Poetry THIS ISN'T PROSE, SO HERE IT GOES

A heron went for next door's cat,
Jehovah's Finest came for a chat,
Slug trails glistened on the welcome mat,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The pebble-dashing shed its stones,
The fat hen weeds were skin and bones,
The crows all fought like Game of Thrones,
The day our garden got a mard on.

Sun-bleached seedlings in the potting shed,
Wilting in the Pak choi bed,
Our cherry tomatoes bypassed red,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The polytunnel cooked our veg,
Dead flies lined the window ledge,
Raging wasps took over the hedge,
The day our garden got a mard on.

Panting sheep blocked country roads,
The lettuce beds were full of toads,
The septic tank just overflowed,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The Badgers dug up bumblebees,
Pigeons dropped dead from the trees,
Even the squirrels all caught fleas,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The strawberry runners ran, and ran
Skin hot and sore – not worth the tan,
Another bloody hosepipe ban,
The day our garden got a mard on.

 

[Emily]

Can I ask, what is getting a mard on?

 

[Stacey]

Can I ask, what is getting a mard on?

Oh figured it was a brit thing. Fun to read this out loud.

 

[Hannah Faoileán]

Can I ask, what is getting a mard on?

I was just about to ask the same question.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Can I ask, what is getting a mard on?

Becoming grumpy and uncooperative.

 

[Stacey]

Becoming grumpy and uncooperative.

That's how I interpreted it.

 

[Peyton Stafford]

Becoming grumpy and uncooperative.

New phrase for me, nard on.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Getting a mard on is another way to say that someone became mardy. Mardy means petulant, grumpy, uncooperative, childish sulk.

 

[Serra K]

So would it be fitting to say I'm in a perpetual mard @RG Worsey ?

 

[Peyton Stafford]

Getting a mard on is another way to say that someone became mardy. Mardy means petulant, grumpy, uncooperative, childish sulk.

What dialect is mard from? Fascinating. Like curmudgeonly?

 

[Peyton Stafford]

A heron went for next door's cat,
Jehovah's Finest came for a chat,
Slug trails glistened on the welcome mat,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The pebble-dashing shed its stones,
The fat hen weeds were skin and bones,
The crows all fought like Game of Thrones,
The day our garden got a mard on.

Sun-bleached seedlings in the potting shed,
Wilting in the Pak choi bed,
Our cherry tomatoes bypassed red,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The polytunnel cooked our veg,
Dead flies lined the window ledge,
Raging wasps took over the hedge,
The day our garden got a mard on.

Panting sheep blocked country roads,
The lettuce beds were full of toads,
The septic tank just overflowed,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The Badgers dug up bumblebees,
Pigeons dropped dead from the trees,
Even the squirrels all caught fleas,
The day our garden got a mard on.

The strawberry runners ran, and ran
Skin hot and sore – not worth the tan,
Another bloody hosepipe ban,
The day our garden got a mard on.

Yes, like a curmudgeon's vision of life.

 

[Dorm Ant]

What dialect is mard from? Fascinating. Like curmudgeonly?

Northern England and Midlands. Everyone says it in Manchester.