elevator pitch opinions

[Trey]

Hello! Votes based on originality and commercial appeal appreciated for my WIP -TIA to all who take part!

 

[JohnBertel]

No 1. But I expect a good explanation for why the blackmailer chooses that particular method. But I'm sure there's a great potential market among aspiring writers who would buy the book to see how the blackmailer ensured that the agent read the manuscript.

 

[Claire G]

Hi @Trey

Can you tell me the genre please? It will make it easier to choose.

Claire x

 

[Trey]

Hi @Trey

Can you tell me the genre please? It will make it easier to choose.

Claire x

Hi @Trey

Can you tell me the genre please? It will make it easier to choose.

Claire x

@JohnBertel and Claire, following last week's huddle and some golden advice from everyone there including, of course, @AgentPete, I think the genre's a dark comedy-psychological thriller mash up. Unfortunately, much as writers are interested in the metafiction side of things, Pete pointed out that this doesn't glean mass appeal. Also, I've realised it isn't the heart of the book (a bit of pun intended). 2 and 4 above are closer to the core of what the story is about.

 

[Hannah F]

So it's more likely to be a dark comedy romance. Next question: who is your protagonist? Because 3. sounds like it's the fictional author. and 4. sounds like it's the agent.

Also 3. reads like a strapline or tagline. Elevator pitch (usually) means your concept in one or two sentences.

 

[Claire G]

I agree: who's the protagonist?

 

[Trey]

I agree: who's the protagonist?

The agent is the protagonist. Good point. Thanks.

 

[Claire G]

Maybe merge 1 & 3 somehow?

 

[RK Wallis]

I'm loving the rhythm of No 4. That last sentence is excellent. That sentence allows the reader in to wonder - what is going on? I'd read that book.

 

[Eva Ulian]

My choice would much depend on what genre it is. 3 if it's a Romance: 1. if it's a thriller.

 

[Eva Ulian]

strapline or tagline.

I agree.

 

[Hannah F]

I'm confused. The novel reveals he killed his father? Then wouldn't the best strategy be to take the client on and pretend he's submitting the MS to publishers when he's just keeping it in the slush pile?

 

[Trey]

My choice would much depend on what genre it is. 3 if it's a Romance: 1. if it's a thriller.

That's half the issue, it's a dark comedy romantic thriller.

 

[Eva Ulian]

That's half the issue, it's a dark comedy romantic thriller.

Now that's a sticker, isn't it?

 

[Trey]

I'm confused. The novel reveals he killed his father? Then wouldn't the best strategy be to take the client on and pretend he's submitting the MS to publishers when he's just keeping it in the slush pile?

Absolutely. And that's just what he's trying to do. He doesn't realise the novel query thing is a ruse and a trap...

 

[Trey]

Maybe merge 1 & 3 somehow?

Maybe something like this (which is closer to the original EP from ages ago with the addition of the love aspect.)
Literary agent is blackmailed with a novel query revealing he killed his father.
The author is after his heart. Literally. She needs a transplant. He finds love.

 

[Pamela Jo]

Maybe something like this (which is closer to the original EP from ages ago with the addition of the love aspect.)
Literary agent is blackmailed with a novel query revealing he killed his father.
The author is after his heart. Literally. She needs a transplant. He finds love.

If you remember who this goes to it will help you nail it down. Elevator pitch goes to agents and publishers. They want to know what is fresh, original, where they can sell it.

Blurbs to readers.

These seem more pitched to readers.

As Jason says subtlety is over rated. Esp so when doing elevator pitches to busy people. I would pitch to upmarket women's fiction agents. My guess would be your reader is more a Myslexia subscriber than Colleen Hoover fan. With a fair Venn diagram crossover if you pull off the promised mystery and romance.
Have you ever tried writing a logline? They are excellent ways to train for elevator pitches. Try going several floors on the elevator. You're doing a 5 second pitch and you do have about half a minute.

https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/what-is-a-logline-1630/

 

[Claire G]

Maybe something like this (which is closer to the original EP from ages ago with the addition of the love aspect.)
Literary agent is blackmailed with a novel query revealing he killed his father.
The author is after his heart. Literally. She needs a transplant. He finds love.

Literary agent is blackmailed by a querying author. She knows he killed his father. As a transplant patient, she wants his heart. He wants only her love.

 

[Trey]

If you remember who this goes to it will help you nail it down. Elevator pitch goes to agents and publishers. They want to know what is fresh, original, where they can sell it.

Blurbs to readers.

These seem more pitched to readers.

As Jason says subtlety is over rated. Esp so when doing elevator pitches to busy people. I would pitch to upmarket women's fiction agents. My guess would be your reader is more a Myslexia subscriber than Colleen Hoover fan. With a fair Venn diagram crossover if you pull off the promised mystery and romance.
Have you ever tried writing a logline? They are excellent ways to train for elevator pitches. Try going several floors on the elevator. You're doing a 5 second pitch and you do have about half a minute.

https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/what-is-a-logline-1630/

Thanks Pamelo Jo. I could only type a few words in the boxes for this poll, but my blurb is longer. I'll keep all this advice in mind. What a minefield!

 

[Hannah F]

Question: Why does the author want the agent's heart in particular?

 

[Pamela Jo]

Thanks Pamelo Jo. I could only type a few words in the boxes for this poll, but my blurb is longer. I'll keep all this advice in mind. What a minefield!

