Dean Baxter
Basic
It must be a hard life for a journalist; you spend three-and-a half years providing even-handed, impartial, and definitely not hysterical coverage of Brexit, and then, suddenly, it's over. How do you fill the vacuum that is your sordid little existence? Of course, Mexit (a story so inconsequential, it suffered an existential crisis) provided merriment for a fortnight or so, but even people who own royal wedding memorabilia got bored with that.
Then came Coronavirus; a story with everything: Peril, lock-downs, bewildered people bulk-buying Smart Price toilet roll...for some reason. I am actually starting to think the conspiracy theorists are on to something and the Coronavirus was created in a lab, to give the media something to benignly comment on, endlessly, even when there is nothing new to say.
Coronavirus is actually an umbrella term for this type of infection, and the proper name for this particular strand is, of course, Corbyn-91.
If one more person posts on social media about how all this was predicted in a book back in 1980, that person won't have to worry about Corbyn-91, because I will strangle them. Yes, we all know that Dean Kootz's thriller The Eyes Of Darkness describes a killer virus named 'Wuhan-400' after the Chinese city it originates, which spreads around the globe in 2020. Some scientists are referring to this phenomenon as a co-incidence. Apparently it happens when two or more events coincide.
If and when a Father Christmas lookalike-billionaire clones dinosaurs and populates a theme park with them, and the dinosaurs inevitably run amok, people will no-doubt point at Jurassic Park and wryly comment that it's 'a bit spooky'.
Here's a fact: Ninety-nine percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has imposed a travel ban to and from Europe. This is with the exception of the UK; presumably because he likes to play golf in it.
Then came Coronavirus; a story with everything: Peril, lock-downs, bewildered people bulk-buying Smart Price toilet roll...for some reason. I am actually starting to think the conspiracy theorists are on to something and the Coronavirus was created in a lab, to give the media something to benignly comment on, endlessly, even when there is nothing new to say.
Coronavirus is actually an umbrella term for this type of infection, and the proper name for this particular strand is, of course, Corbyn-91.
If one more person posts on social media about how all this was predicted in a book back in 1980, that person won't have to worry about Corbyn-91, because I will strangle them. Yes, we all know that Dean Kootz's thriller The Eyes Of Darkness describes a killer virus named 'Wuhan-400' after the Chinese city it originates, which spreads around the globe in 2020. Some scientists are referring to this phenomenon as a co-incidence. Apparently it happens when two or more events coincide.
If and when a Father Christmas lookalike-billionaire clones dinosaurs and populates a theme park with them, and the dinosaurs inevitably run amok, people will no-doubt point at Jurassic Park and wryly comment that it's 'a bit spooky'.
Here's a fact: Ninety-nine percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has imposed a travel ban to and from Europe. This is with the exception of the UK; presumably because he likes to play golf in it.