Welcome to this month’s Craft Chat on Dialogue. As before, the discussion thread will be open for FIVE DAYS from when we post the Chat. Let us know your thoughts and experiences. If you disagree with anything, that’s fine. Tell us why. We love hearing from you. All opinions are welcome and valid additions to our learning. Keep it civil.
Rachel, Galadriel, Ed, Kay (Ancora Imparo)
DIALOGUE
What is it: it’s speech between two or more characters.
Formatting: set speech marks at the beginning and end of a line of dialogue. Be consistent. Use single speech marks or double. Don't mix them (except for the example under of quotes within quotes). Speech marks usually surround all other punctuation:
“Imagine speech marks are like hugs,” she said. “All parts of the speech, including commas and full stops at the end must be hugged by speech marks.” However, with some reported speech, punctuation can come after the quotation marks.
EG: By the end of the day, she had decided Robert was right when he said “enough is enough”.
Each time a new character speaks, set their words down on a new line:
“So, are you going to follow my advice?” asked Katie.
“Sure, if it’s the sensible thing to do,” said Roland.
Paragraphing and Speech Length: usually, dialogue should lend pace to a novel. However, if a character gives a long speech: begin a new line, open with speech marks, but break up the speech into appropriate paragraphs. Each new paragraph should open with speech marks. But there is no need for any at the end of each paragraph if the same person is speaking, only the final paragraph.
Direct speech: direct speech is active dialogue. It is simply characters speaking, as in the above example. It is wise to use dialogue tags to show who is speaking. This is especially important if it’s a long conversation or there are more than two characters talking.
Dialogue tags: said, asked, begged, shouted, cried, etc. It is prudent not to go overboard with too many different tags. Keep it simple. "Said" is generally unobtrusive. To use too many variations falls into telling as well as being distracting for the reader.
Example:
“We’re lost!” wailed Amy.
“No we’re not!” barked Chris.
“ We are!” spat Amy. ‘We should’ve brought a map."
“This way!” yelled Chris. “ We don’t need a map; we’re not lost."
Remember to be consistent. If you use double quote marks for dialogue, use doubles throughout. If you use singles, use them throughout. The only time that changes is when there’s a quote within a quote:
“What did he say?” Anne asked.
“He said, ‘well, I’m going home’. And I agreed he should,” replied Jane. (NB: the full stop after home comes AFTER the single speech mark, because this is a quote within a quote, or reported speech, and the full stop belongs to what Jane is saying.)
Indirect speech (also known as reported speech):
It can be used to paraphrase a long speech said by someone not present. It is also reported speech because the words are coming ‘second hand.’ This means someone is reporting what someone else said; it can show gossip or recount of someone’s actions.
Examples:
“Amy told me that Chris had yelled at her when they were lost the other day,” said Frank. “Apparently, he’d said there was no need to follow a map as they weren’t lost.”
Note: "that" is optional in above sentence. Also, past tense used.
See image in attached Word document and more detail regarding tenses from Direct and Indirect Speech With Examples and Explanations - Owlcation
Style of Speech/Quotation marks: single speech marks or double; serif (shaped like 6s and 9s) or sans serif (straight). Choose style and don’t mix them.
Abrupt cut-off dialogue & trailing off dialogue: can be shown by an em-dash (in US) or n-dash (UK); or ellipsis, respectively. Some styles have no spaces around the em- or n-dashes, others have one space either side. Be consistent.
Examples:
“Why did the chicken─?” Bob began.
“What a rubbish joke!” the heckler interrupted.
“I’m useless at this . . .” Bob sighed.
Website link: Direct and Indirect Speech With Examples and Explanations - Owlcation
Youtube link: How to Write Compelling Dialogue: A Proven Process - YouTube
Four Simple Rules for Writing Dialogue by Robert Wiersema - YouTube
Galadriel
DIALOGUE - THE SECRET SAUCE
A good rule of thumb to write by follows:
Dialogue in fiction has five functions. One or more of the following must always be at work, or you're just taking up space:
1. Reveal story information
2. Reveal character
3. Set the tone
4. Set the scene
5. Reveal theme
Bell, James Scott. How to Write Dazzling Dialogue: The Fastest Way to Improve Any Manuscript (p. 22). Compendium Press. Kindle Edition.
