M
Matt
Guest
Hi
I'm a new boy, so forgive me if I'm being presumptuous..., but I could use some feedback on the synopsis--really, the plot--for the novel that I'm currently sending out to agents. The rejections are flying in so I'm thinking I haven't cracked it this time.
I'm consistently getting good feedback from agents on the style and content (we love the writing, we love the characters) but negative response on the plot (boring/not thrilling/obvious, etc.) so it seems the area I really need to work on is the structure and pacing of my work.
I've pasted in an agent's response so you get the 'we like it, but no' drift, and then I've pasted the synopsis which should give you a sense of the novel's plot, which seems to be the problem area.
Anyway, all feedback welcome... truly.
And thank you.
Sample agent feedback:
Thank you for allowing us to consider THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS. You have created a really interesting story and there is definitely something very intriguing in your premise; there are echoes of THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY in your story and this is really refreshing to see. You also write incredibly well and I effortlessly absorbed your chapters, however at this stage I’m afraid THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS isn’t right for me. I think you could really push the tension by holding back from the reader just how dark and troubled Jonah is until much later. A suggestion would be to have him charming and seemingly open, but then getting spooked by Patty who he sees returning from the garden and running before Robert can stop him. As in THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY it’s the slow introduction of how dark and disturbed Tom is that really hooks the reader and I think you could do this similarly well in your story. I wish you the best of luck with THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS and in your writing career.
Synopsis/Plot
The Panic of Closing Doors—Synopsis
One drowsy Sunday, a young man arrives at a house in Brighton and turns the lives of the Brock family upside down. The young man is Jonah, seeking the father he never knew. The father is Robert Brock: middle-class and middle-aged, husband and step-father, reconciled (so he thinks) to the ache of having no children of his own. Robert is both elated and bewildered to discover he has a twenty-one year old son, but Jonah is a spiky, difficult character. He leaves as abruptly as he arrived, his parting gift a reference to some un-named peril facing his mother, Caroline, back in France.
Robert is compelled to seek out his son. The search takes him to Boston, Massachusetts, where he finds Jonah living in squalor with the mother of his unborn child. The more Robert sees of this awkward, spiteful, viciously humorous boy, the less comfortable he feels. The reunion ends with Robert losing his temper and striking Jonah. On top of this, Robert’s absence is causing tension at home and at work.
Citing concern for his mother, Jonah abandons his pregnant partner and manipulates Robert into gifting him a plane ticket to Paris. Robert insists on joining Jonah and they spar the entire journey. On arrival, it appears that Caroline has disappeared from the family home. Jonah fears she may be a suicide risk. As they search for the missing Caroline, Robert is increasingly disturbed by Jonah’s behaviour—he’s a different person every day—and finds himself drawn into his son’s sinister world. Meanwhile, Robert’s wife, Patty, travels to Paris to bring her husband home. Robert’s extended absences cost him his job.
The search for Caroline ends when Roberts realises that everything Jonah has told him is a lie. Caroline is healthy and happy, and Jonah has used Robert to further his own sordid aims. Robert learns of Jonah’s troubled path to manhood: a life punctuated with similar flights of obsessive, destructive fantasy.
Caroline coaxes Jonah back to Normandy while Robert and Patty return to England, wondering if they’ll see Jonah again. Robert doesn’t have to wait long because Jonah has a new vision: his mother and father reunited; the three of them living together in familial harmony. There is no place in Jonah’s plan for Patty and her daughter.
Jonah secretly travels to England where he stalks the Brock family, disrupting their lives and conducting an anonymous hate campaign against Patty. He tries to force Robert and Caroline back together and befriends Robert’s step-daughter, manipulating her to his own ends. For respite, Robert takes his family to Boston to visit Jonah’s ex-girlfriend and the new baby. Jonah follows and forces a physical confrontation before disappearing again.
The Brocks return to England, where Jonah launches a last, desperate attempt to fashion the family he craves. In the final confrontation, Jonah tries to prove an affair between Robert and Caroline. When that fails, Jonah tells Patty how he plans to destroy her daughter. Driven to a moment of temporary insanity, Patty wounds Jonah with a kitchen knife.
We leave the Brock family with Patty recovering in a mental health facility. In the visitors room she issues an ultimatum: Robert must choose between her and Jonah—for the sake of her daughter if nothing else. Rob loves Patty; he’s determined not to abandon his wife and step-daughter. But blood ties bind like no other, and Jonah—who unbeknownst to Patty is waiting outside in the car—can be very persuasive.
