Rear Cover - Blurb

[Alistair Roberts]

So, opinions sought before I finalise the cover design which is some way off being needed. I'm not expecting to release 'Ceridwen and the Order of the Future Keepers' until June, as I'll be moving next month....

So, obviously this is the rear cover, please ignore the copyright bit as that won't be on the final version, just put it there for the obvious reason. So I know the cover of my first novel was - yep, very basic. Second one I rather liked apart from the bit of pink text, maybe not the best choice. One other vote for, one against
Third one, (Merlin and Ceridwen) generally liked, and the front cover for this one, similar style and also done by my daughter. I'll get to it another time. PS small version of the rear cover uploaded.

Any opinions greatly appreciated, and no rush either. I have plenty of work, editing etc. to do. Thanks, as always.

 

[Marc Joan]

Hi Alistair
Just a few typos and minor comments:
1. Apostrophe needed for "lead character's" [or "characters' "].
2. For me, you need either to capitalise "Goddesses" or not capitalise "dragons", not mix both.
3. The "th" in 16th would be better as a superscript, IMHO.
4. I thought it was new-born not "new born"?
5. In the sentence starting 'Add to that..", consider replacing "then" with "and".
6. "the events more interesting"...could you think of a stronger word than "interesting"? [shades of Steve 'Interesting' Davies!!]
7. Should be "places she visit just add" [not "adds"]
8. You don't need a question mark at the end of the sentence starting "Read to find out".
Hope this helps.

 

[Marc Joan]

Just realised you were looking for comments on broad design, not nit-picking line edits! Sorry!

 

[Meerkat]

I'm not sure about the light greenish font -- do you know anything about using color psychology? At my old job, we had to learn a bit about UX (User Experience), and color choices really do matter. Try this website: https://blog.kissmetrics.com/psychology-of-color-and-conversions/. It's about websites, but the psychology still applies.

I would add these to Marc's suggestions:

1. The sentence "Add to that" should not have a comma after "that." It also needs to be parallel, meaning that you need a verb to go with "the events more interesting." I'm assuming you meant "the events become more interesting"; if so, try "the battles become harder and the events more interesting, and the places she visits. . ."

2. The sentence "Read to find out" should read "Read to find out and see. . ."

I like the dragon in the corner!

 

[Jennifer Stone]

Looks good, i cant really add to what's been said, hope to see the front cover soon

 

[Carol Rose]

It has a lot of vague words and expressions in it. "More twists and turns than one could guess" "battles become harder" "events more interesting" etc. You've packed a lot into the blurb but haven't really told us anything about the book. It's too broad and (sorry) but I'm a bit confused what this is about. Maybe concentrate it more. Pick one or two key events and give us a more specific tease about them.

 

[Emurelda]

Hi Alistair. Can you not replace 'lead character' with her name? You won't need to repeat her name later.

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Good points Marc, except 5) replacing 'and' with 'then' means too many 'then' but otherwise agree. 6) Interesting could be replaced with 'dramatic' for more effect.
7) Can't agree there, IMHO 'add' is singular but she goes to more than one place, so should be plural.

Meerkat, I don't know what you are looking at, the font is YELLOW! It is the same as previous novels, same with the logo as well. Then you say I should ' try "the battles become harder and the events more interesting, and the places she visits. . ."' But, that is exactly what I had with the exception it had 'then' prior to that which is surely correct and necessary given the preceding part. I have since changed "interesting" to dramatic Deleted "also" (which is what you meant).

Tara, I'll have a look at maybe a second version, and see what I can come up with along those lines.

Emurelda, yes probably a good point.

 

[Marc Joan]

Good points Marc, except 5) replacing 'and' with 'then' means too many 'then' but otherwise agree. 6) Interesting could be replaced with 'dramatic' for more effect.
7) Can't agree there, IMHO 'add' is singular but she goes to more than one place, so should be plural..

Hmmm. Do you think it should be:
1. The places she visit just add to the story; or
2. The places she visit just adds to the story?
To me, the first sounds right, which was why I made the suggestion, but I often get things wrong.
I was suggesting you replace 'then' with 'and', not vice versa!
Also, I thought Meerkat's suggestion was a good one. Try reading her version and yours out aloud, and see which you like best.

