Author fears and doubts. How did you push through it?

[Nikky Lee]

There's been an interesting discussion on one of my Facebook writers groups about author fears/doubts—and some great responses from people about how they've experienced writer fear in one form or another. However, there was not much in the way of how they push through their fear.

Here is a list of the type of the various fears the group came up with, in order of most experienced to least:

1. Distance between vision and skill: "I'm not good enough to write this book"
2. Myopia: "Is this WIP any good? Is the story even interesting? Does any of it make sense?"
3. Writer envy: "I'll never be that good..."
4. The Trad Publishing 'Gatekeepers': "They'll never give me/my book a chance."
5. Misstepping: "Will I pigeon-hole myself? Is this the right book to debut with? Have I chosen the right publishing path?"
6. Writer underwater/Drowning in paper: "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"
7. Inability to figure out the next steps: "I don't know how to write this scene/edit this chapter/fix this plot hole/level up as a writer.”
8. Cost/Benefit: "I'm investing/sacrificing too much"
9. Worry over inspiration: “I might run out of ideas.”

I thought it might be nice to put together a blog about these fears and how different writers have overcome, ignored or put them aside to keep writing.

So here's my question: Have you experienced any of these doubts? How did you push through it/them?

As an example, here's my story: I fell prey to #1 on the list. I put off my WIP for 10 years believing I didn't have the experience and skill necessary to do the story justice. However, when I joined a local writers group, their support (and nagging) helped me push through that doubt and gave me the confidence to keep going. The group meets every 3 weeks, so I also began to run out of chapters to read at each session, which forced me to forge on so I wouldn't run out of material to read. I also gave myself a deadline—finish the draft before I turned 30. Those few things, helped me push through this doubt.

 

[Dan Payne]

Many of them, definitely. Probably in a similar order to your list.

I put off (am still putting off) my magnum opus idea until I've got a lot more under my belt. I have been planning an insanely ambitious fantasy/science fiction that I could write now, but would probably make a hash of. Fortunately, there are plenty of more straightforward and usable ideas for me to work on instead. When I have another couple of novels completed I'll brave the ultima ratio.

Self-criticism is a particular issue when you submit yourself to critique. It's closely related to writer envy: when you compare your own work to that of authors who've been writing for decades, who have inspired you, you can find that your own voice doesn't sound like theirs. (It's useful to remember that as you found those authors' voice inspiring, your readers will think of you likewise.)

I don't worry so much about gatekeepers: I trust in the value of my own writing and I'm sure I'll find a market for it somewhere. If all else fails, the modern publishing environment means that you can still make something of your work even if no publishers buy it. This also helps deal with worries over cost/benefit: nothing we do as authors now needs to be wasted. Spare a thought for generations of writers who slaved for years over their manuscripts which never saw the light of day!

Fear of misstepping is a big one, though. I write in a variety of genres. I don't want to find myself pigeon-holed in a single genre. Why is it that success with one novel might mean that an author might find it harder to sell other novels? Because it's not just about the writing, it's about the market and the ways we go about selling books. But then, there's always the noms des plumes to fall back on...

 

[Nikky Lee]

(It's useful to remember that as you found those authors' voice inspiring, your readers will think of you likewise.)

Agree. I also think it is important to remember that when you're reading the authors you admire, you are reading their polished work—it's been revised, rewritten, gone through an editor (and sometimes and agent as well). Comparing their polished words to the words of your first draft is like comparing a apple to an apple seed. Theirs is the fruit of hard work and revision, yours words are still young, but one day they'll bear fruit of their own.

But then, there's always the noms des plumes to fall back on...

This for me too. I have ideas for several fantasy comedies and cyberpunk novels that are very different to the WIP I'm currently working on (dark/grimdark fantasy).

 

[RK Wallis]

All of them, except 8.