Plus subtext, but that requires a Craft Chat all on its own.
REVEAL STORY INFORMATION
Sometimes exposition is necessary, and sometimes it happens in dialogue. Just don’t let a reader catch you doing it or you risk kicking them out of your story. Writing that reads like writing, or the characters saying something they already know, is something you want to avoid.
If the writer feels they must include a piece of dialogue for the reader’s benefit (because the reader needs to know), chances are your dialogue isn’t organic.
So how do you make it organic? First, accept that you don’t have to explain everything. It’s okay to leave a reader wondering. Second, and this is a biggie … trust your reader.
Here’s a bit of exposition hidden in organic dialogue:
“Are you a stranger or a spirit?” Estele asks warily.
“I am neither,” says Adeline, though she knows how she must look. Her dress tattered, her hair wild, streaming words like witchcraft on the step. “I am flesh and blood and human, and I have known you all my life. You make charms in the shape of children to keep them well in winter. You think peaches are the sweetest fruit, and that church walls are too thick for prayers to get through, and you want to be buried not beneath a stone, but in a patch of shade under a large tree.”
Schwab, V.E.. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (p. 57). Titan Books. Kindle Edition.
REVEAL CHARACTER
If you’ve read or watched anything about dialogue, then you’ll have seen that character motivation, put into opposition with another character’s motivation, engages a reader. In short, characters have their own agenda. This is true. But there’s more to it.
It’s Character. Their voice. Their word choice (not the author’s). Their syntax. Their attitude. Their turn of phrase. And motivation doesn’t have to be present.
Here’s what I mean … just Character:
“How was your trip?”
“It was fine . . . except . . . he died.”
The glass I was drinking juice from slips out of my grip and shatters on the kitchen floor. Ayoola is standing in the doorway. She has been home all of ten minutes and I already feel as if my world is turning upside down.
“He . . . he died?”
Braithwaite, Oyinkan. My Sister, the Serial Killer: The Sunday Times Bestseller (p. 126). Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
Character infuses the second line. IMHO, this is a flippant character, lacking in empathy. The way a “fine” trip ends in death is almost a juxtaposition. Who describes the event of a death on a trip as “fine”? What kind of character must this be?
SET THE TONE
Your dialogue word choices are a tool to help set the tone of your book, even set genre expectations.
Thriller:
“I was in West Virginia yesterday. They found a body over there, Buffalo Bill’s latest.”
“Not quite his latest, Clarice.”
“His next-to-latest.”
“Yes.”
“She was scalped. Just as you said she would be.”
Harris, Thomas. Silence Of The Lambs (Hannibal Lecter). Random House. Kindle Edition.
Thriller words: body, scalped.
Fantasy:
“The demon can’t come during the day,” Irina said. “He only appears at night. I don’t know why, but if he could, he’d surely have tried to take me before now: he had me alone today, or close enough.” She paused and added, thoughtfully, “When the tsar’s mother was condemned for sorcery, they took her and burned her all in one day, before the sun set.”
Novik, Naomi. Spinning Silver (p. 218). Pan Macmillan UK. Kindle Edition.
Fantasy words: demon, sorcery
Sci-fi:
"Keep him here for at least an hour. Watch him. If he doesn’t start talking in fifteen minutes, call me. Could have unplugged him forever. I don’t have the brains of a bugger."
Ender's Game (The Ender Quartet series) (p. 4). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
Sci-fi words: unplugged, bugger
Historical fiction (by a Litopian author):
"Hanging is an unpleasant fate," was all she said, reflectively. "So English, so bungled, so undignified. When I die, it will be by the guillotine – or in my bed."
Nattrass, Leonora (2021-10-13T23:58:59.000). Black Drop. Profile. Kindle Edition..
Historical words: hanging, guillotine
Just a few examples… look at your own favourite books and pick out the tone words.