It always comes down to what works, works. Reverse engineering usually works better than following formula's from any kind of writing course. "If I were an agent what would I need to make me bet on this?"

 

[Rachael Burnett]

Maybe something like this (which is closer to the original EP from ages ago with the addition of the love aspect.)
Literary agent is blackmailed with a novel query revealing he killed his father.
The author is after his heart. Literally. She needs a transplant. He finds love.

It sounds an interesting premise. One question came to mind, as transplants have a specific protocol for who receives each organ, how would she actually get his heart? Even if he agreed to give her his literal heart, I’m uncertain if the transplant board would agree because for ethical and legal reasons most transplant decisions are independent (I know family can donate a kidney, but to donate a heart you die, could this happen in reality?). I’m probably overthinking this

 

[Pamela Jo]

It sounds an interesting premise. One question came to mind, as transplants have a specific protocol for who receives each organ, how would she actually get his heart? Even if he agreed to give her his literal heart, I’m uncertain if the transplant board would agree because for ethical and legal reasons most transplant decisions are independent (I know family can donate a kidney, but to donate a heart you die, could this happen in reality?). I’m probably overthinking this

I agree this is something I thought of as well. If it's not a realistic premise then a reader is not going to take the bait. Usually any organ transplant goes into a bank with a waiting list and you dont get to chose who it goes to or whose you get. Maybe there's a perfect match but for me that's too much of a coincidence. These are the things that can make me kick my own plot and premise up a few levels. It's just not quite cooked yet. And that is what I see agents complaining about a lot. People not really developing their concept. My first book I was definitely guilty of that.

 

[Trey]

Question: Why does the author want the agent's heart in particular?

 

[Trey]

Legitimate question! The agent's heart is a precision modelling match (this is a slightly speculative addition as this technology is in development as an improvement on the current tissue/blood typing system which sees so many organs rejected). She is his closest match.

 

[Trey]

Legitimate question! The agent's heart is a precision modelling match (this is a slightly speculative addition as this technology is in development as an improvement on the current tissue/blood typing system which sees so many organs rejected). She is his closest match. I framed it as 'perfect match' for pitching purposes but in the novel it is clear that he's the closest match. @Pamela Jo - I completely get where you're coming from but these are questions which are clarified in the novel. Although, as you say, whether the fact that the questions exist would make an agent turn away is another issue. This is a thriller with speculative elements. The author has set up her own private surgical team and she needs to get Tom in her clutches so she can ensure his heart is in good nick and transplanted at the right time for her. Without going into all the various steps she has taken (which are shown within the novel), in short, she has set him up based on his match and he bites thanks to his guilty past. Hope that clarifies a little! And thanks so much for the probing questions

 

[Hannah F]

Legitimate question! The agent's heart is a precision modelling match (this is a slightly speculative addition as this technology is in development as an improvement on the current tissue/blood typing system which sees so many organs rejected). She is his closest match. I framed it as 'perfect match' for pitching purposes but in the novel it is clear that he's the closest match. @Pamela Jo - I completely get where you're coming from but these are questions which are clarified in the novel. Although, as you say, whether the fact that the questions exist would make an agent turn away is another issue. This is a thriller with speculative elements. The author has set up her own private surgical team and she needs to get Tom in her clutches so she can ensure his heart is in good nick and transplanted at the right time for her. Without going into all the various steps she has taken (which are shown within the novel), in short, she has set him up based on his match and he bites thanks to his guilty past. Hope that clarifies a little! And thanks so much for the probing questions

In which case, I would definitely include "speculative" in your genre description.

 

[Pamela Jo]

It's an issue with all of us, " it's explained later in the novel." I'm rethinking my blurb for that very reason. The dilemma of what to show, how to sell. The advertising maxim is sell the sizzle not the steak. So what is my sizzle exactly? Sometimes the answer is - not the obvious thing. Maybe you dont mention the heart transplant yet-you just hint at it. What is the puzzle, the damned if I do, damned if I dont situation that readers have to know the answer to? That's what we all have to figure out.
And yes, you ignore the directions from agents to be literal and reveal all twists. From Pete's own synopsis video.

 

[Hannah F]

A literary agent takes on a client. What better way to stop her blackmailing him? Until he's forced to choose: his secret or his heart.

 

[Rachael Burnett]

Legitimate question! The agent's heart is a precision modelling match (this is a slightly speculative addition as this technology is in development as an improvement on the current tissue/blood typing system which sees so many organs rejected). She is his closest match. I framed it as 'perfect match' for pitching purposes but in the novel it is clear that he's the closest match. @Pamela Jo - I completely get where you're coming from but these are questions which are clarified in the novel. Although, as you say, whether the fact that the questions exist would make an agent turn away is another issue. This is a thriller with speculative elements. The author has set up her own private surgical team and she needs to get Tom in her clutches so she can ensure his heart is in good nick and transplanted at the right time for her. Without going into all the various steps she has taken (which are shown within the novel), in short, she has set him up based on his match and he bites thanks to his guilty past. Hope that clarifies a little! And thanks so much for the probing questions

I wonder if you should slip a bit of this into the pitch? That is, to add clarity, to illustrate the speculative aspect, as it's interesting, it adds intrigue to the pitch, kind of changing the whole tone of it in a good way.

Wishing you success with it