Blog Post: Throwing in the towel

[From Our Blog]

New blog post by Jake Joy

Throwing in the towel

So, recently I’ve been thinking about giving this writing malarkey the heavy ho.

It’s expensive.

It take’s up a huge amount of my already dwindling time.

And I’m not very successful.

I could live with the first two, but that last one…

What’s the point of pouring all your effort and money into something if you’re not seeing the successes that you want to see?

Which got me thinking. What does success (In the context of self-publishing) actually look like anyway?

Some would argue that success is monetary. That once you start to see a profitable return from your labours you have ‘made it’ as a writer.

Others would say it’s cultivating a following. A vast army of rabid readers eager to read the next instalment and hang on your every X post. They leave reviews as glowing as a supernova.

Others still would say the act of creation itself is success. The very fact you have created a world from nothing is the goal and shows that you are a successful writer. Only 1% of people who start out writing a book ever finish after all*

I think one of the main reasons ennui has set in for me, is because I haven’t defined what success as an author looks like to me.

Is it money that I want? Well yes, obviously, but is that the be all and end all of it? Would I be happy if I churned out a hundred books and lived off the proceeds despite them being poor quality? A book on ‘book marketing’ I read recently extolls this as the goal. Write as much as you can as quickly as you can and sell them as a box set. Ten titles at £10 a pop a hundred times is £1000. Keep doing that forever…

Something in me recoils at that.

So, is it acclaim that I crave? Maybe a little. Who wouldn’t want to be the next *insert well known author here* and receive all the perks that’s come from being a household name? Well, me for one.

I’m an introvert (An autistic introvert at that) so people and I don’t mix very well, and they often walk away from interactions thinking, “He’s a bit odd, isn’t he?”

It causes me a certain level of anxiety and stress I could do without. Sitting on a chair while a reviewer or radio presenter asks me about my books would likely see me implode. I’m not one hundred percent sure I’d give the ‘right’ answers. It’s always very difficult to tell what people expect of you.

So that leaves the act of writing as the goal in and of itself. Which, to me, seems rather defeatist. I was writing anyway, so… if that’s success, then I don’t need to seek readers? I can just write, hone my craft, then stuff it in a drawer, or maybe vanity publish it for myself.

That feels like walking away from the starting blocks before the gun has even gone off.

So, what is success? Even as I sit here typing, I can’t think of a good answer. I sort of want a mixture of all three. I want the money to write full time and quit my horribly stressful job. I want fans; people who love my work and can’t wait for the next one, but not so many that it gets out of hand.

And of course I want the satisfaction of a job well done. To know that what I have created is the best I can do.

At the moment, I don’t feel successful. Selling my books costs me more than I make back, very few people have read my books and signed up to my newsletter (A sign that they probably didn’t enjoy it all that much), and pressure from social media to hire an editor makes me feel that my work is subpar.

A big red cross on all three.

So, I sit here wondering if there’s really any point in continuing. There are a lot of other things I could be doing with my time.

J



*A data point I question considering the vast number of self-published authors on social media.
---

* Like this post? Please share here​

* Start your own blog here​

 

[Sedayne]

Thought-provoking post, Jake. And something most of us can identify with.

It feels cruel that a pursuit that us introverts are naturally drawn to has the odds stacked against in terms of marketing because of our very introversion. It's a tough road getting 'out there' particularly self-publishing, and I greatly admire what you are trying to do. I could no more self-publish and market my writing than I could have this conversation in public. I'll never have 'followers' because who wants to follow a middle aged-woman who doesn't understand normality and is, well, a bit strange.
I would like readers, though. And really, I've only got three of them. I might never gain any more, and I'll have to make peace with that somehow.
So, I get it.
But it's not a reason to stop writing.
If you are a writer, you will write. It's a waste of time and energy to consider not writing. Maybe you'll have a rest from it, but if you really are a writer (and of course you are), you'll write again and enjoy the process.

I want the satisfaction of a job well done. To know that what I have created is the best I can do.

For me, this is the crucial thing. Good writing is worth all the toil for its own sake. Even if nobody ever reads it.

Maybe it's time to let go of expectations (your own and other people's) and make peace with writing for writing's sake, at least for a short while to give yourself a break. You can revisit self-promotion, if it's really what you want to do, when you've restored some energy. But if it makes you unhappy, give that side of things a rest.

Not that my opinion is worth a jot - just musings prompted by your lovely blog post - do what makes you happy; avoid what makes you anxious.

 

[JoanUP]

This reminds me of when I was taking evening art classes, and wondering whether to continue. And the teacher pointed out that artists don't make that decision; art is something an artist has to do. Think of all the people who write diary entries and would be HORRIFIED for someone to read their writing. But that doesn't stop them. It's a need inside of them.

 

[Jake E]

I have always written.
From a very early age (maybe as young as 8),i have put pen to paper - or finger to typewriter/keyboard - and always thought one day I'd make something of it.
But as I approached my 40th trip around the sun, it seems less and less likely that I will see any level of success from my stories.
I will always write, it's just a bit... Depressing that I had to start trying to make a career out of it in the age of AI, Romantasy and Cosy fantasy dominance, and an economy so bad, I've not bought myself a new pair of shoes in over two years.
I put so much effort into making my books good, but it didn't matter. They are not what people want.
Just feels shite.