A few years ago, I decided to treat my novel as a "practice" novel, so I'm not as emotionally attached. Quite a few times, I've deleted 60000 words of 80,000 (and being emotionally detached helps, plus it makes getting critique feedback an enjoyable challenge). In the spirit of a first draft, I've written myself back to 80,000. Each time the story is completely different. Effectively, a new book. I've even written it from another character's POV and written multiple POV. There are only two scenes from my initial draft that I could recognise, but even they feel like a reno from Selling Houses Australia.

With new ideas, I find both reading craft books and real books (to see how others do it) really inspires me. Plus, if I dissect someone else's voice, I find it easier to experiment with my own.

 

[CageSage]

1. Distance between vision and skill: "I'm not good enough to write this book"
2. Myopia: "Is this WIP any good? Is the story even interesting? Does any of it make sense?"
3. Writer envy: "I'll never be that good..."
4. The Trad Publishing 'Gatekeepers': "They'll never give me/my book a chance."
5. Misstepping: "Will I pigeon-hole myself? Is this the right book to debut with? Have I chosen the right publishing path?"
6. Writer underwater/Drowning in paper: "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"
7. Inability to figure out the next steps: "I don't know how to write this scene/edit this chapter/fix this plot hole/level up as a writer.”
8. Cost/Benefit: "I'm investing/sacrificing too much"
9. Worry over inspiration: “I might run out of ideas.”

My responses:
1. No one is ever good enough unless they keep writing - it is the act of undertaking the craft that hones the skill (ask any cabinetmaker).
2. If it doesn't make sense now, put it in the drawer until it's ready to play the game (along with the synapses of the writer's mind).
3. Good is only as good as the reader who reads it. Comparing to other writers isn't the point of writing, it's to find readers.
4. There is always a gatekeeper - don't let it be the writer of the story. At least give the gatekeeper a chance to open the page ...
5. Almost every writer who has 'made it' in terms of earning an income from their writing will write in whatever form or genre is likely to best fit the story (or, for the 1920s writers, anything that was likely to earn money). No one genre or path is the end of the line, there are many branches. For this one, I like to think in terms of emotional high-points. Genre has the main plot points that work the emotion of that genre, but every other genre can use the same basics of the story with things moved around to refocus the emotion. It's a good learning curve. Oh, and story is story, so a well-written story is likely to 'turn' the reader, perhaps. And, if worried, there is always the option of rebranding the writer with a suitable name (this brings the problems of maintaining more than one 'brand' space, though, so beware of the time it takes for this when choosing this particular path).
6. If the writer or character can't see the path, it's time to write down the single-line purpose for each chapter/scene. It really helps. I use a 'Chain of Events' process to make sure I keep up the cause and effect flow and don't get too badly sidetracked (there's so much to see down that rabbit-hole ...).
7. See (6) above. Another option is to define the main through-line for the story and focus on the steps for that, and then to line up the sub-plots against it, see if the through-lines for the sub-plots are getting out of hand. If necessary, chop off a few fingers of the sub-plots and see if the story works just as well.
8. Sacrifice is the name of the game, for writers, for characters, for readers. The writer sacrifices a normal life, friends, sanity, etc. The character sacrifices what they thought was important for whatever the theme is. The reader sacrifices time (and money, maybe) to travel the journey of the story. Life is sacrifice, just make sure there's joy and sorrow, highs and lows, elation and fear, as the major elements of the story so they show why the sacrifice is worth it. And it will be, or you wouldn't be writing it.
9. The more ideas you work at, the more they pop into your head. The problem is when they keep pestering and prodding and keeping you awake at night. Ideas will never stop coming once you've opened the door to them (See Ghost for the premise behind this thought - it applies to ideas as much as spirits).
10. My own - I won't live long enough/be able to finish them all ... which means, I have to focus on one at a time, and do the best I can to make that story the best it can be, regardless of whether it leaves home or not.

Never give up. Why? Because once the writer stops writing, the ideas stop coming, the story goes to sleep, and the sense of loss is heavy.

 

[CageSage]

As an aside to this, ask writers to read the original novella Stephen King wrote (in 1962?) that eventually turned into 'The Shawshank Redemption'.

It's a demonstration that even the best in the field have a place where they needed help, but also shows that if you don't put it out there, no one will ever be able to see the potential/purpose of that story.

