Authors: ED, GALADRIEL, RACHEL
Welcome to this month’s Craft Chat: POINT OF VIEW. As before, the discussion thread will be open for FIVE DAYS from when we post the Chat. Let us know your thoughts and experiences. If you disagree with anything, that’s fine. Tell us why. All opinions are welcome and valid additions to our learning. Keep it civil. Kay wouldn’t want to have to send the boys round.
Rachel, Galadriel, Andy, Ed, GB Hunt, Kay (Ancora Imparo)
POINT OF VIEW
POV refers to the perspective of who is telling the story. It's the person's head we're in when we're reading.
Carol Rose (previous Craft Chat)
Last month, Kay said there are no absolutes in writing, and this is true … except for the basic mechanics of point-of-view (POV). When we write a scene, we must pick a POV i.e. first person, second person, third person. Why? Because if you start a sentence in first person and finish the same sentence in third person, you’ll disorient the reader. You’ll jolt them out of your world and return them to this one, where distractions abound, and they could put your book down. We want to avoid that and keep readers immersed in your story.
For an entire scene, we should stay with the chosen POV until the next scene (unless we’ve chosen to write omniscient), but this is where “no absolutes” comes into play again because, as Brandon Sanderson showed us last month in The Final Empire, mixing POVs is possible, but you need to understand them before you play with them.
The reader will interpret your POV by your choice of words:
* if you choose first person, characters will refer to themselves as “I” or “we”
* if you choose second person, characters address the reader as “you”
* if you choose third person, characters are referred to as “he/she/they”
Here’s an overview of the most important POV types and where they fall on the spectrum:
Gerth, Sandra. Point of View: How to use the different POV types, avoid head-hopping, and choose the best point of view for your book (Writers’ Guide Series) (p. 94). Ylva Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Rachel
FIRST PERSON
For anyone who thinks 1st person is easier to write than 3rd person, think again. 1st person is told from the perspective of one character and includes their personality, thoughts, feelings and worldview. Hence, you are limited to that one character, you can’t pop into the barber’s head to explain why he murdered his competitor. You can only look through your character’s eyes and use their language and opinions to show/tell what is happening in the story.
If the story is told in past tense, the character is looking back on his or her life, which means they survived the tale to tell it. This can kill tension, especially if the stakes are life and death. The savvy reader knows the character survived.
If the story is told in present tense, this can add urgency and immediacy at the cost of using a POV adult readers don’t like. We don’t know what happens to the protag until the end of the story aka The Hunger Games.
Because a story is told through your character’s eyes, you may have read that 1st person is the most intimate of the POVs or has more voice. I know I have, by sources I’ve grown to trust. Is that true though? Is Andy Weir’s Mark Whitney (“I’m pretty much fucked. That’s my considered opinion. Fucked.”) more alive to your mind, or voicier, than Charles Dickens’ Scrooge (“Bah!’ said Scrooge, ‘Humbug!”), just because Scrooge is written in omniscient?
Sure, the “said” is distancing (if a reader even notices it), but Weir does use it (barely).
Do we agree that voice and POV go together? Well, with skill they do, if we stay true to the POV. But just choosing a POV, like 1st person, and writing for writing’s sake doesn’t automatically give you voice. Good writing has voice. And that takes time to develop, requiring intentional study. Voice is done with intention. It has rhythm. It has word choices that only you can make. It is you.
Are the word choices of Huck Finn different to Stevens (Remains of the Day) or Jim Butcher’s Stormfront or Naomi Novik’s Spinning Silver (2018)? Can you pick out the differences in these four passages? Why couldn’t you mistake one for the other?
EXAMPLES
1
wain, Mark. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Illustrated Edition). Musaicum Books. Kindle Edition:
Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we could see him pretty clear, because there was a light behind him. He got up and stretched his neck out about a minute, listening.
Then he says: “Who dah?”
He listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and stood right between us; we could a touched him, nearly. Well, likely it was minutes and minutes that there warn’t a sound, and we all there so close together. There was a place on my ankle that got to itching, but I dasn’t scratch it; and then my ear begun to itch; and next my back, right between my shoulders. Seemed like I’d die if I couldn’t scratch.
2
Ishiguro, Kazuo; Ishiguro, Kazuo. The Remains of the Day (FF Classics) (p. 29). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition:
The whole question is very akin to the question that has caused much debate in our profession over the years: what is a ‘great’ butler? I can recall many hours of enjoyable discussion on this topic around the fire of the servants’ hall at the end of a day. You will notice I say ‘what’ rather than ‘who’ is a great butler; for there was actually no serious dispute as to the identity of the men who set the standards amongst our generation. That is to say, I am talking of the likes of Mr Marshall of Charleville House, or Mr Lane of Bridewood. If you have ever had the privilege of meeting such men, you will no doubt know of the quality they possess to which I refer. But you will no doubt also understand what I mean when I say it is not at all easy to define just what this quality is.
3
Novik, Naomi. Spinning Silver (pp. 189-190). Pan Macmillan UK. Kindle Edition:
“When it snows in your kingdom—does it also snow in mine?”
“Your kingdom?” he said, glancing down at me, with faint contempt for such a conceit. “You mortals would like to make it so, you who build your fires and your walls to shut me out, and forget winter as soon as it is gone. But still it is my kingdom.”
“Well,” I said, “then it’s mine, now, too,” and had the satisfaction of seeing him frown with displeasure at the gruesome reminder that he’d married me.
4
Butcher, Jim. Storm Front: 1 (The Dresden Files series) (p. 1). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition:
I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. He didn’t sound right. His footsteps fell more heavily, jauntily, and he whistled. A new guy. He whistled his way to my office door, then fell silent for a moment. Then he laughed.
Then he knocked.
I winced.
So, you decide if POV and voice go together and how. I’m not here to tell you what to think though. Writing is about you. There’s no right or wrong. What matters is choosing the right POV to inform your story.
