Stephen King's rules

[James Charles]

Here's the man, the myth, the legend's rules:

https://www.openculture.com/2023/01...aPhaMdhRzmlwgLiGykqmOg8z8Sqqj_amdNL3yxscrZWKQ

 

[RK Wallis]

I like number 10.

 

[Hannah Faoileán]

No. 5 is important to remember. No.11 is Stephen King. Staying married would have been a bad, bad, bad decision for me.

 

[CarolMS]

I just read an intriguing post on Tiffany Yates Martin's blog about a psychological experience called the Dunning-Kruger Effect (or, as TYM calls it, The Dealing With Author Despair Syndrome) and found it really fits with my growing pains over time as a writer. (Thank goodness I've moved on to the empowerment phase!) I'm guessing I'm not the only one among us to feel the concept resonates. The gist: "Imagine a simple graph where the y-axis is confidence and the x-axis is knowledge. According to the Dunning-Kruger scale, initially people overestimate their knowledge of a topic and thus have higher confidence. . . . As their knowledge grows they understand the complexity of the subject much more deeply and realize how much they actually don’t know. Their confidence decreases even as their knowledge increases. You can check it out here: The Dunning-Kruger Effect (Or, Dealing with Author Despair Syndrome)

 

[Eva Ulian]

I agree with all of them, but not wholly, totally and completely.

 

[CarolMS]

I especially like #1 and #17 is always on my revision list.

 

[Hannah Faoileán]

I just read an intriguing post on Tiffany Yates Martin's blog about a psychological experience called the Dunning-Kruger Effect (or, as TYM calls it, The Dealing With Author Despair Syndrome) and found it really fits with my growing pains over time as a writer. (Thank goodness I've moved on to the empowerment phase!) I'm guessing I'm not the only one among us to feel the concept resonates. The gist: "Imagine a simple graph where the y-axis is confidence and the x-axis is knowledge. According to the Dunning-Kruger scale, initially people overestimate their knowledge of a topic and thus have higher confidence. . . . As their knowledge grows they understand the complexity of the subject much more deeply and realize how much they actually don’t know. Their confidence decreases even as their knowledge increases. You can check it out here: The Dunning-Kruger Effect (Or, Dealing with Author Despair Syndrome)

The wisest person is the one who knows that he doesn't know what he doesn't know.

 

[CarolMS]

The wisest person is the one who knows that he doesn't know what he doesn't know.

Agreed. And sadly, those who limit their vision and understanding by clinging to pre-formed beliefs and assumptions seem to have no idea the wealth of riches they miss, and the people they fail to connect with, because they approach the world with doors closed instead of open. It seems better to hold an attitude of curiosity in all things. That's how I like it, anyway. And humility.

 

[Mel L]

Read 'On Writing' years ago but happy to renew with the master. #20 says it all for me.

 

[Mel L]

I just read an intriguing post on Tiffany Yates Martin's blog about a psychological experience called the Dunning-Kruger Effect (or, as TYM calls it, The Dealing With Author Despair Syndrome) and found it really fits with my growing pains over time as a writer. (Thank goodness I've moved on to the empowerment phase!) I'm guessing I'm not the only one among us to feel the concept resonates. The gist: "Imagine a simple graph where the y-axis is confidence and the x-axis is knowledge. According to the Dunning-Kruger scale, initially people overestimate their knowledge of a topic and thus have higher confidence. . . . As their knowledge grows they understand the complexity of the subject much more deeply and realize how much they actually don’t know. Their confidence decreases even as their knowledge increases. You can check it out here: The Dunning-Kruger Effect (Or, Dealing with Author Despair Syndrome)

TYM is an inspiration!

 

[izi 出久]

I just read an intriguing post on Tiffany Yates Martin's blog about a psychological experience called the Dunning-Kruger Effect (or, as TYM calls it, The Dealing With Author Despair Syndrome) and found it really fits with my growing pains over time as a writer. (Thank goodness I've moved on to the empowerment phase!) I'm guessing I'm not the only one among us to feel the concept resonates. The gist: "Imagine a simple graph where the y-axis is confidence and the x-axis is knowledge. According to the Dunning-Kruger scale, initially people overestimate their knowledge of a topic and thus have higher confidence. . . . As their knowledge grows they understand the complexity of the subject much more deeply and realize how much they actually don’t know. Their confidence decreases even as their knowledge increases. You can check it out here: The Dunning-Kruger Effect (Or, Dealing with Author Despair Syndrome)

Once went through an (actually!!!) helpful professional development lunch and learn at an old job where they discussed the four stages of transition as

1. Incompetent and Confident
2. Incompetent and Unconfident
3. Competent and Unconfident
4. Competent but confidently seeking to grow

I realized what I was experiencing was common... so common there was a nice chart to explain it.

I think the same goes for writing.

 

[CarolMS]

Once went through an (actually!!!) helpful professional development lunch and learn at an old job where they discussed the four stages of transition as

1. Incompetent and Confident
2. Incompetent and Unconfident
3. Competent and Unconfident
4. Competent but confidently seeking to grow

I realized what I was experiencing was common... so common there was a nice chart to explain it.

I think the same goes for writing.

Common, for sure! It's comforting to know we don't have to be anywhere near perfect, isn't it?

 

[Vagabond Heart]

Interesting list. Can I just chuck in an idea?

