Lex Black

Lex Black · Apr 8, 2023

My lawyers advised me to stop referring to agent querying as "The Hunt for the One Agent Smart Enough to be Allowed to Live."

Because of this, I have eaten my lawyers. Any recommendations for replacements?

Lex Black · Apr 1, 2023

I have an agent! I have an agent! After years upon years upon DECADES of frustration and failure, I have an agent! Details to follow as allowed! GLEE!

Lex Black · Mar 12, 2023

How to be Creepy #7: Insist that you speak Old One because you "went to high school with those guys."

Lex Black · Mar 11, 2023

How to be creepy #216: end random statements with "...and for this you all shall suffer."

Lex Black · Mar 9, 2023

If James Bond were a vampire, could his enemies tie him up in a tanning bed as a death trap?

Lex Black · Mar 9, 2023

The term "fireplace" is redundant. Any "place" is a "fireplace" if you're determined enough.

Lex Black · Mar 8, 2023

Up next: my livestream unboxing of the Ark of the Covenant.

Lex Black · Mar 6, 2023

How to be creepy #33: point out that toast is the burn victim of breakfast foods.

Lex Black · Mar 4, 2023

How to be creepy #461: refer to letting fruit ripen as "a stay of execution."

Lex Black · Jan 31, 2023

I hope this letter finds you well. You should then have strength to fight it off and escape.

Lex Black · Dec 19, 2022

So, I got another generictellauthortopissoff.doc email. I at first assumed it was from my last round of submission a couple of months ago, but...no. I had to go back through multiple notebooks to find who this was. It turned out to be from someone whose "if you don't hear from us in this time frame, assume you're not worth replying to" period expired a YEAR ago.

Lex Black · Oct 24, 2022

I just finished a round of submissions. Because clearly I hate myself.

Lex Black · Oct 13, 2022

*Plants flag* With Pete moving, I claim this site for LEX!

Lex Black · Oct 8, 2022

I'm currently watching a short documentary on the lost Ninth Roman Legion. They'll never figure out what I did with it. Muhuhaha.

Lex Black · Sep 6, 2022

The real treasure was the stuff you swiped from the friends you made along the way.

Lex Black · Aug 28, 2022

Against my better judgement, I participated in Twitter's recent #SFFPit event. Three agents showed interest in my pitches.

Of those, one did not even represent my genre(s).

Of the two I submitted to, one took just over twelve hours to send a generic rejection letter.

I'm not getting my hopes up about the last one.

Lex Black · Aug 12, 2022

My love language is "running into the room shouting a warning and revving a chainsaw just as *they* start battering the door down".

Lex Black · Jun 30, 2022

Inspired by "Doctor Strange In the Multiverse of Madness", I decided to travel to alternate universes to meet other versions of myself.

...turns out I'm a real jerk in a very high percentage of realities. It makes you think.

Lex Black · Jun 25, 2022

I'm bored pretending to be a responsible adult today. It's time to WRITE!

*Mashes big red button*

*Klaxons sound*

*Blast doors close*

*Wards activate*

*Picks up nuclear-powered laser chainsaw/Sharpie pen combo*

All right, WIP, let's go.

*Manga-esque battle freeze frame*

Lex Black · May 20, 2022

In spite of everything, I made two submissions today. I don't know about myself sometimes.

Lex Black · Feb 16, 2022

I just saw that Pitchwars and #PitMad are ending. Joke's on them, every agent on the planet has already rejected me.

Lex Black · Feb 12, 2022

Wow. My third rejection in one day. This one from an agent I submitted to *yesterday*.

Lex Black · Nov 4, 2021

In my quest to get published, I have not been playing to my best strengths. I'll do that now.

Attention, publishing industry! In return for a ten-book contract I will not descend from a dark sky and eat everyone you love.

Best offers by the end of this afternoon, please.

Lex Black · Aug 26, 2021

Just submitted another audition on ACX. I'm actively looking for recording work, so if you know anyone looking for a narrator please send them my way!

Lex Black · Aug 26, 2021

Just finished the day's session of the extremely arduous process of researching an agent and sending a query letter. Find myself reflecting on the interview where G. R. R. Martin asked Steven King, "Do you ever hate your writing and think it's worthless?" I wonder what the correlation is.

Lex Black · Aug 9, 2021

I just wanna say, I'm still very flattered and humbled by the incredible positive response my Pop-Up readings get. You are all very kind.

OK, enough from me. Carry on.

Lex Black · Jul 13, 2021

Wow. Five days after making a submission, I get a form rejection: "This just isn't right for me. Signed (Person not even listed on agency website) on behalf of (person you actually submitted to)." The Literary Illuminati aren't even pretending to have interest in my work anymore.

Steve C · Jul 3, 2021

'Fine for you, but I only drink the blood of my enemies.'
Ah. Sounds like an excuse to me, an attempt to be good? A real vampire drinks anyone's blood.
Can I be your friend? Please.

Lex Black · Jul 1, 2021

I just got the first soulless slap in the face (AKA "a form rejection letter") from my most recent round of submissions. So much for no news being good news.

Lex Black · Jun 23, 2021

Of my latest round of submissions (starting on May 22nd) not one has yet replied to me, with a form rejection or otherwise. This highly deviates from the previous patterns of 80%+ of submissions being rejected by form in under ten days. I...do not know what to think about this.