Here are some reasons why you might choose 1st person POV:
1 If you write YA and want readers close to your character (although 3rd person limited is as popular in YA);
2 If your story is set on a small stage – larger productions like A Song of Ice and Fire need third person.
3 If your character drives the story.
Some things to beware:
1 Your protagonist can sound whiney.
2 Your story is limited to your protagonist’s perspective.
3 You need an engaging character.
4 Take care not to spend too much time in your character’s head. Keep the action going.
Rachel
SECOND PERSON
Second person is not popular. Make sure it suits your story, and you know why you’re using it, before you choose it. If you know why you’re using it, it’s more likely a reader will see why you’ve chosen second person, and they’re more likely to follow your story.
You, the reader, are an active participant of the story. Unfortunately, readers may still feel it gimmicky and showing off. Still, if your skin is thick enough for this attitude, go for it!
Examples of second person that worked for me
1
Jemisin, N. K. The Fifth Season: The Broken Earth, Book 1, Winner of the Hugo Award 2016 (p. 15). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition:
YOU ARE SHE. SHE IS you. You are Essun. Remember? The woman whose son is dead.
You’re an orogene who’s been living in the little nothing town of Tirimo for ten years. Only three people here know what you are, and two of them you gave birth to.
Well. One left who knows, now.
2
Morgenstern, Erin. The Night Circus (pp. 3-4). Random House. Kindle Edition.
“What kind of circus is only open at night?” people ask. No one has a proper answer, yet as dusk approaches there is a substantial crowd of spectators gathering outside the gates.
You are amongst them, of course. Your curiosity got the better of you, as curiosity is wont to do. You stand in the fading light, the scarf around your neck pulled up against the chilly evening breeze, waiting to see for yourself exactly what kind of circus only opens once the sun sets.
Second person, if handled well, can draw you into the story. If not, it kicks you out of the story (which could honestly be said of every POV).
Rachel
THIRD PERSON
First off, to write in third person is to use pronouns: he, she, it, they, etc.
For the writer, to use third person gives them a repertoire of choices. Unlike 1st person and 2nd person narratives, using 3rd person gives the writer greater freedom. As an external narrator, they can provide extra details in scene-setting their story world, gifting the reader with an overview; filling out and shaping time and place that the story is occurring in, making it more visual. There can be objective details not mediated through the eyes of a character. Of course, once inside a character’s head, the writer can show attitude and reactions to the story world in terms of weather, landscape, etc.
The writer can also follow one or several characters. Using 3rd person limited allows them to be inside the main protagonist’s head. The writer sees through the MP’s eyes; knows their thoughts and emotions; knows what actions they will make. The writer doesn’t reveal what other characters are thinking, meaning neither MP nor the reader sees beyond what the MP experiences.
Example: Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis (see under).
Or, the writer can select 3rd person omniscient, which allows the writer to follow and enter the heads of several characters. The benefits for the writer of choosing omniscient are control. Control of complicated narratives that can involve lots of characters over varied timelines/ places (think epic fantasy or historical dramas). The writer can have one character misread another or be misled because it’s only the writer who can head hop, not the characters themselves. For instance, a character might take another at face value and be unaware that a seemingly kind character is plotting their downfall.
For the reader, being privy to several characters’ thoughts/ feelings/ actions before other characters know can create an enjoyable tension as they wait to see how the characters will act and react to situations.
The writer can delineate the main protagonist from supporting characters by spending more time in the MP’s head. Or perhaps choose to spend an equal amount of time in the antagonist’s head to balance it out. Again, tension is aroused in the reader who sees some of the road ahead because they may know what the villain is planning.
So this brings it back to the writer choosing what and how much to hide or reveal to characters and the reader. Writing in 3rd person also allows a writer to add context that helps the reader understand a situation or the background of a character. It can be given over in a dream recount; backstory; memories – anything to engage the reader to feel closer to the story and characters (of course avoiding info dumps and heavy exposition).
Finally, the writer can choose 3rd person subjective, whereby the thoughts and feelings of characters are made known OR 3rd person objective: no internal thoughts and feelings about a character are revealed. Instead, it is only outwardly visible dialogue and actions that are shown; the reader infers the rest.
Example of 3rd person subjective
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. Translated by David Wyllie
One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him waved about helplessly as he looked.
“What’s happened to me?” he thought. It wasn’t a dream. His room, a proper human room although a little too small, lay peacefully between its four familiar walls. A collection of textile samples lay spread out on the table—Samsa was a travelling salesman—and above it there hung a picture that he had recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and housed in a nice, gilded frame. It showed a lady fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa who sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer.
The use of the proper noun (Gregor Samsa) and pronoun use (he & his) denote 3rd person narrator. Kafka has situated the narrator outside of the story (the narrator is not a character here) and he is using 3rd person limited, which means he follows Samsa, but also gets inside his head so that the reader is privy to Samsa’s thoughts.
Example of 3rd Person Subjective
Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway
The hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white. On this side there was no shade and no trees and the station was between two lines of rails in the sun. Close against the side of the station was the warm shadow of the building and a curtain, made of strings of bamboo beads, hung across the open door into the bar, to keep out flies. The American and the girl with him sat at a table in the shade, outside the building. It was very hot and the express from Barcelona would come in forty minutes. It stopped at this junction for two minutes and went to Madrid.
‘What should we drink?’ the girl asked. She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.
‘It’s pretty hot,’ the man said.
‘Let’s drink beer.’
‘Dos cervezas,’ the man said into the curtain.’
‘Big ones?’ a woman asked from the doorway.
‘Yes. Two big ones.’
The woman brought two glasses of beer and two felt pads. She put the felt pads and the beer glass on the table and looked at the man and the girl. The girl was looking off at the line of hills. They were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry.
‘They look like white elephants,’ she said.
‘I’ve never seen one,’ the man drank his beer.
‘No, you wouldn’t have.’
‘I might have,’ the man said. ‘Just because you say I wouldn’t have doesn’t prove anything.’
The girl looked at the bead curtain. ‘They’ve painted something on it,’ she said. ‘What does it say?’
‘Anis del Toro. It’s a drink.’
‘Could we try it?’
The use of nouns and pronouns (the American, the girl, him, his, she, her) denotes 3rd person narrator. But Hemingway has chosen objective use. He does not go inside any of the characters’ heads. He gives nothing directly to the reader, but rather reports what is visible. Description, action, and dialogue are made visible; it is up to the reader to draw conclusions about how the characters are feeling and what they might be thinking through how they talk, what they say, and how they look.