SET THE SCENE
The way characters discuss where they are can help entrench a reader in the setting. An example:
“What is this place?”
“It’s called Rojas.”
“So we’re far south?”
“Yes. Only about fifty miles from the border with Panama.”
The Lost World (p. 18). Random House. Kindle Edition.
REVEAL THEME
Be careful if you have a theme that you don’t lecture the reader. Readers aren't kids in school. No one appreciates being talked down to – they switch off.
Karl Iglesias, screenwriter and teacher, has a great analogy – the sugar coated pill. Hide your message in the story, and using dialogue is one tool in your toolbox.
A classic example, on the theme of marriage:
"What is his name?"
"Bingley."
"Is he married or single?"
"Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"
Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice. Kindle Edition.
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
This is for screenwriters, but dialogue is their trade:
Rachel
Look ma – I broke the rules!
One fun thing with dialogue is that characters don't have the same strictures to follow as authors, apparently they can speak natural, terrifically adjectively laden non sequiturs with mistakes and everything and just... ! Keep it consistent, if you have done your job readers will get used to a character having a tone of voice and expression and will expect it to be somewhat consistent (unless it isn't for a reason) and, in the same way a journalist will say "edited for clarity," don't let yourself get carried away, the reader will still want to be able to follow.
It's very hard (?impossible) in the written word to convey people talking across each other without saying something like "they interrupted each other." If you need that type of interaction, accept you have a bit of tell, and perhaps use it as a chance to do something else to develop character/theme (e.g. one downtrodden character falls silent too fast, the bully shouts to stop everyone else etc).
Period dialogue
This came up in the Pop-up on Feb 13 2022. Historic dialogue can be hard to get right, but unless the author makes a point of setting out that this story is deliberately "historical setting/modern dialogue" it can be quite distracting to the reader to be moving along in the 1920s, then suddenly hit a 1990s swear word. Either make it very clear that this is modern dialogue, or take care to get the time period into the voice of the characters. This is a particular bugbear in WW2 fiction, which is too often written as if it was happening today.
Class
In England, in particular, the way people speak says more about them than just the words. That said, this is easier to signify with vocabulary than accent in the written word compared with the screen (it is not always easy to get the accent right on a screen, as a former Brummie I couldn't watch Peaky Blinders because of the accents). Perhaps the *occasional* sprinkling of accent descriptors might be helpful (but at most one a page, or even less, he wrote leadenly). This is a good opportunity to slip in some back story (riffing on My Fair Lady: "clothes from Chelsea, vowels from Hackney"), but again, take care not to do it too often. In the US the distinctions are more regional than economic, but very similar considerations apply.
What's important is what's not said
Is it true that 90% of communication is nonverbal? A non-writely resource has a more nuanced view – suggesting that communication is 7% the words, 38% the way the words are spoken and 55% classic non-verbal body language. It can be hard to "show not tell" this other 55-90%, but you can probably narrow down what a character is feeling from a crisply described reaction, or descriptor of how they are speaking. What do you think is going on with Mary if she is... looking out of the window, picking her nose, staring at the hot guy who walked in, yawning, frowning, stamping her fist on the table, hopping from foot to foot, stroking her cat, summoning the waiter, pushing her glasses up her nose, fiddling in a handbag? You won't get it right every time as the reader (or writer) but it's much more involving than "I'm not sure," she said disbelievingly/distractedly/intently...
Ed
Attributions and Action
Dialogue is not just about "he said", "she said". Attributions are important but that’s not just what dialogue is about. Dialogue is vital in portraying character, peppering exposition (NB: NOT dumping it), and improving pace.
Dialogue tags/attributions: when in doubt, keep it simple.
Exposition: can hide in plain sight in dialogue. Don’t overdo this.
Characterisation: dialogue is a perfect way to communicate a character.
Pace: dialogue can move a story forward.
"She said" and "he said" work for most attributions. That keeps dialogue tags clean and simple and the reader is informed about who is speaking but not overwhelmed by the writer’s description of the character’s voice or emotions. That’s not to say you should NEVER use "he yelled", "she shouted", etc (see example under), just that much of the time it isn’t necessary.