 

[Steve C]

Interesting thread. Here's my two pence.
For me only points 1,2 and 3 concerned me. Point 4 is just how it is rather than a worry. The other points have never really cropped up in my thinking. Fundamentally I want to prove to myself I can write and that requires readers willing to pay to read my stuff. That's not the same thing as wanting to make lots of money. It is the first three points that make me think I may be incapable so need challenging.
Point 1 I fight by learning. Starting from scratch there is a lot to learn so a lot of excuses for producing below-average work which can be improved on. This is the trick for me. Learn something, apply it and see if the writing has improved. That in itself can be a buzz.
Point 2 is really tricky to confront. The solution lies in an outside opinion. Myopia requires a different lens to correct. The eyes of others can see what you cannot. Get advice and apply it. I am beginning to think writing a synopsis first might be the answer to this. Ask people here to critique it, tweek it and modify it, etc until you feel you have something good then the writing bit becomes a simpler exercise. I can't imagine a worse nightmare than writing brilliantly for a year only to be told the story is boring. For me the story is everything. I have read some badly written books that held me until the end. The fact that some writing jumps out at me as being bad I find encouraging. It shows I am learning and becoming more discerning.
Point 3 is the opposite. It is an internal thing. Self-doubt is necessary if you are going to improve. Cocky people are generally bad learners as they think they know it all already. Only by doubting yourself do you open up the possibility of improving. I try to turn doubt into a positive in that sense. Comparing yourself to successful writers and concluding you may as well give up seems daft to me. You are you and me is me and they are they. We all do things our own way. If we didn't there would be fewer interesting books to read.

 

[Barbara]

Can I add a number 10 to the list?

10) the state in your writing when the other side of your being takes over. This side: the sheer-and-utter-panic-I-can't-cope-I'll-give-up-and-stick-to-mowing-the-lawn-argh-don't-even-try-sit-at-a-keyboard-this-is-all-way-too-big-for-me-what-was-I-thinking-trying-this-I-can't-do-this-I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-this-silly-novel-I-will-bin-the-lot-and-give-up.

It's my current state of being, and I'm currently trying to ignore that side of me. And failing. I shall try putting imaginary fingers in my ears while chanting a tune: la la la. Any tune suggestions are welcome.

 

[CageSage]

sheer-and-utter-panic-I-can't-cope-I'll-give-up-and-stick-to-mowing-the-lawn-argh-don't-even-try-sit-at-a-keyboard-this-is-all-way-too-big-for-me-what-was-I-thinking-trying-this-I-can't-do-this-I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-this-silly-novel-I-will-bin-the-lot-and-give-up

Oooooh, can I borrow this term for that phase?
I think it's something that happens somewhere between the mid-point and the entry to the final act where this affliction pokes its head up. Somewhat like a boil.
How to beat it? Mow the lawn. Watch someone lovely mow the lawn. Sniff in the scent of grass clippings. Imagine what the story would look like if it were there with you - what would the character say about 'the story situation' when it wasn't under pressure?

Never bin the lot. Persistence will walk you through this phase, a bit of distraction will loosen up the old grey matter bolts, a different physical environment can help distract the heeby-jeebies from the mind.
Play a bit, let go of the strict purpose of this section of the story, let it loose, let down the hair of the characters, see what they do without supervision - give them a timeline, and then tell them to get back to work. But give them the option of playing by your rules, or allowing them to make suggestions.

I know that sounds mad, but it's not. Some people call themselves planners, but once the story starts its engines, they lose the paperwork. Some people say they don't plan, but spend years putting the bits and pieces together in their head. Writer and story is like horse and rider. Sometimes, we have to cede control for a purpose. Sometimes, we have no idea where the bridle-path leads, other times, we're working to Olympic standards.
Find your space, and occasionally let the space be empty.

* I still want to use that term - it feels so delicious to roll around on the tongue!

 

[Barbara]

Thank you for your kind post above @CageSage. I shall read it a few times. I might even put it on my fridge. The novel is finished. I'm at the editing stage and, looking back at it, I got the sudden throw hands in the air and walk away tantrum.