Galadriel
Third Person Limited – common challenges
Filtering
In third person limited we are in the head of the protagonist. Everything that is being described is what they sense. So there is no need to say “she noticed the window was open.” If you say “the window is open,” it is because the protagonist noticed it. Feelings are harder, but “he felt a sensation of pure fear in his stomach” (real example) is both filtered and telling, where “his stomach cramped, and acid caught in the back of his throat,” is more visceral and real, and how do we know? We know because the protagonist experienced the sensation/taste, but we don’t need the words experience/feel/sense/notice.
Issues with Filtering
Sometimes readers are lazy and don’t think very hard about what they are reading. It is possible to be “too good” at this, so that you get the feedback “I wanted to hear more about his emotions, or feelings, or development” when in fact the author has been providing lots of that, but with the filtering of “Peter suddenly realized” or “it seemed to him” or “She felt.. ,” avoided. Consider, especially for genre fiction, whether some judicious filters might be useful, or a few longer contemplative sections to give a chance to let the reader wallow in the mind of the protagonist.
PoV Precision
In 3rd person limited it is important to consider that the reader is in the head of, and the eyes of the protagonist. That means that only things the protagonist can see should be described. That can be quite limiting, but at the same time can force the writer to live in the scene. It is inevitable that this gets broken at times, for example if the protagonist is knocked out by something unseen. In such a case
Simnett stood his ground. Which of the two men would move next? The short man with the long knife, or the boxer with his knuckle duster? He never found out; something smashed him in the back of the head, and he pitched forward onto the rough wooden floor, the world going black around him.
Breaks this at the end, but consider the point of view shift in something like:
… Unseen to him a third man approached from behind, raised a blackjack and smashed down.
Who is seeing the man? When did we shift? Both can work, but in the second case we move far from the protagonist very quickly. If this is going to work, it’s important that the author not head hop. Moving from third limited to third observational can work, but it is likely that this
… Unseen to him a third man approached from behind. The man paused to look at Simnett’s skull, remembered he was supposed to wound not kill, so raised his blackjack to three quarters height and smashed down.
Is going to pull the reader too far into the other head.
Knowledge
Another favorite editor gotcha is knowing something too soon. If, for example, the reader knows the name of the victim of an accident, then it is sometimes tempting to name them, even just as shorthand, although that pulls us out of the head we are in. The reader discovers things with the protagonist. Of course, if you are working with multiple POVs (say in alternating chapters) then the reader might know more than the protagonist at that point. This is a great chance to show some tension chops, as the reader is dragged helplessly along with the protagonist, with them knowing that she is walking into a trap.
Ed Simnett
SOME USEFUL (AND VETTED) LINKS
First person:
The 3 Most Common Problems with First Person POV and How to Fix Them
3rd Person:
Third Person, Present Tense Is My Space Jam – Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
First person:
Second person:
At 33.27, Diane explains 5 different ways an author can use second person and then shows their effects.
3rd person:
Third person narrative - YouTube Black Cockie Press
FOR THOSE WHO WANT MORE
Carol Rose wrote about Point of View for Litopia’s old Craft Chat some years ago. Here it is copied under, with thanks to Carol:
Point of view (POV) is not the same as voice, although you may see it referred to as voice. But for our purposes, voice refers to that distinct quality and syntax of writing that is unique to each author. There's a Writing Wiki post that further explains this HERE.
We also sometimes see voice used to describe grammar, as in passive voice or active voice. Again, for our purposes, when we talk about passive versus active verbs in writing, we will refer to them as verb tenses, not voice.
POV refers to the perspective of who is telling the story. It's the person's head we're in when we're reading.
Again, the POV terms are sometimes used differently, but for our purposes I'm going to label them one way and give definitions, just to keep things clear for us. I'm also going to use the same scene for each POV example to illustrate the differences when reading it. This scene is from the first chapter of His Majesty's Secret, a book published under my Carolyn Rosewood pen name by Siren-BookStrand. It's written in third person POV, alternating between the heroine's and hero's POV.
Keep in mind as you read the scene transcribed into each POV, that the original opening scene was written in the heroine's POV. Ravenna is fleeing her homeland into another kingdom. One which is not an ally of the kingdom where she was born. She's close to the castle and has been spotted in the woods by a couple of Castle Guards. In Ravenna's world, women have no rights and it's definitely not safe for them to travel alone, especially in a hostile kingdom.
OMNISCIENT POV. This is a story told from a narrator's POV, but the narrator is not a character in that story. Rather, they are an unseen, all-knowing story teller looking down on the action. They can see everything that each character is doing, and are able to tell the reader each character's thoughts. Sometimes writers will take the approach of limiting the omniscient POV to only a few characters, per chapter or per scene.
The downside to using this POV is that it creates distance between the reader and the characters, because we are never squarely in one person's head during any part of the story. Using a limited omniscient POV can soften this a bit, but because the story teller is still a narrator as opposed to a character, readers can often have a difficult time getting a sense of being there with that character as the story unfolds.
This POV is usually written in past tense, and this refers to the verb tenses used. It could probably be written in present tense if the author wanted to experiment and see how it came out, but I'm not going to try it here.
Remember: the scene we're going to use for each example was originally written in third person, past tense, and this particular scene was told from Ravenna's POV. When I illustrate the differences between writing in past or present tense for each POV (where we're doing that) I'll change the scene to reflect that:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?” asked the first one.
Ravenna glanced around for a higher branch. Her skirt caught on a twig as she pulled herself to a higher position. When she tried to disengage the fabric her pack slipped. She caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted her first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at her, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Ravenna wore a dress. How could they mistake her for a boy?
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Then the other one realized how she was dressed. “Tis a lass,” he said softly.
This scene, written in omniscient POV, is very dry. We don't have anything in the way of motivation, feelings, or internal thoughts of the heroine. It's very matter of fact.
Now, that isn't to say the author can't add other elements in there, but then the line between omniscient POV and third person POV would become thin. Writers often don't understand this and try to write in third person POV, but it comes out as this example instead. When we get to the third person POV example, you'll see how the emotion and internal struggles have been added in to give this scene depth and character substance.