Examples:
"Saumensch du dreckigs!" Liesel’s foster mother shouted that first evening, when she refused to have a bath. "You filthy pig! Why won’t you get undressed?" She was good at being furious. In fact, you could say that Rosa Hubermann had a face decorated with constant fury. That was how the creases were made in the cardboard texture of her complexion.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
To use "said" in that example would, I feel, have weakened the outburst from Liesel’s foster mother. And there are two – two! – exclamation points. Don’t tell Elmore Leonard. Frau Hubermann’s character was a bit over-the-top and always very excitable, so the exclamation points work fine for her – they’re in character.
Here’s another example from the same book (Rudi has stolen a potato from the grocer Mamer’s garden).
"My family," Rudy explained. A convenient stream of clear fluid began to trickle from his nose. He made a point of not wiping it away. "We’re all starving. My sister needed a new coat. The last one was stolen."
Mamer was no fool. Still holding Rudy by the collar he said, "And you plan to dress her with a potato?"
"No, sir." He looked diagonally into the one eye he could see of his captor. Mamer was a barrel of a man, with two small bullet-holes to look out of. His teeth were like a football crowd, crammed in. "We traded all our points for the coat three weeks ago and now we have nothing to eat."
The grocer held Rudy in one hand and the potato in the other. He called out the dreaded word to his wife. "Polizei."
"No," Rudi begged, "please." He would tell Liesel later on that he was not the slightest bit afraid, but his heart was certainly bursting at that moment, I’m sure. "Not the police. Please, not the police."
"Polizei." Mamer remained unmoved as the boy wriggled and fought with the air.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Consider how exposition has been woven into the story via Rudy’s dialogue. Apart from dialogue tags, the information we give through dialogue is also important. We’re still learning about Rudy, and now we know how poor he and his family are. Starving, in fact.
Compare that example with no attributions at all, just action by the speaker in A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin:
Sam handed back the sword. “When I try to swat a bug, it always flies away All I do is slap my arm. It stings.”
That made Jon laugh. “As you will. Qhorin could have killed me as easy as you eat a bowl of porridge.” Sam was fond of porridge, especially when it was sweetened with honey.
“I don’t have time for this.” Sam left his friends and made his way toward the armory, clutching his books to his chest. I am the shield that guards the realm of men, he remembered. He wondered what those men would say if they realised their realms were being guarded by the likes of Grenn, Pyp, and Dolorous Edd.
As ever, much depends on your style of writing and what you’re trying to convey in a scene, and how fast you want to convey it. There is nothing wrong with rich attributions such as "he explained", "he begged", "she shouted". Be careful not to overdo it – remember, balance in all things – but there’s no need to cut them all out just because the current writing fads may disdain them. Equally, using "he said", "she said" does the job just as well. You decide.
What I would absolutely avoid is using adverbs that add nothing: "she shouted angrily, "he slammed the door furiously", "he ran quickly..." Or as I saw recently: "she said embarrassedly"… Just… no. Those kinds of tags weaken your writing. In the first place, they’re telling the reader rather than showing. In the second place, it’s as if the writer thinks the reader may not be smart enough to understand the scene, so they add an adverb. Respect your reader, don’t patronise them. If you feel a rich tag will add something to the scene you’re writing, use it. If not, don’t. It really is that simple.
My preference would be to mix and match, using what is appropriate to the scene and what other job I want the dialogue to do. I like how G.R.R. Martin, uses the actions of his characters to show us who’s speaking. That made Jon laugh or Sam handed back the sword. That adds texture, moves the scene forward and gives us more touches of characterisation.
Dialogue does so many jobs – as everyone has mentioned above. It’s an important tool in the writer’s toolbox and is all too often underestimated. If you have long tracts of meandering dialogue that go nowhere – cut them. Dialogue should move the story forward, give us a glimpse into someone’s character, or provide conflict or action (which also take the story forward). Pointless dialogue is like any other waffle. It shows the writer has lost the plot.