 

[Carol Rose]

Marc is right. "The places she visit just add to the story" is correct.

http://www.grammaring.com/nouns-with-a-plural-form-and-a-singular-meaning

It's an awkward sentence with the word "just" in it. Maybe substitute "only" or leave it out altogether?

 

[Katie-Ellen]

What Tara said. Nothing that a sharp edit, and shortening down to half the length can't fix.

 

[Karen Gray]

So, opinions sought before I finalise the cover design which is some way off being needed. I'm not expecting to release 'Ceridwen and the Order of the Future Keepers' until June, as I'll be moving next month....

So, obviously this is the rear cover, please ignore the copyright bit as that won't be on the final version, just put it there for the obvious reason. So I know the cover of my first novel was - yep, very basic. Second one I rather liked apart from the bit of pink text, maybe not the best choice. One other vote for, one against
Third one, (Merlin and Ceridwen) generally liked, and the front cover for this one, similar style and also done by my daughter. I'll get to it another time. PS small version of the rear cover uploaded.View attachment 58

Any opinions greatly appreciated, and no rush either. I have plenty of work, editing etc. to do. Thanks, as always.

Ok, Here's my dyspraxic tuppence such as it is pmsl - remember I see things a little differently...

1. Myths, Dragons, Goddesses, Wales and the 16th Century I would re word just slightly because I read it as 'and Wales in the 16th Century'. Plus capitalize Goddesses

2. I wouldn't say 'lead character' it's jarring, use her name. Ceridwen's is a much better draw than lead character, and then say 'She' where you have her name a little later in the text, it will flow much nicer.

3.'life and experiences' jars me too, and my internal narration forces it to daily life. Or even Just any another day for Ceridwen, but when....

4. Newborn not New-born or new born

5. Oh help ma boab, please don't hate me. The twists and turns bits jars me too :/ I read it as Ceridwen embarks on a journey full of more twists and turns than she can count. and even that jars me a bitty :/

6. 'Add to' that I would take out and replace with All the while Merlin's warning and refusal to help, hangs heavy in her heart (or mind, or sits on her shoulders... all would work) making her battle that much harder.

7. I would cut 'Read to find out' and 'enter the mystery if you dare.'

8. 'the events more interesting and the places she visits just add to the story.' I would cut out entirely and just continue after HARDER. to Can standing stones really (insert what they are supposed to do, it's more intriguing rather than having 'that')? Was Merlin's warning that she would fail in her task correct? Is her future safe at all? < I would end the blurb here.

Ok, so you know I don't see things exactly as the others might, this is my view on it. I hope it helps more than hinders.

 

[Marc Joan]

I'm not sure about the light greenish font -- do you know anything about using color psychology? At my old job, we had to learn a bit about UX (User Experience), and color choices really do matter. Try this website: https://blog.kissmetrics.com/psychology-of-color-and-conversions/.
!

I had a look at the website. Interesting. I am sure colour has an effect on decision-making, but, coming from a biotech background, I'd like to see a lot more hard, 'techy' evidence to back up all the assertions made in the article; i.e. data from rigorous tests rather than anecdotal observations. But it's food for thought, thanks for posting. A little while ago, in the course of doing research for something I was writing, I looked at the neurophysiology of decision-making, including the potential influence of subliminal advertising, etc. It's fascinating. But whatever anybody thinks about all of that, it has to be true that a book will sell more if it looks good.

 

[Carol Rose]

Well I don't know much about the psychology of color, but I can tell you that it's amazing to me how many readers say they won't buy an e-book with a cover they don't like. Even the blurb won't pull them in if they hate the cover. Makes no sense to me whatsoever because I don't buy books to look at them - especially not e-books. I buy them to read them. LOL!! But there you have it. The visual appeal of a book in any format is apparently as important (or more so) to people than the words inside it.

 

[Jennifer Stone]

Well I don't know much about the psychology of color, but I can tell you that it's amazing to me how many readers say they won't buy an e-book with a cover they don't like. Even the blurb won't pull them in if they hate the cover. Makes no sense to me whatsoever because I don't buy books to look at them - especially not e-books. I buy them to read them. LOL!! But there you have it. The visual appeal of a book in any format is apparently as important (or more so) to people than the words inside it.