You probably also noted the head-hopping. Head-hopping is when we're not squarely in one character's head for the entire scene or chapter, but rather the writer hops back and forth between POVs. When this is done with great skill (and I'm talking only a few writers can truly pull this off), it does work, but when it's done poorly, it confusing for the reader. Remember, we're trying to ground our readers in the Who, What, When, Where, and Why. If we're hopping back and forth between POVs and characters' heads, that grounding is more difficult to accomplish.
SECOND PERSON POV used to rarely be seen, but it's becoming more popular, especially in certain genres. In this instance, YOU is the character. This solves the issue of distance, but can be awkward to read and difficult to write. Because I chose the YOU in this scene to be one of the guards, we have nothing of Ravenna's thoughts, feelings, or actions until both Guards spot her.
Here's the scene in second person, past tense POV:
Your companion explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” he said. “Someone was here.”
You bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
You heard a noise and both you and your companion whirled around and sprinted toward the tree from which the noise had come. Your companion fixed his gaze straight ahead while you glanced upward, spotting a lad hiding in the tree. “Come down from there, lad.”
He didn't respond. “I said come down from there," you repeated. "Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Your companion grinned, and it was then you realized the lad wasn't a lad at all. Not unless lads had suddenly started wearing dresses.
“Tis a lass,” your companion said softly.
A bit more interesting than reading the omniscient POV, but like first person POV, we only have one person's POV. It's also more difficult to write, but I suspect that's because we're not used to writing that way. I thought about writing this from Ravenna's POV for illustration, instead of one of the Guards, but she'd be watching them as an observer and I didn't think it would be as interesting.
To re-write this in second person, present tense, we need only change the verb tenses:
Your companion explores the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” he says. “Someone was here.”
You bend down and examine the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
You hear a noise and both you and your companion whirl around and sprint toward the tree from which the noise came. Your companion fixes his gaze straight ahead while you glance upward, spotting a lad hiding in the tree. “Come down from there, lad.”
He doesn't respond. “I said come down from there," you repeat. "Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Your companion grins, and it's then you realize the lad isn't a lad at all. Not unless lads have suddenly started wearing dresses.
“Tis a lass,” your companion says softly.
FIRST PERSON POV is popular in fiction. The character is one person in the story. Sometimes, a writer will switch POVs and tell the story in first person from more than one main character, but this can become confusing to readers if the writer is not careful. While this does solve the problem of distance, and provides immediacy and intimacy to the writing, it's limiting in that the writer must be skilled to provide a reader with the other characters' thoughts and feelings when using only one person's POV for the entire story.
This is the same scene written in first person, past tense POV:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and I'd suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing myself for not being more diligent, I glanced around for a higher branch. Perhaps if I moved slowly they wouldn’t hear my ascent.
My skirt caught on a twig as I pulled myself to a higher position. When I tried to disengage the fabric my pack slipped. I caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted me first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at me, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he couldn’t see I wore a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
My stomach contracted in pain as he tilted his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently I wouldn’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal my gender.
“Tis a lass,” he said softly.
As you'll see when we get to third person, the only thing that changes from that POV is the pronouns. You, as a reader, will have to decide if this gives you a more immediate feel as you read it, as opposed to reading the same scene in first person. In both, you're squarely in Ravenna's head, seeing what she's seeing, hearing what she's hearing, and feeling what she's feeling.
Here is the same scene in first person, present tense. Again, all we change are the verb tenses:
The Guards explore the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” says the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bends down and examines the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and I have suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing myself for not being more diligent, I glance around for a higher branch. Perhaps if I move slowly they won’t hear my ascent.
My skirt catches on a twig as I pull myself to a higher position. When I try to disengage the fabric my pack slips. I catch it before it falls from the tree, but both Guards whirl around at the noise.
They sprint toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glances upward. He spots me first and motions for his companion. Both men stare at me, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he can't see I'm wearing a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
My stomach contracts in pain as he tilts his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently I won’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal my gender.
“Tis a lass,” he says softly.
Personally, I like present tense better when writing in first person POV, because I feel the immediacy more. I'm right there as it's happening. But some readers really dislike reading this particular POV. This is all very subjective, so you may have to play around with POVs to get the one you as the writer feel is best for your story.
THIRD PERSON POV is also popular in fiction. It's told from the POV of more than one character at a time. This is where you will find pronouns used - she, he, hers, his - in place of "I" statements or "you". When written correctly, sometimes called deep thirdor close third, it can achieve the same immediacy and intimacy as first person. This is usually told in past tense, as opposed to present tense. The advantage is that the writer can tell the story from more than two POVs if needed, and still achieve the same effects as if writing it in first person POV, but without the confusion that sometimes occurs using first person POV for more than one character in a story.
We're only going to see this scene in third person, past tense POV. And this is how it's actually written in the published book:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and she’d suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing herself for not being more diligent, she glanced around for a higher branch. Perhaps if she moved slowly they wouldn’t hear her ascent.
Her skirt caught on a twig as she pulled herself to a higher position. When she tried to disengage the fabric her pack slipped. She caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted her first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at her, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he couldn’t see she wore a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Ravenna’s stomach contracted in pain as he tilted his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently she wouldn’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal her gender.
“Tis a lass,” he said softly.
Not much different than the first person, past tense POV. As I said, you as a reader have to decide which POV you like reading and writing better.
I know readers who refuse to read a book written in a particular POV. There's no way to anticipate this, just as there's no way to please every single potential reader out there. I'd suggest getting a feel for what's currently selling in your chosen genre. Take a look at what others are publishing, and which POVs seem most popular. Then play around. Experiment with scenes, just as we did here.
Carol Rose
OVER TO YOU. If you have any useful comments or links on POINT OF VIEW that you would like to share, please add them to the Comments over the next five days. After that, this thread will be locked.
Welcome to this month’s Craft Chat: POINT OF VIEW. As before, the discussion thread will be open for FIVE DAYS from when we post the Chat. Let us know your thoughts and experiences. If you disagree with anything, that’s fine. Tell us why. All opinions are welcome and valid additions to our learning. Keep it civil. Kay wouldn’t want to have to send the boys round.