I've been involved in and led courses on self-esteem. One of the main themes of these courses was that we have a check-list in our heads about how we should be, or want to be, or be seen as. And our belief in ourselves (our confidence) wavers according to how we measure up to that list.

But when we realise our worth is not tied to that checklist - that it is an arbitrary construct we absorbed from the intense pressure of the world around us, the rules of society, our parents' beliefs, and the things people expect of us, etc., - we can give ourselves freedom.

So, you can be Incompetent and confident (good for you, why shouldn't you be confident if nothing has suggested otherwise. Great things would never happen if we didn't push ourselves into those places).

You can be incompetent, and discovering your level of incompetence, yet still confident (because why not? You know you can learn from it. In fact, trying to push forward with something you've discovered you're currently a bit rubbish at is an extraordinary act of trust in your future. How far will you be able to go? You don't know yet. You're at the beginning of a journey. It might be that, with time and work, you really excel. And you have every reason to still be confident - your value as a human being did not change just because you started a new journey.)

You can be competent and notice you're still caught up in being unconfident, change it, and decide to be confident (because you are now steadily in that journey. Tell yourself how great you are for taking it on. Look at how you are growing and expanding. Know your worth never changed - just your levels of knowledge - and enjoy them both.)

And you can be competent and confident (regardless of whether you're seeking to grow. Your worth doesn't increase along with your knowledge. Your worth is your birthright and nothing can change that. But your enjoyment of and engagement with the world can expand with every moment you seek to grow. Yippee. So stand tall. You are awesome.)

 

[CarolMS]

Such encouraging advice, @Vagabond Heart! Incompetence is an awful word, really, isn't it? People use it like a label. Reminds me of a quote I once read by some anonymous person: Label jars, not people. And another quote I've always loved by Maya Angelou, so simple and so wise: Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better. We're all on that journey, aren't we? Learning. I think it helps to do the best we can in each present moment. Then we'll not only infuse the present with good, but can move toward a better future as well as create a whole bunch of good memories.

You're so right; our self-esteem has so much to do with how we think about ourselves, and, in turn, such self-perceptions are so much influenced by how we've experienced others, rightly or wrongly. If only everyone could just flip a switch and turn the light on, wouldn't the world be wonderful? But, sadly, so many are stuck, unconsciously hoping for new endings to past slights, insults, abuse (so, for example, they choose partners with whom they repeat past patterns while hoping things will be different); they're unable to open their eyes and see because their vision is clouded by the past. Sometimes the way is clear and easily found, but for others, when the trauma is deep, the journey can be far and long until, at last, there is validation that what happened mattered, that the injury was significant, the perpetrator was wrong, and the suffering real--and often most painful of all, that it was wrong that no one stepped in to prevent it or, in its aftermath, cared that it happened, perhaps minimizing or ignoring it, or worse, blaming the victim. Such survivors can't simply choose to move on. To ask them to do so too soon, as is often done with the best intentions, tends to just deepen their pain, repeating the early trauma of no one caring or understanding. It tells them their pain doesn't matter, and on some deep level, that they don't matter. Once they experience someone genuinely caring, the holding within can be let go of, they can grieve and be freed to make new choices. And new choices are, indeed, possible in every moment. That's the Beginner's Mind.

 

[Hannah Faoileán]

One thing I had to learn, after growing up with a mother who said an accidentally broken plate was my fault for being careless, or the kiddie friend who decided not to be my friend must have been my fault for upsetting them (the list goes on. It even seemed to be my fault that I was born) - the thing I had to learn (and I still have to keep telling myself) is that things that go wrong are not my fault.

 

[CarolMS]

Oh, Hannah, I get it. And I can imagine there were more such moments. And you're right: if things go wrong, It's. NOT. Your. Fault. Dang it!

 

[James Charles]

Interesting list. Can I just chuck in an idea?

I've been involved in and led courses on self-esteem. One of the main themes of these courses was that we have a check-list in our heads about how we should be, or want to be, or be seen as. And our belief in ourselves (our confidence) wavers according to how we measure up to that list.

But when we realise our worth is not tied to that checklist - that it is an arbitrary construct we absorbed from the intense pressure of the world around us, the rules of society, our parents' beliefs, and the things people expect of us, etc., - we can give ourselves freedom.

So, you can be Incompetent and confident (good for you, why shouldn't you be confident if nothing has suggested otherwise. Great things would never happen if we didn't push ourselves into those places).

You can be incompetent, and discovering your level of incompetence, yet still confident (because why not? You know you can learn from it. In fact, trying to push forward with something you've discovered you're currently a bit rubbish at is an extraordinary act of trust in your future. How far will you be able to go? You don't know yet. You're at the beginning of a journey. It might be that, with time and work, you really excel. And you have every reason to still be confident - your value as a human being did not change just because you started a new journey.)

You can be competent and notice you're still caught up in being unconfident, change it, and decide to be confident (because you are now steadily in that journey. Tell yourself how great you are for taking it on. Look at how you are growing and expanding. Know your worth never changed - just your levels of knowledge - and enjoy them both.)

And you can be competent and confident (regardless of whether you're seeking to grow. Your worth doesn't increase along with your knowledge. Your worth is your birthright and nothing can change that. But your enjoyment of, and engagement with, the world can expand with every moment you seek to grow. Yippee. So stand tall. You are awesome.)

Very insightful, Bev. And hopeful.