Recent content by Lex Black

"So, how did you sleep.?" "I had weird dreams." "Yeah?" "I met the Loch Ness monster." "..." "She's really sarcastic, and was complaining in this really thick Scots brogue about how people are always interrupting her water yoga. Turns out that's what the rows of humps are." "..."

This dark ritual could have been an email.

My religion is "eat all the desserts." I'm an unhealthiest.

It takes a village to raise a child. As the child matures, it comes back to take a town.

Everything is bad right now. Evil has won. ... ... ... Here's a song I like. Hope it helps.

I despair.

FEAR ME, PUNY MORTALS! THE HALLOWE'EN SEASON DESCENDS, AND I UNLEASH THE GREATEST TERROR HUMANITY CAN...what?...wait, what might happen in a few days?... ... ... ... ...uh, carry on, humanity. Happy Hallowe'en.

Rejected horror movie poster taglines: "A Nightmare on Elm Street": "If Nancy doesn't wake up screaming...her alarm isn't loud enough."

I love this time of year. Everyone leaves out pumpkins for me to eat.

Yesterday, someone asked me if I was a cop, because I "sound like one." I cannot recall the last time I was so offended.

It's Friday the 13th, the second holiest day on the Lexish calendar! If you can read this, I'm standing right behind you!