Ancora Imparo
Here's a link to a short piece giving more advice on dialogue. It's a few years old but good advice is timeless:
www.liternauts.com
Rachel, Galadriel, Ed, Kay (Ancora Imparo)
DIALOGUE
What is it: it’s speech between two or more characters.
Formatting: set speech marks at the beginning and end of a line of dialogue. Be consistent. Use single speech marks or double. Don't mix them (except for the example under of quotes within quotes). Speech marks usually surround all other punctuation:
“Imagine speech marks are like hugs,” she said. “All parts of the speech, including commas and full stops at the end must be hugged by speech marks.” However, with some reported speech, punctuation can come after the quotation marks.
EG: By the end of the day, she had decided Robert was right when he said “enough is enough”.
Each time a new character speaks, set their words down on a new line:
“So, are you going to follow my advice?” asked Katie.
“Sure, if it’s the sensible thing to do,” said Roland.
Paragraphing and Speech Length: usually, dialogue should lend pace to a novel. However, if a character gives a long speech: begin a new line, open with speech marks, but break up the speech into appropriate paragraphs. Each new paragraph should open with speech marks. But there is no need for any at the end of each paragraph if the same person is speaking, only the final paragraph.
Direct speech: direct speech is active dialogue. It is simply characters speaking, as in the above example. It is wise to use dialogue tags to show who is speaking. This is especially important if it’s a long conversation or there are more than two characters talking.
Dialogue tags: said, asked, begged, shouted, cried, etc. It is prudent not to go overboard with too many different tags. Keep it simple. "Said" is generally unobtrusive. To use too many variations falls into telling as well as being distracting for the reader.
Example:
“We’re lost!” wailed Amy.
“No we’re not!” barked Chris.
“ We are!” spat Amy. ‘We should’ve brought a map."
“This way!” yelled Chris. “ We don’t need a map; we’re not lost."
Remember to be consistent. If you use double quote marks for dialogue, use doubles throughout. If you use singles, use them throughout. The only time that changes is when there’s a quote within a quote:
“What did he say?” Anne asked.
“He said, ‘well, I’m going home’. And I agreed he should,” replied Jane. (NB: the full stop after home comes AFTER the single speech mark, because this is a quote within a quote, or reported speech, and the full stop belongs to what Jane is saying.)
Indirect speech (also known as reported speech):
It can be used to paraphrase a long speech said by someone not present. It is also reported speech because the words are coming ‘second hand.’ This means someone is reporting what someone else said; it can show gossip or recount of someone’s actions.
Examples:
“Amy told me that Chris had yelled at her when they were lost the other day,” said Frank. “Apparently, he’d said there was no need to follow a map as they weren’t lost.”
Note: "that" is optional in above sentence. Also, past tense used.
See image in attached Word document and more detail regarding tenses from Direct and Indirect Speech With Examples and Explanations - Owlcation
Style of Speech/Quotation marks: single speech marks or double; serif (shaped like 6s and 9s) or sans serif (straight). Choose style and don’t mix them.
Abrupt cut-off dialogue & trailing off dialogue: can be shown by an em-dash (in US) or n-dash (UK); or ellipsis, respectively. Some styles have no spaces around the em- or n-dashes, others have one space either side. Be consistent.
Examples:
“Why did the chicken─?” Bob began.
“What a rubbish joke!” the heckler interrupted.
“I’m useless at this . . .” Bob sighed.
Website link: Direct and Indirect Speech With Examples and Explanations - Owlcation
Youtube link: How to Write Compelling Dialogue: A Proven Process - YouTube
Four Simple Rules for Writing Dialogue by Robert Wiersema - YouTube
Galadriel
DIALOGUE - THE SECRET SAUCE
A good rule of thumb to write by follows:
Dialogue in fiction has five functions. One or more of the following must always be at work, or you're just taking up space:
1. Reveal story information
2. Reveal character
3. Set the tone
4. Set the scene
5. Reveal theme
Bell, James Scott. How to Write Dazzling Dialogue: The Fastest Way to Improve Any Manuscript (p. 22). Compendium Press. Kindle Edition.
