Reality Check This one stung

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Important! The New Art of the Blurb – Saturday 4th September

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Careful, @AgentPete, with that one you are edging towards my pet hate of all time:
"I did like it. I just didn't like it enough."
I am sworn to seek out and hunt down, relentlessly, the originator of that snappy little line. And when I do identify her/him, I swear I shall ... share some well-chosen words.
It's just good British manners, isn't it?

Like when I used to go on internet dates. I never said to a guy, 'Your sense of humour made me cringe, you smelt of mildew, and that second pint couldn't go down fast enough', because that could have hurt his feelings.

Instead, I'd say, 'I enjoyed meeting you, but didn't like you enough to want a second date,' or, 'I liked you, though there wasn't a strong enough connection.'

That's all agents are doing, surely? I ignore the choice of words; it's always just a NO, padded by polite waffle.
 
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries”
Some guys REALLY DO smell of mildew. I dunno whether it's them, or my nose? An ex-housemate, who was a walking encyclopaedia sort, told me that if you're repelled by someone's smell, it's a sign of clashing genetic weaknesses. Basically, an attempt by nature to stop you mating with them. I find it an interesting thought.
 
Some guys REALLY DO smell of mildew. I dunno whether it's them, or my nose? An ex-housemate, who was a walking encyclopaedia sort, told me that if you're repelled by someone's smell, it's a sign of clashing genetic weaknesses. Basically, an attempt by nature to stop you mating with them. I find it an interesting thought.
Here in Thailand boys and girls think kissing is vaguely disgusting. They sniff and nuzzle each other instead.
 
It's just good British manners, isn't it?

Like when I used to go on internet dates. I never said to a guy, 'Your sense of humour made me cringe, you smelt of mildew, and that second pint couldn't go down fast enough', because that could have hurt his feelings.

Instead, I'd say, 'I enjoyed meeting you, but didn't like you enough to want a second date,' or, 'I liked you, though there wasn't a strong enough connection.'

That's all agents are doing, surely? I ignore the choice of words; it's always just a NO, padded by polite waffle.
I'm sorry. I enjoyed meeting you, but I can't date you again. You have "the funkiest tasting spunk." (Quote from Sex and the City)
 
It's my ten-year anniversary. A whole decade since I last submitted to an agent. I queried hundreds between 2008-2011 and finally decided to take a permanent(?) break from it. I had quite a few bites and came very close to representation once, but unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Rejection isn't fun, but I think what may be worse is becoming accustomed to it. My skin became thicker than a rhino's - to the point it wasn't fun anymore. That's why I took a break from it.

I actually preferred the standard rejections to the ones that got my hopes up. It allowed me to move on quickly, try harder, improve my writing. As mentioned above, it's far more important to dwell less on whether you're good enough and concentrate on how to make your work stand out. We want to make money from our writing, and agents want to make money too. Once you're both on that same page, it should make the whole thing less stressful. And fun!

I self-publish now, it pays the bills. But I do miss that agent chase. Hanging out on Litopia again the last few days is giving me that old query itch again!
 
I actually preferred the standard rejections to the ones that got my hopes up.
My point exactly: if he/she is not going to offer rep, or a critique of sorts, then can the polite rubbish. It is not useful for the writer.
Stick to: "It wasn't right for me/us/this agency/whatever..."
 
Having weighed up why so many rejections, I've come to the conclusion that the agent couldn't see how or where they could sell my book. I don't think the main reason is because a book is crap- many books that are crap have been published. Neither do I believe agents when they say great and wonderful things about my book but with a conclusive no. The reason for a NO or a YES, no matter how agents say it, boils down simply to whether the agent knows where to sell it or not.
 
Recently received this (admittedly seven months after subbing it) - "After much consideration I’ve concluded that I think you’ve got something." The agency's too small and 'super-selective' though which "means there are talented and imaginative authors such as yourself who we just can’t take on."

If it's a form letter, it's the kindest reply I've ever received, and just the fillip I need now on my writing journey.
 
The reason for a NO or a YES, no matter how agents say it, boils down simply to whether the agent knows where to sell it or not.
One of my very earliest – and maybe I should have taken heed then – was: "I liked this but I just can't see who I could sell it to."
 
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Scared yet?

Important! The New Art of the Blurb – Saturday 4th September

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