Rachel, Galadriel, Andy, Ed, GB Hunt, Kay (Ancora Imparo)
POINT OF VIEW
POV refers to the perspective of who is telling the story. It's the person's head we're in when we're reading.
Carol Rose (previous Craft Chat)
Last month, Kay said there are no absolutes in writing, and this is true … except for the basic mechanics of point-of-view (POV). When we write a scene, we must pick a POV i.e. first person, second person, third person. Why? Because if you start a sentence in first person and finish the same sentence in third person, you’ll disorient the reader. You’ll jolt them out of your world and return them to this one, where distractions abound, and they could put your book down. We want to avoid that and keep readers immersed in your story.
For an entire scene, we should stay with the chosen POV until the next scene (unless we’ve chosen to write omniscient), but this is where “no absolutes” comes into play again because, as Brandon Sanderson showed us last month in The Final Empire, mixing POVs is possible, but you need to understand them before you play with them.
The reader will interpret your POV by your choice of words:
* if you choose first person, characters will refer to themselves as “I” or “we”
* if you choose second person, characters address the reader as “you”
* if you choose third person, characters are referred to as “he/she/they”
Here’s an overview of the most important POV types and where they fall on the spectrum:
| Less | INTIMACY | more | ||
| More | KNOWLEDGE | less | ||
| Omniscient | 3rd person, multiple viewpoints | 3rd person, 1 viewpoint | Deep 3rd person | 1st person |
Rachel
FIRST PERSON
For anyone who thinks 1st person is easier to write than 3rd person, think again. 1st person is told from the perspective of one character and includes their personality, thoughts, feelings and worldview. Hence, you are limited to that one character, you can’t pop into the barber’s head to explain why he murdered his competitor. You can only look through your character’s eyes and use their language and opinions to show/tell what is happening in the story.
If the story is told in past tense, the character is looking back on his or her life, which means they survived the tale to tell it. This can kill tension, especially if the stakes are life and death. The savvy reader knows the character survived.
If the story is told in present tense, this can add urgency and immediacy at the cost of using a POV adult readers don’t like. We don’t know what happens to the protag until the end of the story aka The Hunger Games.
Because a story is told through your character’s eyes, you may have read that 1st person is the most intimate of the POVs or has more voice. I know I have, by sources I’ve grown to trust. Is that true though? Is Andy Weir’s Mark Whitney (“I’m pretty much fucked. That’s my considered opinion. Fucked.”) more alive to your mind, or voicier, than Charles Dickens’ Scrooge (“Bah!’ said Scrooge, ‘Humbug!”), just because Scrooge is written in omniscient?
Sure, the “said” is distancing (if a reader even notices it), but Weir does use it (barely).
Do we agree that voice and POV go together? Well, with skill they do, if we stay true to the POV. But just choosing a POV, like 1st person, and writing for writing’s sake doesn’t automatically give you voice. Good writing has voice. And that takes time to develop, requiring intentional study. Voice is done with intention. It has rhythm. It has word choices that only you can make. It is you.
Are the word choices of Huck Finn different to Stevens (Remains of the Day) or Jim Butcher’s Stormfront or Naomi Novik’s Spinning Silver (2018)? Can you pick out the differences in these four passages? Why couldn’t you mistake one for the other?
EXAMPLES
1
wain, Mark. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Illustrated Edition). Musaicum Books. Kindle Edition:
Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we could see him pretty clear, because there was a light behind him. He got up and stretched his neck out about a minute, listening.
Then he says: “Who dah?”
He listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and stood right between us; we could a touched him, nearly. Well, likely it was minutes and minutes that there warn’t a sound, and we all there so close together. There was a place on my ankle that got to itching, but I dasn’t scratch it; and then my ear begun to itch; and next my back, right between my shoulders. Seemed like I’d die if I couldn’t scratch.
2
Ishiguro, Kazuo; Ishiguro, Kazuo. The Remains of the Day (FF Classics) (p. 29). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition:
The whole question is very akin to the question that has caused much debate in our profession over the years: what is a ‘great’ butler? I can recall many hours of enjoyable discussion on this topic around the fire of the servants’ hall at the end of a day. You will notice I say ‘what’ rather than ‘who’ is a great butler; for there was actually no serious dispute as to the identity of the men who set the standards amongst our generation. That is to say, I am talking of the likes of Mr Marshall of Charleville House, or Mr Lane of Bridewood. If you have ever had the privilege of meeting such men, you will no doubt know of the quality they possess to which I refer. But you will no doubt also understand what I mean when I say it is not at all easy to define just what this quality is.
3
Novik, Naomi. Spinning Silver (pp. 189-190). Pan Macmillan UK. Kindle Edition:
“When it snows in your kingdom—does it also snow in mine?”
“Your kingdom?” he said, glancing down at me, with faint contempt for such a conceit. “You mortals would like to make it so, you who build your fires and your walls to shut me out, and forget winter as soon as it is gone. But still it is my kingdom.”
“Well,” I said, “then it’s mine, now, too,” and had the satisfaction of seeing him frown with displeasure at the gruesome reminder that he’d married me.
4
Butcher, Jim. Storm Front: 1 (The Dresden Files series) (p. 1). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition:
I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. He didn’t sound right. His footsteps fell more heavily, jauntily, and he whistled. A new guy. He whistled his way to my office door, then fell silent for a moment. Then he laughed.
Then he knocked.
I winced.
So, you decide if POV and voice go together and how. I’m not here to tell you what to think though. Writing is about you. There’s no right or wrong. What matters is choosing the right POV to inform your story.
Here are some reasons why you might choose 1st person POV:
1 If you write YA and want readers close to your character (although 3rd person limited is as popular in YA);
2 If your story is set on a small stage – larger productions like A Song of Ice and Fire need third person.
3 If your character drives the story.
Some things to beware:
1 Your protagonist can sound whiney.
2 Your story is limited to your protagonist’s perspective.
3 You need an engaging character.
4 Take care not to spend too much time in your character’s head. Keep the action going.
Rachel
SECOND PERSON
Second person is not popular. Make sure it suits your story, and you know why you’re using it, before you choose it. If you know why you’re using it, it’s more likely a reader will see why you’ve chosen second person, and they’re more likely to follow your story.