 

[Rachael Burnett]

I have always written.
From a very early age (maybe as young as 8),i have put pen to paper - or finger to typewriter/keyboard - and always thought one day I'd make something of it.
But as I approached my 40th trip around the sun, it seems less and less likely that I will see any level of success from my stories.
I will always write, it's just a bit... Depressing that I had to start trying to make a career out of it in the age of AI, Romantasy and Cosy fantasy dominance, and an economy so bad, I've not bought myself a new pair of shoes in over two years.
I put so much effort into making my books good, but it didn't matter. They are not what people want.
Just feels shite.

Someone in another writing group that I’m will have her first novel published next year and she’s in her sixties. Added bonus, it’s with Penguin. And so, there’s always hope, but the possibility will only exist if you continue writing. Things change, tastes change, new genres rise, and old ones return.

Quoting a line from Galaxy Quest, ‘Never give up. Never surrender.’

 

[Hannah Faoileán]

Things come in cycles. Romantasy and Cosy Fantasy are just this moment's fashion.

 

[Aethalope]

There's a reason people make flow charts for where to start with Terry Pratchett. His first few books were not where he needed to be.

Keep going!

 

[RK Wallis]

@Jake E I hear you, so much, your thoughts sound like my own 7/8 years ago. It's a painful part of the bell curve writers go through. Back then, I feel I was chasing 'getting something out there.' When I took a chill pill (I literally take ashwaganda every day), I sat back and started enjoying writing for writing, which includes enjoying reading all stages of a writer's journey. Even now, I feel I write books that won't hit a nerve but I enjoy writing them and excel spread-sheeting them, that's what counts.

You have a lot on your plate. Be kind to yourself. I had 3 kids under 3 in my 30s. I had to pause writing for a decade. I had no support and became too tired to fit writing in. I was given no choice to write after my stroke. I have to keep my mind busy and writing is my saviour. When my mojo is weak, I watch a craft vlog about an area of my tool box I could strengthen (there's SO much to learn). That gets me back in the game.

Chin up. Remember Brandon Sanderson was on book 14 when book 6 sold You can't have your own journey if you stop.

 

[Sarit]

Hmmm....I don't expect to make a living from writing. I don't expect to get accolades or to be 'famous'. I don't expect to have a big dedicated following. I will self publish and I'm building my own author platform (attached is a sneak peek). This is my epitaph. My legacy. The IP and the story I will leave my kids. The rest is not up to me. FWIW I did throw in the towel on screenwriting...so I understand where you're coming from.

 

[JohnBertel]

Isn't it common wisdom that most writers have to write several books before they write one that takes off?

For traditionally published writers, most of those first books will never reach readers, simply because no one will publish them. But self-published writers will publish those first attempts. And why not? They may find readers. But while I'm sure we all dream of success for all our books, we probably need to keep our expectations extraordinarily low for those first attempts.

 

[Rich.]

I agree with @JohnBertel. Most people who succeed at anything fail a lot first. And that's really tough, which is why not many succeed. Again, really tough.

Like you, Jake, I've written since I was a kid. But I've only finished one novel. I pitched it around, and it generated some full-manuscript requests, but none of them went anywhere. More significantly though, writing that novel put immense stress on my marriage, and my kids suffered from my not being engaged with them as much as I might. My kids are still young, I'm pretty much a stay-at-home dad, and my wife (to whom I'm still happily married, despite the aforementioned stress) works away a lot, so I just don't have time to write novels at the mo', or even finish much of anything I write -- there are fragments all over the place! Realising that being a novelist would, at best, have to wait, was not easy. Not at all.

The point is, most of us have to fit our writing into the cracks, right? And that takes it toll, especially if you're banking on the writing giving you an escape route from a shitty job. Maybe it will one day. Maybe it will. But in the moments of apparent failure, the best thing to do, I reckon, is what others in this thread have suggested: go back to basics and try to recapture what it is about writing that you love. And after that, yeah, you start again. It's impossible to get away from how tough it is.

Be kind to yourself, Jake. You're doing a hard thing. So take it one step at a time, with appropriate rest and recovery. xx

 

[Robinne Weiss]

Is there are writer who hasn't felt this way? I think it's important to consider why you write and what you want to achieve. There was an episode of the podcast, Writing Excuses, a while back about funding the writing life. The message of the podcast was basically that most authors fund their writing habit by doing other 'author-adjacent' things, and that THAT'S FINE. You're not making a living from your books, so you have a 'day job' that feeds material into your writing, or you give writing workshops, or whatever. The podcast helped me really take a wholistic look at my life to measure success, not just whether the writing was turning a profit.

I teach three days a week--science and maths, mostly, not writing--but my students sit squarely in most of my books' target market. Interacting with kids on a daily basis keeps me grounded in their world so I know how to write for them. My students are a perfect source of beta readers, and they become my biggest fans (and critics, too. You can't please everyone. LOL!). I spend two days a week in my garden or in the mountains, gathering ideas and experiences to feed into my writing. The two days a week I earmark for writing are often taken up by my volunteer work with the Tamariki Book Festival, but that keeps me connected and engaged with other writers, makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger than just my own struggle as an author. Everything I do feeds into my writing, even though it means I don't write as much as I'd like to. I've built the life I need to allow me to write.

And even though my sales are shite, every once in a while I get an email from a reader or a reader's mum (since my readers are generally 8-12 years old) that makes everything worthwhile. To know I have lit a passion for reading in just one child is enough. In a way, writing is a lot like teaching. I will fail as a teacher with many students--but for those with whom I succeed, my work can be life-changing. We have that opportunity as writers, and for me, that's all I need to be 'successful'. (most days ... I have to remind myself of all this on a regular basis, of course. Doubts will creep in, and there are days of despair, but I try to keep them in perspective.)