Amusement Not a meme about Corona. But fun anyway.

[Rachel Caldecott]

This cracked me up. Someone shared it on Facebook. It cracked me up. I hope it makes you laugh too, it has been a tough few months so it is important to laugh.
KIDS WRITE ABOUT THE OCEAN

1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) – Oysters ‘ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) – If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island . If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)

4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) – A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) – Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14)-The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

 

[Ancora Imparo]

Great! Except number nine, which makes me want to hug Amy and slap her dad.

 

[Rachel Caldecott]

I remember my kids saying stuff like this.

 

[Hannah F]

Reminds me of the time when I was teaching in a Catholic school. It was mass time, but I was supervising the kids who didn't go to the Catholic mass, and they were telling each other why.
One boy said, "I can't go to the Catholic mass because I'm a prostitute."

On another occasion a boy was talking about someone he knew who was sent to a borstal which his Dad had told him was a school for naughty boys, but the boy said,
"He's been sent to a brothel to learn how to behave."

 

[Rachel Caldecott]

Reminds me of the time when I was teaching in a Catholic school. It was mass time, but I was supervising the kids who didn't go to the Catholic mass, and they were telling each other why.
One boy said, "I can't go to the Catholic mass because I'm a prostitute."

On another occasion a boy was talking about someone he knew who was sent to a borstal which his Dad had told him was a school for naughty boys, but the boy said,
"He's been sent to a brothel to learn how to behave."

I have a worse story. I was in my first term of a 4yr teachers' training degree up in the Lake District. A group of students came up and said,
"Hey, Rachel, is it true you used to work in a brothel in Hong Kong?"
"No. I've never been to Hong Kong. But I've just spent 6 months in Japan." (Note how I didn't deny the brothel bit because I like playing with their heads).
"But Hong Kong is the capital of Japan."
"Nooooo. Tokyo is the capital of Japan."
"No!" they said. "Tokyo is the capital of China!"

Shortly afterwards I left the college and transferred to Brighton to study Expressive Arts. I couldn't see myself hacking 4 years with a bunch of idiots who were going on to teach the next generation, besides the lecturers weren't much better. Shame though, because I preferred being in the Lake District to Brighton.