The Perfect Rejection Letter

[Paul Whybrow]

I've just finished reading Noah Lukeman's 'The First Five Pages' - excellent, and I recommend it to you.

The book has an epigraph, a poem by Louis Zukofsky, from his major work called 'A'. We should be so lucky to receive such a letter...

It's called 'Rejection letter from a Chinese publisher'

Most honorable Sir,
We perused your MS
with boundless delight. And
we hurry to swear by our ancestors
we have never read any other
that equals its mastery.
Were we to publish your work,
we could never presume again on
our public and name
to print books of a standard
not up to yours.
For we cannot imagine
that the next ten thousand years
will offer its ectype.
We must therefore refuse
your work that shines as it were in the sky
and beg you a thousand times
to pardon our fault
which impairs but our own offices.
- Publishers

 

[Jason Byrne]

I've just finished reading Noah Lukeman's 'The First Five Pages' - excellent, and I recommend it to you.

The book has an epigraph, a poem by Louis Zukofsky, from his major work called 'A'. We should be so lucky to receive such a letter...

It's called 'Rejection letter from a Chinese publisher'

Most honorable Sir,
We perused your MS
with boundless delight. And
we hurry to swear by our ancestors
we have never read any other
that equals its mastery.
Were we to publish your work,
we could never presume again on
our public and name
to print books of a standard
not up to yours.
For we cannot imagine
that the next ten thousand years
will offer its ectype.
We must therefore refuse
your work that shines as it were in the sky
and beg you a thousand times
to pardon our fault
which impairs but our own offices.
- Publishers

Dude. I would be like,
"You know what, I don't even really have to publish anymore. I'll just put this on my wall, and consider myself lucky someone gets it."

Naw — it would go as a testimonial in my next query letter. Right after I made damn sure this wasn't their coolest-ever form letter.

 

[Emurelda]

I've just finished reading Noah Lukeman's 'The First Five Pages' - excellent, and I recommend it to you.

The book has an epigraph, a poem by Louis Zukofsky, from his major work called 'A'. We should be so lucky to receive such a letter...

It's called 'Rejection letter from a Chinese publisher'

Most honorable Sir,
We perused your MS
with boundless delight. And
we hurry to swear by our ancestors
we have never read any other
that equals its mastery.
Were we to publish your work,
we could never presume again on
our public and name
to print books of a standard
not up to yours.
For we cannot imagine
that the next ten thousand years
will offer its ectype.
We must therefore refuse
your work that shines as it were in the sky
and beg you a thousand times
to pardon our fault
which impairs but our own offices.
- Publishers

Not gonna promise 'Patronising plebs!' won't be grunted out of my mouth if I received that! lol

 

[Marc Joan]

'ectype'? NEW WORD! Yay!