Plus subtext, but that requires a Craft Chat all on its own.
REVEAL STORY INFORMATION
Sometimes exposition is necessary, and sometimes it happens in dialogue. Just don’t let a reader catch you doing it or you risk kicking them out of your story. Writing that reads like writing, or the characters saying something they already know, is something you want to avoid.
If the writer feels they must include a piece of dialogue for the reader’s benefit (because the reader needs to know), chances are your dialogue isn’t organic.
So how do you make it organic? First, accept that you don’t have to explain everything. It’s okay to leave a reader wondering. Second, and this is a biggie … trust your reader.
Here’s a bit of exposition hidden in organic dialogue:
“Are you a stranger or a spirit?” Estele asks warily.
“I am neither,” says Adeline, though she knows how she must look. Her dress tattered, her hair wild, streaming words like witchcraft on the step. “I am flesh and blood and human, and I have known you all my life. You make charms in the shape of children to keep them well in winter. You think peaches are the sweetest fruit, and that church walls are too thick for prayers to get through, and you want to be buried not beneath a stone, but in a patch of shade under a large tree.”
Schwab, V.E.. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (p. 57). Titan Books. Kindle Edition.
REVEAL CHARACTER
If you’ve read or watched anything about dialogue, then you’ll have seen that character motivation, put into opposition with another character’s motivation, engages a reader. In short, characters have their own agenda. This is true. But there’s more to it.
It’s Character. Their voice. Their word choice (not the author’s). Their syntax. Their attitude. Their turn of phrase. And motivation doesn’t have to be present.
Here’s what I mean … just Character:
“How was your trip?”
“It was fine . . . except . . . he died.”
The glass I was drinking juice from slips out of my grip and shatters on the kitchen floor. Ayoola is standing in the doorway. She has been home all of ten minutes and I already feel as if my world is turning upside down.
“He . . . he died?”
Braithwaite, Oyinkan. My Sister, the Serial Killer: The Sunday Times Bestseller (p. 126). Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
Character infuses the second line. IMHO, this is a flippant character, lacking in empathy. The way a “fine” trip ends in death is almost a juxtaposition. Who describes the event of a death on a trip as “fine”? What kind of character must this be?
SET THE TONE
Your dialogue word choices are a tool to help set the tone of your book, even set genre expectations.
Thriller:
“I was in West Virginia yesterday. They found a body over there, Buffalo Bill’s latest.”
“Not quite his latest, Clarice.”
“His next-to-latest.”
“Yes.”
“She was scalped. Just as you said she would be.”
Harris, Thomas. Silence Of The Lambs (Hannibal Lecter). Random House. Kindle Edition.
Thriller words: body, scalped.
Fantasy:
“The demon can’t come during the day,” Irina said. “He only appears at night. I don’t know why, but if he could, he’d surely have tried to take me before now: he had me alone today, or close enough.” She paused and added, thoughtfully, “When the tsar’s mother was condemned for sorcery, they took her and burned her all in one day, before the sun set.”
Novik, Naomi. Spinning Silver (p. 218). Pan Macmillan UK. Kindle Edition.
Fantasy words: demon, sorcery
Sci-fi:
"Keep him here for at least an hour. Watch him. If he doesn’t start talking in fifteen minutes, call me. Could have unplugged him forever. I don’t have the brains of a bugger."
Ender's Game (The Ender Quartet series) (p. 4). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
Sci-fi words: unplugged, bugger
Historical fiction (by a Litopian author):
"Hanging is an unpleasant fate," was all she said, reflectively. "So English, so bungled, so undignified. When I die, it will be by the guillotine – or in my bed."
Nattrass, Leonora (2021-10-13T23:58:59.000). Black Drop. Profile. Kindle Edition..
Historical words: hanging, guillotine
Just a few examples… look at your own favourite books and pick out the tone words.
SET THE SCENE
The way characters discuss where they are can help entrench a reader in the setting. An example:
“What is this place?”
“It’s called Rojas.”
“So we’re far south?”
“Yes. Only about fifty miles from the border with Panama.”
The Lost World (p. 18). Random House. Kindle Edition.
