As if and After all

'I Wrote The Same Novel Three Times...'

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Happy Birthday, Kitty.

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Quillwitch

Basic
Jan 1, 2015
Mexico
When do you use a comma before "as if"? or after After all- My work is riddled with as ifs!


Here is a sentence from my work. It´s really long and I'm not sure if it takes a comma.

His signature red hair that in other circumstances would have been neatly combed back in its place was swirling madly in the wind as if his hair were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain.

AND

“Yes, I have,” said Jones, as if he were talking about making tea

AND

He raised Phinneas´s hand to the sky as if he had just won a boxing match.


AND HOW ABOUT THIS?

After all, he was practically royalty.

After all, your father is a very important man, and that makes you--”


THANKS
 
In the first sentence, I'd put two commas in, but not where you were asking about...

His signature red hair that, in other circumstances, would have been neatly combed back in its place was swirling madly in the wind as if his hair were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain.

I'd agree with @Sea-shore that you should use the comma where you want a pause. I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for those phrases. I also think that your copy editor will eventually tear into and change all your comma choices anyway (mine always does), so I wouldn't fret too much about it. :)
 
In the first sentence, I'd put two commas in, but not where you were asking about...

His signature red hair that, in other circumstances, would have been neatly combed back in its place was swirling madly in the wind as if his hair were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain.

I'd agree with @Sea-shore that you should use the comma where you want a pause. I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for those phrases. I also think that your copy editor will eventually tear into and change all your comma choices anyway (mine always does), so I wouldn't fret too much about it. :)

Yeah, thing is that I don´t have the money for an editor.
 
Commas are Satan's fleas! And hyphens are Satan's slugs....

I regularly get caught out by typing the word although, without adding a comma. I recommend the free version of Grammarly, which is brilliant at spotting unnecessary and missing commas. It's checking this reply as I type, though, sadly, doesn't work in the LibreOffice writing software that I use, so I cut and paste chapters into it when editing.

Write your best with Grammarly.

It's by no means perfect, not understanding abstract concepts, for instance, insisting that they need a prefix, so keep your brain engaged while using it.
 
I'd say put the comma in if you pause when you read it out.

I tend to do this, though caused myself problems when writing the speech of a hyperactive character with a stutter! I changed many of the commas to ellipses, which made the text easier to read.

Lynne Truss, in her Eats, Shoots & Leaves punctuation guide tells an appropriate anecdote about James Thurber:

"Thurber was once asked by a correspondent: 'Why did you have a comma in the sentence, After dinner, the men went into the living room?' And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. 'This particular comma,' Thurber explained, 'was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up.'"
 
Commas are Satan's fleas! And hyphens are Satan's slugs....

I regularly get caught out by typing the word although, without adding a comma. I recommend the free version of Grammarly, which is brilliant at spotting unnecessary and missing commas. It's checking this reply as I type, though, sadly, doesn't work in the LibreOffice writing software that I use, so I cut and paste chapters into it when editing.

Write your best with Grammarly.

It's by no means perfect, not understanding abstract concepts, for instance, insisting that they need a prefix, so keep your brain engaged while using it.


I have grammarly, but I find that it is by no means perfect.It has erased all of the commas after after all and the as if commas too, so I am wary. I´d like to believe that it´s correct but somehow I don´t think it is.
 
Yes, a comma where there would be a pause in speech is what I do. I also probably overuse the dash. But, does it really matter? I know, never start a sentence with 'but'. However, I've read so many best selling US authors who start sentences - even paragraphs - with 'But', 'Which' (as in 'Which meant that...' i.e. not interrogative) or 'And'. I can see 'And' making sense as in 'And another thing' - an afterthought, but not as e.g. part of a list. As if it matters...
 
Don't use them?

Avoid using those constructions.

Old hat. Fiction breaks grammar rules all the time. Novels nowadays ...well written even literary novels, use sentences that are not even sentences, strictly speaking. Your editing tools will try and make you correct them.

'Fragment,' it will say, 'consider revising.'

Consider but don't necessarily do it.

Of course you need to know and use good grammar, but it can become a trap. You wouldn't want an Oxford don unleashed on editing your novel. He or she would kill it dead with their red pen. They would strangle the life out of it.
 
When do you use a comma before "as if"? or after After all- My work is riddled with as ifs!


Here is a sentence from my work. It´s really long and I'm not sure if it takes a comma.

His signature red hair that in other circumstances would have been neatly combed back in its place was swirling madly in the wind as if his hair were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain.

THANKS

I would change your sentence in two ways. Firstly to denote your sub-clause. Secondly to remove the repetition of hair. So the sentence would become -

"His signature red hair, that in other circumstances would have been neatly combed back in its place, was swirling madly in the wind as if it were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain."

In the sub-clause you yourself refer to his hair as "its" and so in the rest of the sentence the same rule applies. I might add that I am not a grammar expert and there could be several other viewpoints of how your sentence should be constructed and they could all be correct.
 
I would change your sentence in two ways. Firstly to denote your sub-clause. Secondly to remove the repetition of hair. So the sentence would become -

"His signature red hair, that in other circumstances would have been neatly combed back in its place, was swirling madly in the wind as if it were an external reflection of the uncontrolled emotions in his brain."

In the sub-clause you yourself refer to his hair as "its" and so in the rest of the sentence the same rule applies. I might add that I am not a grammar expert and there could be several other viewpoints of how your sentence should be constructed and they could all be correct.

That sounds perfect. Thank you!
 
Don't use them?

Avoid using those constructions.

Old hat. Fiction breaks grammar rules all the time. Novels nowadays ...well written even literary novels, use sentences that are not even sentences, strictly speaking. Your editing tools will try and make you correct them.

'Fragment,' it will say, 'consider revising.'

Consider but don't necessarily do it.

Of course you need to know and use good grammar, but it can become a trap. You wouldn't want an Oxford don unleashed on editing your novel. He or she would kill it dead with their red pen. They would strangle the life out of it.

Yes, and that´s why, though a great tool, Grammarly might not always work for literary writing.
 
Well I had another opinion about commas in that first sentence, but given you've had two suggestions, I think a third would just confuse the issue! As for the "what ifs", as said, use the commas sparingly based on where you would pause if you were saying it out loud.
 
Well I had another opinion about commas in that first sentence, but given you've had two suggestions, I think a third would just confuse the issue! As for the "what ifs", as said, use the commas sparingly based on where you would pause if you were saying it out loud.

Hey, @Alistair Roberts --good to see you here! I would love to see your suggestion, so by all means, share.
 
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'I Wrote The Same Novel Three Times...'

L

Happy Birthday, Kitty.

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