I'm a new boy, so forgive me if I'm being presumptuous..., but I could use some feedback on the synopsis--really, the plot--for the novel that I'm currently sending out to agents. The rejections are flying in so I'm thinking I haven't cracked it this time.
I'm consistently getting good feedback from agents on the style and content (we love the writing, we love the characters) but negative response on the plot (boring/not thrilling/obvious, etc.) so it seems the area I really need to work on is the structure and pacing of my work.
I've pasted in an agent's response so you get the 'we like it, but no' drift, and then I've pasted the synopsis which should give you a sense of the novel's plot, which seems to be the problem area.
Anyway, all feedback welcome... truly.
And thank you.
Sample agent feedback:
Thank you for allowing us to consider THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS. You have created a really interesting story and there is definitely something very intriguing in your premise; there are echoes of THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY in your story and this is really refreshing to see. You also write incredibly well and I effortlessly absorbed your chapters, however at this stage I’m afraid THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS isn’t right for me. I think you could really push the tension by holding back from the reader just how dark and troubled Jonah is until much later. A suggestion would be to have him charming and seemingly open, but then getting spooked by Patty who he sees returning from the garden and running before Robert can stop him. As in THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY it’s the slow introduction of how dark and disturbed Tom is that really hooks the reader and I think you could do this similarly well in your story. I wish you the best of luck with THE PANIC OF CLOSING DOORS and in your writing career.
Synopsis/Plot
The Panic of Closing Doors—Synopsis
One drowsy Sunday, a young man arrives at a house in Brighton and turns the lives of the Brock family upside down. The young man is Jonah, seeking the father he never knew. The father is Robert Brock: middle-class and middle-aged, husband and step-father, reconciled (so he thinks) to the ache of having no children of his own. Robert is both elated and bewildered to discover he has a twenty-one year old son, but Jonah is a spiky, difficult character. He leaves as abruptly as he arrived, his parting gift a reference to some un-named peril facing his mother, Caroline, back in France.
Robert is compelled to seek out his son. The search takes him to Boston, Massachusetts, where he finds Jonah living in squalor with the mother of his unborn child. The more Robert sees of this awkward, spiteful, viciously humorous boy, the less comfortable he feels. The reunion ends with Robert losing his temper and striking Jonah. On top of this, Robert’s absence is causing tension at home and at work.
Citing concern for his mother, Jonah abandons his pregnant partner and manipulates Robert into gifting him a plane ticket to Paris. Robert insists on joining Jonah and they spar the entire journey. On arrival, it appears that Caroline has disappeared from the family home. Jonah fears she may be a suicide risk. As they search for the missing Caroline, Robert is increasingly disturbed by Jonah’s behaviour—he’s a different person every day—and finds himself drawn into his son’s sinister world. Meanwhile, Robert’s wife, Patty, travels to Paris to bring her husband home. Robert’s extended absences cost him his job.
The search for Caroline ends when Roberts realises that everything Jonah has told him is a lie. Caroline is healthy and happy, and Jonah has used Robert to further his own sordid aims. Robert learns of Jonah’s troubled path to manhood: a life punctuated with similar flights of obsessive, destructive fantasy.
Caroline coaxes Jonah back to Normandy while Robert and Patty return to England, wondering if they’ll see Jonah again. Robert doesn’t have to wait long because Jonah has a new vision: his mother and father reunited; the three of them living together in familial harmony. There is no place in Jonah’s plan for Patty and her daughter.
Jonah secretly travels to England where he stalks the Brock family, disrupting their lives and conducting an anonymous hate campaign against Patty. He tries to force Robert and Caroline back together and befriends Robert’s step-daughter, manipulating her to his own ends. For respite, Robert takes his family to Boston to visit Jonah’s ex-girlfriend and the new baby. Jonah follows and forces a physical confrontation before disappearing again.
The Brocks return to England, where Jonah launches a last, desperate attempt to fashion the family he craves. In the final confrontation, Jonah tries to prove an affair between Robert and Caroline. When that fails, Jonah tells Patty how he plans to destroy her daughter. Driven to a moment of temporary insanity, Patty wounds Jonah with a kitchen knife.
We leave the Brock family with Patty recovering in a mental health facility. In the visitors room she issues an ultimatum: Robert must choose between her and Jonah—for the sake of her daughter if nothing else. Rob loves Patty; he’s determined not to abandon his wife and step-daughter. But blood ties bind like no other, and Jonah—who unbeknownst to Patty is waiting outside in the car—can be very persuasive.