I think you're right with what you say about how to get past it.

It's hard isn't it. As writers we live in our heads, with our thoughts and fears. I often find that the only true hurdle is myself. Letting go of what I want for the novel, and accepting self-doubt can be the only way to get over it. But that's easier said than done.

The grass on my lawn is going to be very short.

 

[Carol Rose]

Have you experienced any of these doubts?

YES. All but number 9. Ideas are something I never seem to run out of.

How did you push through it/them?

I'll answer the ones that apply individually.

Distance between vision and skill: "I'm not good enough to write this book"

Well, encouragement from other writers and then from fans helped, but honestly this is a tough one because it's rooted in our childhood self esteem and that's difficult to overcome. All the self help books and daily affirmations in the world often can't silence that nasty voice. I guess you have to want to write the book more than you want to believe you can't, if that makes any sense. I had a driving passion that had been part of my life since I was about 7 years old. Finally one day, I decided to do something about it.

Myopia: "Is this WIP any good? Is the story even interesting? Does any of it make sense?"

Welcome to writing. Especially genre writing, where you're in that space between writing what you want to write, and writing what you know your readers want. One of the reasons I'm taking a break is exactly this. I got tired of writing books that, to me, no longer were interesting or fresh. They were the same old, same old, because that's what my publishers and readers wanted Never mind that the reviews praised my uniqueness. While I appreciate that, the sales weren't there when I wrote something that wasn't the same old, same old. How did I push through? I did what I wanted anyway. I'm a rebel that way. But I paid the price in mediocre sales for those books.

Writer envy: "I'll never be that good..."

Or sell that much, no matter how well I write, or how much the reviews praise my characters and my stories. How did I push through? I didn't. Still can't get past this one. It's frustrating and confusing.

The Trad Publishing 'Gatekeepers': "They'll never give me/my book a chance."

This one no longer applies to me because they did give me a chance, but I kept it here because I wanted to share that the way to push through this is to understand the industry, and write something they want. You need to step over your ego to get past this one. Either that or self-publish and build your own little empire that way instead. Publishing is a reader-driven industry, whether you want to believe that or not. If an agent can't sell a book, they have no incentive to represent you. They have bills to pay, too. They have to eat, same as you. If a publisher can't sell a book, they aren't going to take it on. It's a business. It's not personal.

Misstepping: "Will I pigeon-hole myself? Is this the right book to debut with? Have I chosen the right publishing path?"

I fell into writing erotic romance because that was the opportunity given to me eight years ago. And I stayed because for a while I enjoyed it. But once I learned more about the industry in general, and especially about the romance genre, and witnessed all the changes (most are not for the better, I'm sorry to say), I became disillusioned. Now I'm wondering what's next for me, or whether I will ever write again.

Writer underwater/Drowning in paper: "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"

It's hard to see the end of a 90,000 word book when you can't seem to get the first paragraph right. It's hard to see the end of a 30,00 book when the beginning isn't happening. It might be because you don't have a cohesive story to begin with, or because you haven't done enough prep work for your characters. If you aren't excited about a story, your readers won't be either. Put that one aside. Start something new.

Inability to figure out the next steps: "I don't know how to write this scene/edit this chapter/fix this plot hole/level up as a writer.”

This takes practice and prep work to get past. If you've done the prep work, this won't happen. You'll have at least a skeletal outline that will keep you on track. Plot holes happen when you haven't planned ahead. Fixing scenes depends on what you're looking to do. If you treat each scene as a mini story, and let them build on each other toward a climactic moment, you won't have this issue. But that takes practice - writing and then more writing. It's a skill, and some are better at it than others.

Cost/Benefit: "I'm investing/sacrificing too much"

Yes. This. That's where I was this time last year. Too many classes on marketing, and too much time and money spent on boxed sets I thought being part of was the answer to what I was looking for. When I pulled back, I did it cold turkey and I did it with everything except Litopia. It comes down to a matter of survival and peace of mind. The returns were no longer outweighing the time and money I spent.