REVEAL THEME
Be careful if you have a theme that you don’t lecture the reader. Readers aren't kids in school. No one appreciates being talked down to – they switch off.
Karl Iglesias, screenwriter and teacher, has a great analogy – the sugar coated pill. Hide your message in the story, and using dialogue is one tool in your toolbox.
A classic example, on the theme of marriage:
"What is his name?"
"Bingley."
"Is he married or single?"
"Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"
Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice. Kindle Edition.
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
This is for screenwriters, but dialogue is their trade:
Rachel
Look ma – I broke the rules!
One fun thing with dialogue is that characters don't have the same strictures to follow as authors, apparently they can speak natural, terrifically adjectively laden non sequiturs with mistakes and everything and just... ! Keep it consistent, if you have done your job readers will get used to a character having a tone of voice and expression and will expect it to be somewhat consistent (unless it isn't for a reason) and, in the same way a journalist will say "edited for clarity," don't let yourself get carried away, the reader will still want to be able to follow.
It's very hard (?impossible) in the written word to convey people talking across each other without saying something like "they interrupted each other." If you need that type of interaction, accept you have a bit of tell, and perhaps use it as a chance to do something else to develop character/theme (e.g. one downtrodden character falls silent too fast, the bully shouts to stop everyone else etc).
Period dialogue
This came up in the Pop-up on Feb 13 2022. Historic dialogue can be hard to get right, but unless the author makes a point of setting out that this story is deliberately "historical setting/modern dialogue" it can be quite distracting to the reader to be moving along in the 1920s, then suddenly hit a 1990s swear word. Either make it very clear that this is modern dialogue, or take care to get the time period into the voice of the characters. This is a particular bugbear in WW2 fiction, which is too often written as if it was happening today.
Class
In England, in particular, the way people speak says more about them than just the words. That said, this is easier to signify with vocabulary than accent in the written word compared with the screen (it is not always easy to get the accent right on a screen, as a former Brummie I couldn't watch Peaky Blinders because of the accents). Perhaps the *occasional* sprinkling of accent descriptors might be helpful (but at most one a page, or even less, he wrote leadenly). This is a good opportunity to slip in some back story (riffing on My Fair Lady: "clothes from Chelsea, vowels from Hackney"), but again, take care not to do it too often. In the US the distinctions are more regional than economic, but very similar considerations apply.
What's important is what's not said
Is it true that 90% of communication is nonverbal? A non-writely resource has a more nuanced view – suggesting that communication is 7% the words, 38% the way the words are spoken and 55% classic non-verbal body language. It can be hard to "show not tell" this other 55-90%, but you can probably narrow down what a character is feeling from a crisply described reaction, or descriptor of how they are speaking. What do you think is going on with Mary if she is... looking out of the window, picking her nose, staring at the hot guy who walked in, yawning, frowning, stamping her fist on the table, hopping from foot to foot, stroking her cat, summoning the waiter, pushing her glasses up her nose, fiddling in a handbag? You won't get it right every time as the reader (or writer) but it's much more involving than "I'm not sure," she said disbelievingly/distractedly/intently...
Ed
Attributions and Action
Dialogue is not just about "he said", "she said". Attributions are important but that’s not just what dialogue is about. Dialogue is vital in portraying character, peppering exposition (NB: NOT dumping it), and improving pace.
Dialogue tags/attributions: when in doubt, keep it simple.
Exposition: can hide in plain sight in dialogue. Don’t overdo this.
Characterisation: dialogue is a perfect way to communicate a character.
Pace: dialogue can move a story forward.
"She said" and "he said" work for most attributions. That keeps dialogue tags clean and simple and the reader is informed about who is speaking but not overwhelmed by the writer’s description of the character’s voice or emotions. That’s not to say you should NEVER use "he yelled", "she shouted", etc (see example under), just that much of the time it isn’t necessary.
