Continually starting lines with pronouns

[LA Thomas]

I am beta threading for an author who does the above. It’s a habit I used to do until someone kindly pointed it out and I try not to do it where I can.

I’m looking for resources I can send the author discussing how to break this habit etc. there are so many on google.

Anyone know of a good one that will explain it and who how to break it etc?

is there a name for this habit? Thanks

 

[Dorm Ant]

Why is it a habit, and what's the problem with it? Surely just change some to the character's name?

 

[RK Wallis]

I am beta threading for an author who does the above. It’s a habit I used to do until someone kindly pointed it out and I try not to do it where I can.

I’m looking for resources I can send the author discussing how to break this habit etc. there are so many on google.

Anyone know of a good one that will explain it and who how to break it etc?

is there a name for this habit? Thanks

So there's repetition of 'he' over more than 3 sentences?

This could be useful:

 

[izi 出久]

Love the music in sentences bit @RK Capps shared. Along with varying sentence length to create this music, vary structure.

I grow tired of consecutive structure. (Consecutive sentence structure tires me.) And it's as easy as I've just demonstrated to switch structure up.

First drafts can have the same length and structure for each sentence. Why not? But once I'm reading something the writer professes to be polished, I expect both the story and the sentences to grip me.

 

[LA Thomas]

Why is it a habit, and what's the problem with it? Surely just change some to the character's name?

I probably didn’t explain it very well. I mean for example, when an author has written a seven line paragraph, and 5 of the lines start with ‘I…’

 

[LA Thomas]

So there's repetition of 'he' over more than 3 sentences?

This could be useful:

Yes but not just within the sentences, they all start with the same pronoun. Thanks for sharing

 

[Hannah F]

I probably didn’t explain it very well. I mean for example, when an author has written a seven line paragraph, and 5 of the lines start with ‘I…’

I'm holding a heavy jug.
The jug I'm holding is so heavy.
My muscles are straining with the weight of this jug.

It's all about playing with sentence structure. That way, you can almost entirely (or entirely if you're really good at it) avoid two consecutive sentences starting with the same pronoun. It's a good exercise to practise.

 

[LA Thomas]

I'm holding a heavy jug.
The jug I'm holding is so heavy.
My muscles are straining with the weight of this jug.

It's all about playing with sentence structure. That way, you can almost entirely (or entirely if you're really good at it) avoid two consecutive sentences starting with the same pronoun. It's a good exercise to practise.

Great example, thanks Hannah.

 

[Robinne Weiss]

I'm holding a heavy jug.
The jug I'm holding is so heavy.
My muscles are straining with the weight of this jug.

It's all about playing with sentence structure. That way, you can almost entirely (or entirely if you're really good at it) avoid two consecutive sentences starting with the same pronoun. It's a good exercise to practise.

Yes. It's about changing the micro-POV (is that a thing? It should be. LOL!), changing the subject of the sentence. Another way to think about it is as a 'distance' thing. Taking Hannah's example, I'm holding a heavy jug is an observation that doesn't drop your readers right into the sensation of holding a heavy jug. But My muscles are straining with the weight of this jug is much more visceral--the reader can feel the jug. The closer you get to the visceral description of what's happening to the character, the less likely you are to use pronouns, because you're honing in on details, not the whole person.

 

[Brayati]

It's a POV issue. By opening too many sentences/paragraphs/scenes with the name/pronoun, it's an overhead or external view of the character, not an internal view/perspective from within the POV character. The distance created blocks connection to the character. Show how the character does/says/thinks things, without the telling (name/pronoun) makes it more active and within POV. All tells create distance from the character; some are necessary, most are not.
The sentence structure does become repetitive, which also tires the mind. It becomes boring.

I'd recommend running sections through AutoCrit or similar to see what percentage of sentences open with name/pronoun, and show the author how high it is, and the effect, along with one or two options to retain POV and avoid too much tell from outside the character.

