- Feb 3, 2024
- LitBits
- 0
If Writing Were Choreographed by Laura Rikono Notes from a Writer among Dancers
In a studio far, far away…
There once was a girl.
What’s this? That’s not a start. It’s barely a remark! We need grounding. Try something traditional.
Once upon a time there was a girl.
No! That’s not good enough. What’s her name?
Oh. It’s Luna.
Then put it in!
Once upon a time, there was a girl called Luna.
Okay, not bad. We’ll go with that for now. Who’s writing the next sentence?
Uh, hello? I am.
Give it to us. And SPEAK UP!
Ahem. She lived at the edge of a forest.
Hmm. Okay… Everyone, what do we think about that?
Well, I’m not sure the tense is the right fit.
Tense? Yes. We need power! Try something else.
She was living at the edge of a forest.
No! Too passive. Sharper! SHARPER!
She lives at the edge of a forest.
Too contemporary! Fine. Let’s stick with the original for now. Next sentence please… Come on, faster!
One day, she was bored.
Where’s the energy? There’s nothing there! Add an adverb.
But Mr King said not to use adverbs.
Are you Mr King? No! That sentence is dull. Flat! It needs adverbs!
One day, she was very bored.
Not enough. It’s got to pop!
One day, she was extremely bored.
No, no, no! Give it some BITE!
One day, she was dreadfully bored.
Yes! That’s it! That’s the one! Right, who’s writing the next sentence?
I am. She was washing the dishes.
Dishes? Everyone, what do we think about that?
Well, it’s not very relatable. The audience might not connect.
You’re right. What other things bore us? Quick! QUICK!
How about watching the news?
I said boring, not terrifying! Something else.
The Wi-Fi was slow.
YES! Good. Carry on. Next sentence… next sentence? Hey! Who’s writing the next sentence? PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE!
Ahem. Yes. Sorry, I was just incorporating the recent changes… Okay, here it is: She got fed up with waiting, so she put down her phone and went outside.
Okay… feedback?
I’m not sure. I think it needs a metaphor.
A metaphor? Yes. Put one of those in. Go. GO!
Um. I’m not sure I can…
FOCUS! The clock is ticking! Everyone! We need metaphors. Pile on ideas!
How about The phone fell from her hands like autumn leaves?
Hmm. No. Too seasonal. Something else.
She set aside her screen of infinite possibility.
Infinite possibility? Are you KIDDING ME?
She cast aside her device as if shedding the chains of digital bondage.
ENOUGH! Forget the metaphor. Let’s go back to She put down her phone. Simple. Clean. Moving on! Who’s next? WHO’S NEXT?
Me! Here we go: So Luna went outside and—
LUNA? Who said Luna? We changed that!
Um, did we?
YES!
Pardon me, director, but we didn’t.
… we didn’t?
No. It’s still Luna.
RIGHT! From the top! Once upon a time… Come on! Focus! FOCUS!
Where stories are born (and immediately rewritten) Photo by Serge Le Strat on Unsplash
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There once was a girl.
What’s this? That’s not a start. It’s barely a remark! We need grounding. Try something traditional.
Once upon a time there was a girl.
No! That’s not good enough. What’s her name?
Oh. It’s Luna.
Then put it in!
Once upon a time, there was a girl called Luna.
Okay, not bad. We’ll go with that for now. Who’s writing the next sentence?
Uh, hello? I am.
Give it to us. And SPEAK UP!
Ahem. She lived at the edge of a forest.
Hmm. Okay… Everyone, what do we think about that?
Well, I’m not sure the tense is the right fit.
Tense? Yes. We need power! Try something else.
She was living at the edge of a forest.
No! Too passive. Sharper! SHARPER!
She lives at the edge of a forest.
Too contemporary! Fine. Let’s stick with the original for now. Next sentence please… Come on, faster!
One day, she was bored.
Where’s the energy? There’s nothing there! Add an adverb.
But Mr King said not to use adverbs.
Are you Mr King? No! That sentence is dull. Flat! It needs adverbs!
One day, she was very bored.
Not enough. It’s got to pop!
One day, she was extremely bored.
No, no, no! Give it some BITE!
One day, she was dreadfully bored.
Yes! That’s it! That’s the one! Right, who’s writing the next sentence?
I am. She was washing the dishes.
Dishes? Everyone, what do we think about that?
Well, it’s not very relatable. The audience might not connect.
You’re right. What other things bore us? Quick! QUICK!
How about watching the news?
I said boring, not terrifying! Something else.
The Wi-Fi was slow.
YES! Good. Carry on. Next sentence… next sentence? Hey! Who’s writing the next sentence? PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE!
Ahem. Yes. Sorry, I was just incorporating the recent changes… Okay, here it is: She got fed up with waiting, so she put down her phone and went outside.
Okay… feedback?
I’m not sure. I think it needs a metaphor.
A metaphor? Yes. Put one of those in. Go. GO!
Um. I’m not sure I can…
FOCUS! The clock is ticking! Everyone! We need metaphors. Pile on ideas!
How about The phone fell from her hands like autumn leaves?
Hmm. No. Too seasonal. Something else.
She set aside her screen of infinite possibility.
Infinite possibility? Are you KIDDING ME?
She cast aside her device as if shedding the chains of digital bondage.
ENOUGH! Forget the metaphor. Let’s go back to She put down her phone. Simple. Clean. Moving on! Who’s next? WHO’S NEXT?
Me! Here we go: So Luna went outside and—
LUNA? Who said Luna? We changed that!
Um, did we?
YES!
Pardon me, director, but we didn’t.
… we didn’t?
No. It’s still Luna.
RIGHT! From the top! Once upon a time… Come on! Focus! FOCUS!
Where stories are born (and immediately rewritten) Photo by Serge Le Strat on Unsplash
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