like them will have more clout in the industry, but they're harder to be picked up by and they might be more inclined to drop you somewhere along your career if you flag for some reason. Having said that if they took me on, I'd be yodelling for a week. But also, you may drown among their many clients. Consider if you want a closer interaction with an agent.

You also want to research what kind of deals they've done recently. It shows how active they are and what they can achieve.

Do they get involved with film deals.

How new are they. The newer the less experience and the less of a name they have with the publishing houses. You don't want Penguin to say 'agent who?' Remember, agents need to have healthy contacts inside publishing houses.

Check if they've ever filed for bankruptcy. Either as a company or as an individual. Not necessarily a prob if they have (people do, it's life) but you want to know so you can judge whether or not you want to go near.

What's the agent's pedigree, as in, have they worked at other agencies. If they surf from agency to agency they may not be that good interacting with folk. Coming from another big name agent however can be a good thing.

What's the tone on their website.

Google their name and see what pings up. I did that once and I found a report of the agent 'standing up' for a woman who was being harassed by guys on a train. She sorted those guys out. I thought yep, a first choice agent because i liked the fact she stood up against wrong. Equally you might find authors saying negative stuff about someone. Or find out they fall out with everyone.

By the other authors they represent. Do they represent authors I respect and whose career I admire? (I'm thinking Mark Edwards for example. I admire his carreer path.). Try find out how long that author has been with that agent. The longer the better. I've subbed to Mark's agents twice over 5 years and he's still with them last time I checked. You often find an author give an agent an endorsement in the acknowledgement section of their book. Read that forensically. Are they just saying a polite thanks to the agent, or do they say thanks to the agent for opening the door at 4 am when they stood outside their house to discuss a plot hole.

Just research and analyse what you find.

If you get a response from an agent, you then continue and judge them by the way they interact with you.

Stuff like that.

A flash website doesn't make a good agent. Analyse their site for red flags.

And listen to your instinct.

Unfortunately it is hard work. But nothing has ever come easy and doing the legwork is essential if you want to find the perfect agent for you Nd your work.

Oh and check if they post cat pics.... the biggest criteria.

Great advice.

The agent I'm currently scouting works for the agency that handles one of my favourite authors. So that's a mark in the pros column.
I'll have to cyber stalk them for a bit and see what else i can find out

 

[Barbara]

Great advice.

The agent I'm currently scouting works for the agency that handles one of my favourite authors. So that's a mark in the pros column.
I'll have to cyber stalk them for a bit and see what else i can find out

Perfect. Make three columns: first choice, second choice, third.

Homework for you: for the next 2 month, gather all the intel about that agent (you can also use the info to tweak the bit of your letter where you say why you're writing to them). In the meantime, sub to Curtis B. Like, now. If they take you on, have a party.