Litopia

We’re delighted you’re here! You’re just a few clicks away from joining the ‘net’s oldest community for writers… and certainly the friendliest. Click the “Register” button to create a free account. See you in the Colony!

Hello!

Take A Moment Fatigue

Flash Club Winner! July WinnerS

Sammi Nderi

Basic
LV
0
 
Ahoy folks, am a first-time novelist looking for critique of my 65,000-word novel before it is published. am welcoming all who would like to have a look at chapter 1 (2,085 words) to holler. The novel is a coming-of-age narrative in the romance with action and adventure genres. See synopsis below.
Labor of Conquest - Synopsis

What can a mad, homeless lady do to a six-year-old kid? Decapitation has never been so close to home, as when it happens to your grandpa. Eduardo Kaminho is conceived and born out of wedlock in Kenya. With his German mother being hesitant to take him back to her home country, she looks for a foster mother and leaves the child with her, admonishing her to be sure to look for his Kenyan, charcoal-seller father, when the baby is older.

Whether the young boy will suffer or thrive, die or survive, will depend on his will to win, and his desire to conquer, the many challenges, fears and doubts he faces. When a heart-rending experience in his home country forces Kaminho to reconsider his life purpose, his search for meaning in life takes him from the hectic Nairobi, to the towering skyscrapers of Frankfurt, to the cobbled streets of Freiburg im Breisgau and the scenic hillside town of Habkern, Switzerland, and then back to the sunny beaches and winding streets of a UNESCO World Heritage town in Kenya. And when he is back in Kenya, there is still one more hurdle he has to assail.

The story of how he encounters terror, heartbreak, bloodshed, arson, racial profiling and finds beauty and love, in one of the world’s most beautiful and blessed countries, is poignant and full of surprises at every turn.
 

Brayati

Basic
LV
0
 
I'll have a look at it, but first - how many times have your received critiques? This is so I know the thickness of your skin. Some people need a gentle hand to start with, and some have rhino hide. I'm hoping you have rhino hide, because stories often need a fair amount of (metaphorical) whipping into shape.
 

Vagabond Heart

Full Member
LV
0
 
Heya, and welcome.
Hope you enjoy being here.
Maybe suggest you have a look in the Writing Workshop, which is the place we generally put work we want help with? You’ll see how other people do it, what format they use, and what questions they ask. It will be the place to put your first chapter, under the heading, ‘Critique wanted’.
As for your synopsis, it’s not quite up to par yet. Is reading more like a long blurb combined with a pitch.
And that is also something you can take to the Writing Workshop when you are ready.
As for your book - it sounds interesting, so am looking forward to seeing that first chapter.
Xxx VH
 

Izuku

Full Member
LV
2
 
Awards
1
Welcome, Sammi!
As for your synopsis, it’s not quite up to par yet. Is reading more like a long blurb combined with a pitch.
I second.

I would be happy to critique the first chapter. Drop that baby in writing workshops, as our Vagabond suggested. Depending on the first chapter, I may be willing to read the book, buttttttt I already am booked for August and September (lol, only beta read one book a month, gotta save time for indies, library runs, and my pile of classics. And, of course, writing). Looking forward to reading chapter the first. :)
 

Izuku

Full Member
LV
2
 
Awards
1
Here.
 

Take A Moment Fatigue

Flash Club Winner! July WinnerS

Top