 

[Jackson Banks]

I think writing opens a gateway to the ego. At first the idea you come up with for a novel is the most brilliant thing ever. You can see yourself as 'the author' and at some-point along putting the ideas on paper you convince yourself its the biggest pile of you know what. I've experienced a few on the list but in the end you push through.

What I've come to learn in writing and in life, is simply dont think. Just do it. (Sorry Nike). Thinking will just beat you up because of fear. And its that fear that most people listen to and live by. Every time I have struggled with a mansucript is because I started thinking.
So when you sit down, just type and let it flow from the subconscious. Immerse yourself in the scene and join the characters. You will be amazed how much better the writing flows and the doubts disappear.
I hope that makes sense.

 

[Steve C]

10) the state in your writing when the other side of your being takes over. This side: the sheer-and-utter-panic-I-can't-cope-I'll-give-up-and-stick-to-mowing-the-lawn-argh-don't-even-try-sit-at-a-keyboard-this-is-all-way-too-big-for-me-what-was-I-thinking-trying-this-I-can't-do-this-I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-this-silly-novel-I-will-bin-the-lot-and-give-up side.

How to beat it? Mow the lawn. Watch someone lovely mow the lawn. Sniff in the scent of grass clippings.

You can always tell an authors house by the well-kept lawn.

 

[Robinne Weiss]

I experience many of these fears, but I also know I am more than my written work. So if the writing isn't as good or successful as I would like it to be, it doesn't define me.

And, doing something difficult always comes with fear. It's the fear that spurs us to learn and improve. That's a good thing.

A few years ago, I decided to treat my novel as a "practice" novel, so I'm not as emotionally attached.

Yes! This. I have several 'practice' novels finished in a drawer. Happy I wrote them, happy to leave them in the drawer.

 

[Robert M Derry]

This is an interesting thread @Nmlee and I've experienced all those doubts/fears at some point.

Oddly, I'm not sure the solution is overcome these fears/doubts, but instead accept them and use them.

Doubt and fear are rational emotions to experience when writing and often their origins of these feelings have some merit. If you doubt something in your manuscript (e.g. if you are unsure if your characters are fleshed out or not) then to ignore it is unwise. Instead look at why you feel this way is there some validity to your doubt?

Fear/doubt is only a problem if it inhibits your ability to act.

There's also the importance of having realistic expectations. There's a decent chance that you won't become a published author - if you pin every hope you have on becoming one the come down is going to be pretty hard.

Also, consider why you are writing. I write because I love doing it. I want to be published, but if I never am, hey, I had a good time.

 

[Paul Whybrow]

As several people have said, a sense of detachment is crucial if I'm to get anything done. Maybe non-attachment is a better way of describing how I work when writing:

http://www.zenthinking.net/blog/understanding-the-difference-between-non-attachment-vs-detachment

I've always been pragmatic, making the best of what's around to get a job done. There's no point in letting the ego interfere with getting on with things. Doubt and fear don't touch me, as I view myself almost as another person, as I wade through another round of editing a manuscript I've already improved fifty times. I can only query agents by seeing it as necessary for writer Paul to do. I become that supplicant, dotting my i's and crossing the t's as I compose a submission. Inner me might be sneering a bit, but I've jumped through another hoop.

As Plato said: 'The first and best victory is to conquer self.'

 

[E G Logan]

You can always tell an authors house by the well-kept lawn.

And mine by the immaculately clean cooker...

 

[E G Logan]

And mine by the immaculately clean cooker...

because I don't have a lawn (or a garden)

 

[Rachel Caldecott]

]
I have the first three with my third manuscript (which is currently on hold, while I figure out how, or if, to proceed). My fear takes the form of "OMG, I've bitten off more than I can chew," and "the idea is so far out there, beyond any genre or niche, will people even get it?" A mix of a historical fiction and a virtual reality thriller - how do I even market it? Should I bother or should I stop trying to combine the two ideas and just write two books?
I'll let you know when I work out how to combat these fears.