Examples:
"Saumensch du dreckigs!" Liesel’s foster mother shouted that first evening, when she refused to have a bath. "You filthy pig! Why won’t you get undressed?" She was good at being furious. In fact, you could say that Rosa Hubermann had a face decorated with constant fury. That was how the creases were made in the cardboard texture of her complexion.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
To use "said" in that example would, I feel, have weakened the outburst from Liesel’s foster mother. And there are two – two! – exclamation points. Don’t tell Elmore Leonard. Frau Hubermann’s character was a bit over-the-top and always very excitable, so the exclamation points work fine for her – they’re in character.
Here’s another example from the same book (Rudi has stolen a potato from the grocer Mamer’s garden).
"My family," Rudy explained. A convenient stream of clear fluid began to trickle from his nose. He made a point of not wiping it away. "We’re all starving. My sister needed a new coat. The last one was stolen."
Mamer was no fool. Still holding Rudy by the collar he said, "And you plan to dress her with a potato?"
"No, sir." He looked diagonally into the one eye he could see of his captor. Mamer was a barrel of a man, with two small bullet-holes to look out of. His teeth were like a football crowd, crammed in. "We traded all our points for the coat three weeks ago and now we have nothing to eat."
The grocer held Rudy in one hand and the potato in the other. He called out the dreaded word to his wife. "Polizei."
"No," Rudi begged, "please." He would tell Liesel later on that he was not the slightest bit afraid, but his heart was certainly bursting at that moment, I’m sure. "Not the police. Please, not the police."
"Polizei." Mamer remained unmoved as the boy wriggled and fought with the air.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Consider how exposition has been woven into the story via Rudy’s dialogue. Apart from dialogue tags, the information we give through dialogue is also important. We’re still learning about Rudy, and now we know how poor he and his family are. Starving, in fact.
Compare that example with no attributions at all, just action by the speaker in A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin:
Sam handed back the sword. “When I try to swat a bug, it always flies away All I do is slap my arm. It stings.”
That made Jon laugh. “As you will. Qhorin could have killed me as easy as you eat a bowl of porridge.” Sam was fond of porridge, especially when it was sweetened with honey.
“I don’t have time for this.” Sam left his friends and made his way toward the armory, clutching his books to his chest. I am the shield that guards the realm of men, he remembered. He wondered what those men would say if they realised their realms were being guarded by the likes of Grenn, Pyp, and Dolorous Edd.
As ever, much depends on your style of writing and what you’re trying to convey in a scene, and how fast you want to convey it. There is nothing wrong with rich attributions such as "he explained", "he begged", "she shouted". Be careful not to overdo it – remember, balance in all things – but there’s no need to cut them all out just because the current writing fads may disdain them. Equally, using "he said", "she said" does the job just as well. You decide.
What I would absolutely avoid is using adverbs that add nothing: "she shouted angrily, "he slammed the door furiously", "he ran quickly..." Or as I saw recently: "she said embarrassedly"… Just… no. Those kinds of tags weaken your writing. In the first place, they’re telling the reader rather than showing. In the second place, it’s as if the writer thinks the reader may not be smart enough to understand the scene, so they add an adverb. Respect your reader, don’t patronise them. If you feel a rich tag will add something to the scene you’re writing, use it. If not, don’t. It really is that simple.
My preference would be to mix and match, using what is appropriate to the scene and what other job I want the dialogue to do. I like how G.R.R. Martin, uses the actions of his characters to show us who’s speaking. That made Jon laugh or Sam handed back the sword. That adds texture, moves the scene forward and gives us more touches of characterisation.
Dialogue does so many jobs – as everyone has mentioned above. It’s an important tool in the writer’s toolbox and is all too often underestimated. If you have long tracts of meandering dialogue that go nowhere – cut them. Dialogue should move the story forward, give us a glimpse into someone’s character, or provide conflict or action (which also take the story forward). Pointless dialogue is like any other waffle. It shows the writer has lost the plot.
Ancora Imparo
Here's a link to a short piece giving more advice on dialogue. It's a few years old but good advice is timeless:
Liternauts - Ten Keys to Write Effective Dialogue
The key to writing effective dialogue is to keep the authenticity of a real conversation but not at the expense of fluency and clarity.www.liternauts.com
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