Personally, I read the blurb before i even look at the cover, but vibrant colours definitely direct my eyes to a specific book

 

[Emurelda]

It might depend on what kind of 'learner' we are. I am a visual learner so for me the cover might set the mood/flavour in my mind like an atmosphere that dictates the initial conditions for the beginning of the book. However, I dislike the cover for Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief yet I bought it because I knew (mental learner) of its popularity and wanted to try it. I wouldn't have picked it up though. I like it now that I've read it.

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Not sure where we crossed to the website, I haven't gotten back to that yet, still very much a WIP. But colour does have an impact. Life is a bit hectic at the moment, but I did a complete rework of the blurb.


"Myths, Dragons, Goddesses, and Wales in the 16th century. Just part of Ceridwen's everyday life, but when death tries to catch her newborn child, she embarks on a journey that traps them, and endangers Merlin, leading them to a mountain and encounter in France. With evil surrounding them, they find their way to Ireland, before a sad farewell in Avalon.
A feat of magic goes wrong, much to Merlin's amusement, but they are soon reminded of a powerful adversary. However Merlin's warning and refusal to help puts Ceridwen in a deadly position and her own plan seems doomed to failure. In the south of Wales she faces an adversary that Merlin has failed to defeat. Does she survive the ultimate test, and is the future safe?"

 

[Karen Gray]

Oooo yeah I like that much better!
Only one question. Is the and between mountain and encounter a typo? Or is it supposed to be a mountain encounter in France?

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Well I thought about that, but if I remove 'and' then doesn't it sound like the encounter is WITH the mountain, rather than on it? Actually, I might change that to "an encounter on a mountain in France" . Thanks.

 

[Karen Gray]

It's looking good

 

[James Marinero]

Hi Alistair, what the others have said plus, Welsh dragons are traditionally red, but I'm sure you know that already. I don't know if that would work with the colour psychologists but IMHO would inject a little more visual impact.

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Yes James I know the Welsh dragon is red. But this one is half black and half white, and is a theme through the series

 

[Marc Joan]

Not sure where we crossed to the website, I haven't gotten back to that yet, still very much a WIP. But colour does have an impact. Life is a bit hectic at the moment, but I did a complete rework of the blurb.
"Myths, Dragons, Goddesses, and Wales in the 16th century. Just part of Ceridwen's everyday life, but when death tries to catch her newborn child, she embarks on a journey that traps them, and endangers Merlin, leading them to a mountain and encounter in France. With evil surrounding them, they find their way to Ireland, before a sad farewell in Avalon.
A feat of magic goes wrong, much to Merlin's amusement, but they are soon reminded of a powerful adversary. However Merlin's warning and refusal to help puts Ceridwen in a deadly position and her own plan seems doomed to failure. In the south of Wales she faces an adversary that Merlin has failed to defeat. Does she survive the ultimate test, and is the future safe?"

Hi Alistair, it's much better now. A couple of minor points:
1. I'd put a comma after 'position' [5th sentence], but I know there will be arguments about this....
2. Repetition of adversary is not ideal?
Nice work!

 

[Meerkat]

they are soon reminded of a powerful adversary. However Merlin's warning and refusal to help puts Ceridwen in a deadly position and her own plan seems doomed to failure. In the south of Wales she faces an adversary that Merlin has failed to defeat. Does she survive the ultimate test, and is the future safe?"

On second reading:

1. Can you give a hint about the adversary?
2. What is Ceridwen's plan? Can you give a hint?
3. What is the ultimate test, and who is the future potentially unsafe for?

 

[Alistair Roberts]

Interesting points Meerkat, although then I'd worry about getting too wordy. Also, reword the second "adversary" as "a demon", so maybe that's a hint in itself? And yes Marc, noted those two points as well, and corrected. Thanks.

 

[Meerkat]

Interesting points Meerkat, although then I'd worry about getting too wordy. Also, reword the second "adversary" as "a demon", so maybe that's a hint in itself? And yes Marc, noted those two points as well, and corrected. Thanks.

"Demon" works better, I think. I'd consider that a good hint.

 

[Richard Sutton]

Sorry to come so late to the table, but the suggestions were all great, especially Tara's comment to tighten up and shorten it to two paragraphs. Also use the character's name to draw the reader in. I like pitch blurbs in present tense as well.