You, the reader, are an active participant of the story. Unfortunately, readers may still feel it gimmicky and showing off. Still, if your skin is thick enough for this attitude, go for it!
Examples of second person that worked for me
1
Jemisin, N. K. The Fifth Season: The Broken Earth, Book 1, Winner of the Hugo Award 2016 (p. 15). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition:
YOU ARE SHE. SHE IS you. You are Essun. Remember? The woman whose son is dead.
You’re an orogene who’s been living in the little nothing town of Tirimo for ten years. Only three people here know what you are, and two of them you gave birth to.
Well. One left who knows, now.
2
Morgenstern, Erin. The Night Circus (pp. 3-4). Random House. Kindle Edition.
“What kind of circus is only open at night?” people ask. No one has a proper answer, yet as dusk approaches there is a substantial crowd of spectators gathering outside the gates.
You are amongst them, of course. Your curiosity got the better of you, as curiosity is wont to do. You stand in the fading light, the scarf around your neck pulled up against the chilly evening breeze, waiting to see for yourself exactly what kind of circus only opens once the sun sets.
Second person, if handled well, can draw you into the story. If not, it kicks you out of the story (which could honestly be said of every POV).
Rachel
THIRD PERSON
First off, to write in third person is to use pronouns: he, she, it, they, etc.
For the writer, to use third person gives them a repertoire of choices. Unlike 1st person and 2nd person narratives, using 3rd person gives the writer greater freedom. As an external narrator, they can provide extra details in scene-setting their story world, gifting the reader with an overview; filling out and shaping time and place that the story is occurring in, making it more visual. There can be objective details not mediated through the eyes of a character. Of course, once inside a character’s head, the writer can show attitude and reactions to the story world in terms of weather, landscape, etc.
The writer can also follow one or several characters. Using 3rd person limited allows them to be inside the main protagonist’s head. The writer sees through the MP’s eyes; knows their thoughts and emotions; knows what actions they will make. The writer doesn’t reveal what other characters are thinking, meaning neither MP nor the reader sees beyond what the MP experiences.
Example: Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis (see under).
Or, the writer can select 3rd person omniscient, which allows the writer to follow and enter the heads of several characters. The benefits for the writer of choosing omniscient are control. Control of complicated narratives that can involve lots of characters over varied timelines/ places (think epic fantasy or historical dramas). The writer can have one character misread another or be misled because it’s only the writer who can head hop, not the characters themselves. For instance, a character might take another at face value and be unaware that a seemingly kind character is plotting their downfall.
For the reader, being privy to several characters’ thoughts/ feelings/ actions before other characters know can create an enjoyable tension as they wait to see how the characters will act and react to situations.
The writer can delineate the main protagonist from supporting characters by spending more time in the MP’s head. Or perhaps choose to spend an equal amount of time in the antagonist’s head to balance it out. Again, tension is aroused in the reader who sees some of the road ahead because they may know what the villain is planning.
So this brings it back to the writer choosing what and how much to hide or reveal to characters and the reader. Writing in 3rd person also allows a writer to add context that helps the reader understand a situation or the background of a character. It can be given over in a dream recount; backstory; memories – anything to engage the reader to feel closer to the story and characters (of course avoiding info dumps and heavy exposition).
Finally, the writer can choose 3rd person subjective, whereby the thoughts and feelings of characters are made known OR 3rd person objective: no internal thoughts and feelings about a character are revealed. Instead, it is only outwardly visible dialogue and actions that are shown; the reader infers the rest.
Example of 3rd person subjective
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. Translated by David Wyllie
One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him waved about helplessly as he looked.
“What’s happened to me?” he thought. It wasn’t a dream. His room, a proper human room although a little too small, lay peacefully between its four familiar walls. A collection of textile samples lay spread out on the table—Samsa was a travelling salesman—and above it there hung a picture that he had recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and housed in a nice, gilded frame. It showed a lady fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa who sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer.
The use of the proper noun (Gregor Samsa) and pronoun use (he & his) denote 3rd person narrator. Kafka has situated the narrator outside of the story (the narrator is not a character here) and he is using 3rd person limited, which means he follows Samsa, but also gets inside his head so that the reader is privy to Samsa’s thoughts.
Example of 3rd Person Subjective
Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway
The hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white. On this side there was no shade and no trees and the station was between two lines of rails in the sun. Close against the side of the station was the warm shadow of the building and a curtain, made of strings of bamboo beads, hung across the open door into the bar, to keep out flies. The American and the girl with him sat at a table in the shade, outside the building. It was very hot and the express from Barcelona would come in forty minutes. It stopped at this junction for two minutes and went to Madrid.
‘What should we drink?’ the girl asked. She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.
‘It’s pretty hot,’ the man said.
‘Let’s drink beer.’
‘Dos cervezas,’ the man said into the curtain.’
‘Big ones?’ a woman asked from the doorway.
‘Yes. Two big ones.’
The woman brought two glasses of beer and two felt pads. She put the felt pads and the beer glass on the table and looked at the man and the girl. The girl was looking off at the line of hills. They were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry.
‘They look like white elephants,’ she said.
‘I’ve never seen one,’ the man drank his beer.
‘No, you wouldn’t have.’
‘I might have,’ the man said. ‘Just because you say I wouldn’t have doesn’t prove anything.’
The girl looked at the bead curtain. ‘They’ve painted something on it,’ she said. ‘What does it say?’
‘Anis del Toro. It’s a drink.’
‘Could we try it?’
The use of nouns and pronouns (the American, the girl, him, his, she, her) denotes 3rd person narrator. But Hemingway has chosen objective use. He does not go inside any of the characters’ heads. He gives nothing directly to the reader, but rather reports what is visible. Description, action, and dialogue are made visible; it is up to the reader to draw conclusions about how the characters are feeling and what they might be thinking through how they talk, what they say, and how they look.
Galadriel
Third Person Limited – common challenges
Filtering
In third person limited we are in the head of the protagonist. Everything that is being described is what they sense. So there is no need to say “she noticed the window was open.” If you say “the window is open,” it is because the protagonist noticed it. Feelings are harder, but “he felt a sensation of pure fear in his stomach” (real example) is both filtered and telling, where “his stomach cramped, and acid caught in the back of his throat,” is more visceral and real, and how do we know? We know because the protagonist experienced the sensation/taste, but we don’t need the words experience/feel/sense/notice.
