Hypergivilance

Harper Lee Died on Friday

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Ysleliss reborn

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I have to admit that I dropped out of Litopia after the old site went offline and I have dragged my heels getting back into it (for no actual reason other than laziness). But here I am, returned and ready to get my teeth dirty, and my hands in.

My therapist told me that I am hypervigilant. It's usually something you get from PTSD but I don't have that. She was quick to point out that I am hypervigilant in a slightly different way. Rather than always looking over my shoulder out of fear, I do it to make people like me. You don't need to know about the sessions we spent discussing my childhood and failures as an adult to understand that I like to be liked.

"You will walk into a room and notice EVERYONE and then you will analyze them and work out what you need to be to make them like you. You're a chameleon."

When she put it that way it sounded a bit desperate and needy, which I don't think is me because I generally don't like people. But my therapist was right. I do do that. However, I would disagree that it is solely to make people like me. I do it to make my life easier. I don't like surprises. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I get nervous when put on the spot. My way of coping with this is to think of every possible outcome to a situation so that if I am put on the spot I can deal with it. I am only good at improvisation if I have planned it (I know).

I have been like this all my adult life.

So, when I am reading a book, or watching a film, my mind does what it always does. It analyzes everything and then gives me the likeliest options. I bet Bruce Willis is dead; I bet there's a way to turn the spaceship around and get Matt Damon; I bet they all die except her (any horror movie with teens in it). You don't need to analyze anything to figure out the last one of those.

So, when it comes to writing my own stories, I have to make the ending as unpredictable as possible but in a way that doesn't undermine the story. It must not feel like it was bolted on. So I tend to avoid twists at the end of the story. I put mine half way through. I am very aware that once a twist happens the rest of the story needs to maintain that level of interest. I have been told that mine do, which is good to hear.

I think being hypervigilant and over-analyzing everything is good for my writing. It's the reason why my wall is full of post-it notes. It's bad for the rest of my life, though, because it makes me depressed - hence the need for a therapist.

So, that's a little bit about my mental illness and how it affects my writing.
 
Welcome back to the Colony. Whereabouts in Wiltshire are you? I lived in that area for a few years, on the Hampshire side around Andover.

Your illness sounds like it informs your writing, while modifying how you work in intriguing ways. I'd be fascinated to know if your hypervigilance helps the accuracy of what you write, as I've just finished 20 days of editing my WIP, in which I removed 1,500 filler words from a total of 56,000. I'm mystified why I don't notice these repetitions and superfluous words as I type them, but realise that it's better to have something to modify than nothing at all.

My lack of awareness almost feels like the opposite of hypervigilance. Writing a story is like planting a field of wheat and watching it grow high. Editing is walking between the rows of your crop, looking for weeds one by one by one (ooh look, there's another one over there!), and when you finish you turn around and walk through the field the other way and find yet more....

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Hello :)

'So, when I am reading a book, or watching a film, my mind does what it always does. It analyzes everything and then gives me the likeliest options. I bet Bruce Willis is dead; I bet there's a way to turn the spaceship around and get Matt Damon; I bet they all die except her (any horror movie with teens in it). You don't need to analyze anything to figure out the last one of those.'

That is the mark of someone story literate, who creates as well as consumes stories. This thing can be made to work for you. I am sorry for your unease, in saying so honestly you generally don't like people. It almost seems as if there is a need for a certain tissue salt or something, kali phos, for instance, to help you rest your mind a little if you feel it going into overdrive. When you like people, they sense it, and they will generally like you, feeling themselves accepted, and then there is little need for vigilance, or even thinking about it. But nor can we make ourselves like people, if we just don't. :) The instant reaction is the truest reaction.

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Harper Lee Died on Friday

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Ysleliss reborn

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