The Power of the Lullaby

Horrible English

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Katie-Ellen

Full Member
Sep 25, 2014
UK
Ahhh. The lullaby. That great cultural and literary artefact of disputable effectiveness. Shall we have a go at penning a few? Maybe even those traditional ones we customized along the way? I always had to sing 'twinkle, twinkle little star' - twice, before my first born would consent to lie down. This acquired variants in time, such as 'twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder where you're at,' and 'twinkle, twinkle little pest, time to lie you down to rest.'

Go The Fuck To Sleep
 

Oh dear. This is so wrong, even when a cool/bad-ass actor does it as a joke. (This is the mums voice in me :D)

A much better, scientifically accurate version of Twinkle, twinkle:



Lyrics:
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.

Giant thermonuclear reaction;
Held by gravitational attraction.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
You look so small 'cause you're so far.

As you burn through constant fusion,
Your twinkle's just an optical illusion.
That happens when your light gets near;
distorted by our atmosphere.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,
spreading light and heat so far.
As you use up fuel you'll grow,
and give off a scarlet glow;

Maybe you'll go supernova,
exploding elements all over.
Now I know just what you are;
and I know I'm made of stars.

Anon - MinutePhysics

This is physicist humour (I did Physics at Uni and a year in research )
 
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Even more subversive: "Mommy had a little baby. There he is fast asleep. He's just a little plaything. Why not wake him up?"

The song was adapted into a book illustrated by Maira Kalman. My 6 almost 7 year old grandson loves it.
 
I don't suppose kids can be given a sleeping tablet every night? I suppose not. Would be far more effective than singing lullabyes.
 
I don't suppose kids can be given a sleeping tablet every night? I suppose not. Would be far more effective than singing lullabyes.

Back in the old days, babies were given something called Gripe Water. This supposedly stopped irritable babies with colic from wailing, helping them to sleep. What no one knew at the time was the secret formulation included 3.6% alcohol—so, basically, the baby was drunk!

It's still made today, without the alcohol.

85f9b55f9fb7e74e67d93f433ae2f661.jpg
 
I remember being given gripe water. And I loved it, used to fake tummy upsets to get more. My brother used to guzzle it down whenever the cupboard was unlocked.

Must have been the alcohol!
 
Back in the old days, babies were given something called Gripe Water. This supposedly stopped irritable babies with colic from wailing, helping them to sleep. What no one knew at the time was the secret formulation included 3.6% alcohol—so, basically, the baby was drunk!

It's still made today, without the alcohol.

85f9b55f9fb7e74e67d93f433ae2f661.jpg


Ah, gripe water! That happy, happy bottle. Mind you, I've known of a young adult with IBS symptoms who said it soothed the pain. Maybe the alcohol acted as an additional relaxant.
 
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Horrible English

Fanfare! Short story 'Packed Lunch' accepted...

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