Issues with Filtering
Sometimes readers are lazy and don’t think very hard about what they are reading. It is possible to be “too good” at this, so that you get the feedback “I wanted to hear more about his emotions, or feelings, or development” when in fact the author has been providing lots of that, but with the filtering of “Peter suddenly realized” or “it seemed to him” or “She felt.. ,” avoided. Consider, especially for genre fiction, whether some judicious filters might be useful, or a few longer contemplative sections to give a chance to let the reader wallow in the mind of the protagonist.
PoV Precision
In 3rd person limited it is important to consider that the reader is in the head of, and the eyes of the protagonist. That means that only things the protagonist can see should be described. That can be quite limiting, but at the same time can force the writer to live in the scene. It is inevitable that this gets broken at times, for example if the protagonist is knocked out by something unseen. In such a case
Simnett stood his ground. Which of the two men would move next? The short man with the long knife, or the boxer with his knuckle duster? He never found out; something smashed him in the back of the head, and he pitched forward onto the rough wooden floor, the world going black around him.
Breaks this at the end, but consider the point of view shift in something like:
… Unseen to him a third man approached from behind, raised a blackjack and smashed down.
Who is seeing the man? When did we shift? Both can work, but in the second case we move far from the protagonist very quickly. If this is going to work, it’s important that the author not head hop. Moving from third limited to third observational can work, but it is likely that this
… Unseen to him a third man approached from behind. The man paused to look at Simnett’s skull, remembered he was supposed to wound not kill, so raised his blackjack to three quarters height and smashed down.
Is going to pull the reader too far into the other head.
Knowledge
Another favorite editor gotcha is knowing something too soon. If, for example, the reader knows the name of the victim of an accident, then it is sometimes tempting to name them, even just as shorthand, although that pulls us out of the head we are in. The reader discovers things with the protagonist. Of course, if you are working with multiple POVs (say in alternating chapters) then the reader might know more than the protagonist at that point. This is a great chance to show some tension chops, as the reader is dragged helplessly along with the protagonist, with them knowing that she is walking into a trap.
Ed Simnett
SOME USEFUL (AND VETTED) LINKS
First person:
The 3 Most Common Problems with First Person POV and How to Fix Them
3rd Person:
Third Person, Present Tense Is My Space Jam – Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
First person:
Second person:
At 33.27, Diane explains 5 different ways an author can use second person and then shows their effects.
3rd person:
Third person narrative - YouTube Black Cockie Press
FOR THOSE WHO WANT MORE
Carol Rose wrote about Point of View for Litopia’s old Craft Chat some years ago. Here it is copied under, with thanks to Carol:
Point of view (POV) is not the same as voice, although you may see it referred to as voice. But for our purposes, voice refers to that distinct quality and syntax of writing that is unique to each author. There's a Writing Wiki post that further explains this HERE.
We also sometimes see voice used to describe grammar, as in passive voice or active voice. Again, for our purposes, when we talk about passive versus active verbs in writing, we will refer to them as verb tenses, not voice.
POV refers to the perspective of who is telling the story. It's the person's head we're in when we're reading.
Again, the POV terms are sometimes used differently, but for our purposes I'm going to label them one way and give definitions, just to keep things clear for us. I'm also going to use the same scene for each POV example to illustrate the differences when reading it. This scene is from the first chapter of His Majesty's Secret, a book published under my Carolyn Rosewood pen name by Siren-BookStrand. It's written in third person POV, alternating between the heroine's and hero's POV.
Keep in mind as you read the scene transcribed into each POV, that the original opening scene was written in the heroine's POV. Ravenna is fleeing her homeland into another kingdom. One which is not an ally of the kingdom where she was born. She's close to the castle and has been spotted in the woods by a couple of Castle Guards. In Ravenna's world, women have no rights and it's definitely not safe for them to travel alone, especially in a hostile kingdom.
OMNISCIENT POV. This is a story told from a narrator's POV, but the narrator is not a character in that story. Rather, they are an unseen, all-knowing story teller looking down on the action. They can see everything that each character is doing, and are able to tell the reader each character's thoughts. Sometimes writers will take the approach of limiting the omniscient POV to only a few characters, per chapter or per scene.
The downside to using this POV is that it creates distance between the reader and the characters, because we are never squarely in one person's head during any part of the story. Using a limited omniscient POV can soften this a bit, but because the story teller is still a narrator as opposed to a character, readers can often have a difficult time getting a sense of being there with that character as the story unfolds.
This POV is usually written in past tense, and this refers to the verb tenses used. It could probably be written in present tense if the author wanted to experiment and see how it came out, but I'm not going to try it here.
Remember: the scene we're going to use for each example was originally written in third person, past tense, and this particular scene was told from Ravenna's POV. When I illustrate the differences between writing in past or present tense for each POV (where we're doing that) I'll change the scene to reflect that:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?” asked the first one.
Ravenna glanced around for a higher branch. Her skirt caught on a twig as she pulled herself to a higher position. When she tried to disengage the fabric her pack slipped. She caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted her first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at her, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Ravenna wore a dress. How could they mistake her for a boy?
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Then the other one realized how she was dressed. “Tis a lass,” he said softly.
This scene, written in omniscient POV, is very dry. We don't have anything in the way of motivation, feelings, or internal thoughts of the heroine. It's very matter of fact.
Now, that isn't to say the author can't add other elements in there, but then the line between omniscient POV and third person POV would become thin. Writers often don't understand this and try to write in third person POV, but it comes out as this example instead. When we get to the third person POV example, you'll see how the emotion and internal struggles have been added in to give this scene depth and character substance.
You probably also noted the head-hopping. Head-hopping is when we're not squarely in one character's head for the entire scene or chapter, but rather the writer hops back and forth between POVs. When this is done with great skill (and I'm talking only a few writers can truly pull this off), it does work, but when it's done poorly, it confusing for the reader. Remember, we're trying to ground our readers in the Who, What, When, Where, and Why. If we're hopping back and forth between POVs and characters' heads, that grounding is more difficult to accomplish.
