D
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I have to admit that I dropped out of Litopia after the old site went offline and I have dragged my heels getting back into it (for no actual reason other than laziness). But here I am, returned and ready to get my teeth dirty, and my hands in.
My therapist told me that I am hypervigilant. It's usually something you get from PTSD but I don't have that. She was quick to point out that I am hypervigilant in a slightly different way. Rather than always looking over my shoulder out of fear, I do it to make people like me. You don't need to know about the sessions we spent discussing my childhood and failures as an adult to understand that I like to be liked.
"You will walk into a room and notice EVERYONE and then you will analyze them and work out what you need to be to make them like you. You're a chameleon."
When she put it that way it sounded a bit desperate and needy, which I don't think is me because I generally don't like people. But my therapist was right. I do do that. However, I would disagree that it is solely to make people like me. I do it to make my life easier. I don't like surprises. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I get nervous when put on the spot. My way of coping with this is to think of every possible outcome to a situation so that if I am put on the spot I can deal with it. I am only good at improvisation if I have planned it (I know).
I have been like this all my adult life.
So, when I am reading a book, or watching a film, my mind does what it always does. It analyzes everything and then gives me the likeliest options. I bet Bruce Willis is dead; I bet there's a way to turn the spaceship around and get Matt Damon; I bet they all die except her (any horror movie with teens in it). You don't need to analyze anything to figure out the last one of those.
So, when it comes to writing my own stories, I have to make the ending as unpredictable as possible but in a way that doesn't undermine the story. It must not feel like it was bolted on. So I tend to avoid twists at the end of the story. I put mine half way through. I am very aware that once a twist happens the rest of the story needs to maintain that level of interest. I have been told that mine do, which is good to hear.
I think being hypervigilant and over-analyzing everything is good for my writing. It's the reason why my wall is full of post-it notes. It's bad for the rest of my life, though, because it makes me depressed - hence the need for a therapist.
So, that's a little bit about my mental illness and how it affects my writing.
My therapist told me that I am hypervigilant. It's usually something you get from PTSD but I don't have that. She was quick to point out that I am hypervigilant in a slightly different way. Rather than always looking over my shoulder out of fear, I do it to make people like me. You don't need to know about the sessions we spent discussing my childhood and failures as an adult to understand that I like to be liked.
"You will walk into a room and notice EVERYONE and then you will analyze them and work out what you need to be to make them like you. You're a chameleon."
When she put it that way it sounded a bit desperate and needy, which I don't think is me because I generally don't like people. But my therapist was right. I do do that. However, I would disagree that it is solely to make people like me. I do it to make my life easier. I don't like surprises. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I get nervous when put on the spot. My way of coping with this is to think of every possible outcome to a situation so that if I am put on the spot I can deal with it. I am only good at improvisation if I have planned it (I know).
I have been like this all my adult life.
So, when I am reading a book, or watching a film, my mind does what it always does. It analyzes everything and then gives me the likeliest options. I bet Bruce Willis is dead; I bet there's a way to turn the spaceship around and get Matt Damon; I bet they all die except her (any horror movie with teens in it). You don't need to analyze anything to figure out the last one of those.
So, when it comes to writing my own stories, I have to make the ending as unpredictable as possible but in a way that doesn't undermine the story. It must not feel like it was bolted on. So I tend to avoid twists at the end of the story. I put mine half way through. I am very aware that once a twist happens the rest of the story needs to maintain that level of interest. I have been told that mine do, which is good to hear.
I think being hypervigilant and over-analyzing everything is good for my writing. It's the reason why my wall is full of post-it notes. It's bad for the rest of my life, though, because it makes me depressed - hence the need for a therapist.
So, that's a little bit about my mental illness and how it affects my writing.