The tells, and what they mean:
If it's not happening in the moment, and it's not in character/POV, it's a tell. If you need a tell, what's the best tell to use -

Narrative Summary – summarise events that happen over a stretch of time (instead of moment by moment). Used to summarise actions, dialogue, feelings, thoughts and descriptions (it took two weeks to work out how to breach the walls).
Exposition – explanation of set of facts (shorter is better, a line or two sprinkled throughout an activity, perhaps).
Static Description – description of a scene, person or thing shown from outside any character’s head (most description is better done from the perspective of a POV character, but occasionally: a long, winding road wound up the mountain; a single streetlamp reflected on the wet tarmac).

Well, that's my opinion, and what I use to try to keep the reader connected to the characters within the story.

 

[CageSage]

This might help find what the main issue is, but basically, I also think it's a POV issue, and often occurs with other distancing habits.

How to Avoid Starting Sentences with I | Liminal Pages

Book editing for authors (manuscript critique, developmental editing, line editing, copy-editing). Speculative fiction specialist (fantasy, sci-fi, etc.)

www.liminalpages.com

Filter words are more likely to be used in that same structure, as in: felt, heard, saw, etc. because the distance is created by using the pronoun as the subject of each sentence (subject-verb-object becomes a rhythm that's similar to a lullaby and can put a reader to sleep, or it feels choppy and unsettled).
Good luck with it.

 

[LA Thomas]

Yes. It's about changing the micro-POV (is that a thing? It should be. LOL!), changing the subject of the sentence. Another way to think about it is as a 'distance' thing. Taking Hannah's example, I'm holding a heavy jug is an observation that doesn't drop your readers right into the sensation of holding a heavy jug. But My muscles are straining with the weight of this jug is much more visceral--the reader can feel the jug. The closer you get to the visceral description of what's happening to the character, the less likely you are to use pronouns, because you're honing in on details, not the whole person.

Thank you

 

[LA Thomas]

It's a POV issue. By opening too many sentences/paragraphs/scenes with the name/pronoun, it's an overhead or external view of the character, not an internal view/perspective from within the POV character. The distance created blocks connection to the character. Show how the character does/says/thinks things, without the telling (name/pronoun) makes it more active and within POV. All tells create distance from the character; some are necessary, most are not.
The sentence structure does become repetitive, which also tires the mind. It becomes boring.

I'd recommend running sections through AutoCrit or similar to see what percentage of sentences open with name/pronoun, and show the author how high it is, and the effect, along with one or two options to retain POV and avoid too much tell from outside the character.

The tells, and what they mean:
If it's not happening in the moment, and it's not in character/POV, it's a tell. If you need a tell, what's the best tell to use -

Narrative Summary – summarise events that happen over a stretch of time (instead of moment by moment). Used to summarise actions, dialogue, feelings, thoughts and descriptions (it took two weeks to work out how to breach the walls).
Exposition – explanation of set of facts (shorter is better, a line or two sprinkled throughout an activity, perhaps).
Static Description – description of a scene, person or thing shown from outside any character’s head (most description is better done from the perspective of a POV character, but occasionally: a long, winding road wound up the mountain; a single streetlamp reflected on the wet tarmac).

Well, that's my opinion, and what I use to try to keep the reader connected to the characters within the story.

Thank you, I will pass that advice on.

 

[LA Thomas]

This might help find what the main issue is, but basically, I also think it's a POV issue, and often occurs with other distancing habits.

How to Avoid Starting Sentences with I | Liminal Pages

Book editing for authors (manuscript critique, developmental editing, line editing, copy-editing). Speculative fiction specialist (fantasy, sci-fi, etc.)

www.liminalpages.com

Filter words are more likely to be used in that same structure, as in: felt, heard, saw, etc. because the distance is created by using the pronoun as the subject of each sentence (subject-verb-object becomes a rhythm that's similar to a lullaby and can put a reader to sleep, or it feels choppy and unsettled).
Good luck with it.

Than you. You are the second person to recommend that website so I will defiantly send her the link.