SECOND PERSON POV used to rarely be seen, but it's becoming more popular, especially in certain genres. In this instance, YOU is the character. This solves the issue of distance, but can be awkward to read and difficult to write. Because I chose the YOU in this scene to be one of the guards, we have nothing of Ravenna's thoughts, feelings, or actions until both Guards spot her.
Here's the scene in second person, past tense POV:
Your companion explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” he said. “Someone was here.”
You bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
You heard a noise and both you and your companion whirled around and sprinted toward the tree from which the noise had come. Your companion fixed his gaze straight ahead while you glanced upward, spotting a lad hiding in the tree. “Come down from there, lad.”
He didn't respond. “I said come down from there," you repeated. "Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Your companion grinned, and it was then you realized the lad wasn't a lad at all. Not unless lads had suddenly started wearing dresses.
“Tis a lass,” your companion said softly.
A bit more interesting than reading the omniscient POV, but like first person POV, we only have one person's POV. It's also more difficult to write, but I suspect that's because we're not used to writing that way. I thought about writing this from Ravenna's POV for illustration, instead of one of the Guards, but she'd be watching them as an observer and I didn't think it would be as interesting.
To re-write this in second person, present tense, we need only change the verb tenses:
Your companion explores the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” he says. “Someone was here.”
You bend down and examine the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
You hear a noise and both you and your companion whirl around and sprint toward the tree from which the noise came. Your companion fixes his gaze straight ahead while you glance upward, spotting a lad hiding in the tree. “Come down from there, lad.”
He doesn't respond. “I said come down from there," you repeat. "Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Your companion grins, and it's then you realize the lad isn't a lad at all. Not unless lads have suddenly started wearing dresses.
“Tis a lass,” your companion says softly.
FIRST PERSON POV is popular in fiction. The character is one person in the story. Sometimes, a writer will switch POVs and tell the story in first person from more than one main character, but this can become confusing to readers if the writer is not careful. While this does solve the problem of distance, and provides immediacy and intimacy to the writing, it's limiting in that the writer must be skilled to provide a reader with the other characters' thoughts and feelings when using only one person's POV for the entire story.
This is the same scene written in first person, past tense POV:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and I'd suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing myself for not being more diligent, I glanced around for a higher branch. Perhaps if I moved slowly they wouldn’t hear my ascent.
My skirt caught on a twig as I pulled myself to a higher position. When I tried to disengage the fabric my pack slipped. I caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted me first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at me, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he couldn’t see I wore a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
My stomach contracted in pain as he tilted his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently I wouldn’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal my gender.
“Tis a lass,” he said softly.
As you'll see when we get to third person, the only thing that changes from that POV is the pronouns. You, as a reader, will have to decide if this gives you a more immediate feel as you read it, as opposed to reading the same scene in first person. In both, you're squarely in Ravenna's head, seeing what she's seeing, hearing what she's hearing, and feeling what she's feeling.
Here is the same scene in first person, present tense. Again, all we change are the verb tenses:
The Guards explore the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” says the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bends down and examines the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and I have suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing myself for not being more diligent, I glance around for a higher branch. Perhaps if I move slowly they won’t hear my ascent.
My skirt catches on a twig as I pull myself to a higher position. When I try to disengage the fabric my pack slips. I catch it before it falls from the tree, but both Guards whirl around at the noise.
They sprint toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glances upward. He spots me first and motions for his companion. Both men stare at me, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he can't see I'm wearing a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
My stomach contracts in pain as he tilts his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently I won’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal my gender.
“Tis a lass,” he says softly.
Personally, I like present tense better when writing in first person POV, because I feel the immediacy more. I'm right there as it's happening. But some readers really dislike reading this particular POV. This is all very subjective, so you may have to play around with POVs to get the one you as the writer feel is best for your story.
THIRD PERSON POV is also popular in fiction. It's told from the POV of more than one character at a time. This is where you will find pronouns used - she, he, hers, his - in place of "I" statements or "you". When written correctly, sometimes called deep thirdor close third, it can achieve the same immediacy and intimacy as first person. This is usually told in past tense, as opposed to present tense. The advantage is that the writer can tell the story from more than two POVs if needed, and still achieve the same effects as if writing it in first person POV, but without the confusion that sometimes occurs using first person POV for more than one character in a story.
We're only going to see this scene in third person, past tense POV. And this is how it's actually written in the published book:
The Guards explored the ground near the fir tree. “I know what I saw,” said the taller one. “Someone was here.”
The other man bent down and examined the loam. “Boot prints. But it has not rained for several days. They could be old.”
“Then how do you explain the glint of metal?”
Oh stars of Rohesia. One hour from the portal and she’d suddenly grown careless? Not acceptable. Cursing herself for not being more diligent, she glanced around for a higher branch. Perhaps if she moved slowly they wouldn’t hear her ascent.
Her skirt caught on a twig as she pulled herself to a higher position. When she tried to disengage the fabric her pack slipped. She caught it before it fell from the tree, but both Guards whirled around at the noise.
They sprinted toward the tree, the heavier one scanning straight ahead while the taller man glanced upward. He spotted her first and motioned for his companion. Both men stared at her, their faces full of disbelief. “Come down from there, lad.”
Lad? He must have poor eyesight if he couldn’t see she wore a dress.
“I said come down from there. Who are you? Why are you hiding in trees?"
Ravenna’s stomach contracted in pain as he tilted his head, his lips drawing back in a lecherous grin. Apparently she wouldn’t have to wait to descend the tree to reveal her gender.
“Tis a lass,” he said softly.
Not much different than the first person, past tense POV. As I said, you as a reader have to decide which POV you like reading and writing better.
I know readers who refuse to read a book written in a particular POV. There's no way to anticipate this, just as there's no way to please every single potential reader out there. I'd suggest getting a feel for what's currently selling in your chosen genre. Take a look at what others are publishing, and which POVs seem most popular. Then play around. Experiment with scenes, just as we did here.
Carol Rose
OVER TO YOU. If you have any useful comments or links on POINT OF VIEW that you would like to share, please add them to the Comments over the next five days. After that, this thread will be locked.
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Wouldn't let me. Am I doing something wrong?
