Report from Warminster, Britain’s Roswell (And UFO-Central for the Western Hemisphere)

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AgentPete

Capo Famiglia
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Location
London UK
“Why are you moving here…?”

I’ve lost count of the number of times puzzled locals have said this to me, in the brief time that we’ve been here (since last Wednesday, to be precise). Locals here are more than friendly. They’re super-nice. It is physically impossible to walk into town – which we do at least three times a day, often more – without making frequent eye contact with twinkly strangers, and then inevitably a cheery “Good Morning! How are you today?” begins the conversation. Coming from central London (“get-out-of-my-effing-way-or-I’ll effing-do-you...” – typical central London unspoken greeting) this new form of address is quite unnerving. I last experienced this degree of love-bombing when I spent an evening with the Moonies. Are Warhamsters occult cultists, too?

Apparently not. This is commonplace for Warminster.

So I explain, we’re here just for the winter. May stay longer, depending. Reason we’re here is it’s a very beautiful if rather overlooked place. Georgian buildings. Clean air, clean water. Safe. Lots of space. Brilliant country walks. And frankly, because it seems to be full of rather nice people like you.

The move here was brutal. I still have the bruises, literally. Turns out that swanky removal companies make their money by over-scheduling and under-delivering. Instead of a 4-person two-day job, it ought to have been a six-person three day job. So I was pressed into service, humping as many boxes as the rest of the crew. Back-breaking, body-wrecking work. And everyone has bruises the length of their arms from vile, over-stuffed cardboard boxes. Close my eyes, I see brown boxes still. Merely two days work for me, but a way of life for them. Nasty, brutal, damaging.

We are awash in a sea of boxes now. Some things have been unpacked, most not. “Have you seen…?” being the most common form of address in our household now.

It will be a few days yet until I’m properly sorted here, so please bear with me just a little longer. Saturday’s Huddle is ON (so much looking forward to it) and Sunday’s Pop-Ups ought to be on, but lots of tests are ongoing.

And as for the UFOs… the Warminster Thing as it was called back when Wiltshire was world-renowned for its crop circles and alien contact… well… a few pints in the local hostelry ought to loosen a tongue or two. Will keep you posted.
 
You can resell the boxes. Should be a nice mkt for them. People will even pay for shipping. They are an ungodly expense. I did cringe when I saw all those large boxes behind you. We learned moving libraries should involve bijoux jewel caskets for books rather than what will hold the most.
 
Are you near the military base? They seem to attract UFO'S:



Sounds like delightful country living otherwise :) Enjoy!
 
Glad the move is over. For now. Hope the fish have settled in.


Where did you get that photo of my dad?

Initially I read this as "you, having a bath, J?" and assumed you knew about his personal hygene habits. Personally I figured him for a shower man.
That would explain a lot about the Swiss... Didnt a Swiss guy write Chariots of the Gods?
 
Are you near the military base? They seem to attract UFO'S:
Hordes of ‘em. Both military bases and UFOs, and yes, they do go together. Coincidence…? I think not!

So here’s my pet crop circle theory (this is the part of the world where they originated). I don’t believe for a moment they were created by two geezers and a piece of wood, which was the conventionally-accepted explanation of a few years ago. They’re far too complex for that and, in any case, the geezers would have been seen.

What I do find suggestive is the development in the circles’ complexity. The first ones were really crude and – coincidence? – look awfully 8-bit to me. But the current generation of designs is extraordinarily complex… 64-bit. The development of crop circle artistry pretty closely parallels the development of computer graphics.

My theory doesn’t explain their origin, but it would bring the cause down from the heavens to more earthly instigators...
 
military bases and UFOs, and yes, they do go together.
Well, the aliens need to keep up with our earthly property market because I live on what used to be an RAF base but was sold off back in 1998, and about a year ago, I saw a ... light which I can only attribute to a spaceship.

That or the Russians need better intel.

must say, I'd rather be attacked by the spaceship.
 
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Hordes of ‘em. Both military bases and UFOs, and yes, they do go together. Coincidence…? I think not!

So here’s my pet crop circle theory (this is the part of the world where they originated). I don’t believe for a moment they were created by two geezers and a piece of wood, which was the conventionally-accepted explanation of a few years ago. They’re far too complex for that and, in any case, the geezers would have been seen.

What I do find suggestive is the development in the circles’ complexity. The first ones were really crude and – coincidence? – look awfully 8-bit to me. But the current generation of designs is extraordinarily complex… 64-bit. The development of crop circle artistry pretty closely parallels the development of computer graphics.

My theory doesn’t explain their origin, but it would bring the cause down from the heavens to more earthly instigators...
It could be computer-savvy wombles pulling the stalks from below rather than cutting them from above. Perhaps they're into ceiling designs. (Or do wombles only live in Wimbledon?)
 
Hordes of ‘em. Both military bases and UFOs, and yes, they do go together. Coincidence…? I think not!

So here’s my pet crop circle theory (this is the part of the world where they originated). I don’t believe for a moment they were created by two geezers and a piece of wood, which was the conventionally-accepted explanation of a few years ago. They’re far too complex for that and, in any case, the geezers would have been seen.

What I do find suggestive is the development in the circles’ complexity. The first ones were really crude and – coincidence? – look awfully 8-bit to me. But the current generation of designs is extraordinarily complex… 64-bit. The development of crop circle artistry pretty closely parallels the development of computer graphics.

My theory doesn’t explain their origin, but it would bring the cause down from the heavens to more earthly instigators...
I remember seeing this a while back. Dave doesn't have the same ring as Merlin or Doug the panache of Zaphod Beeblebrox.
 
Apparently not. This is commonplace for Warminster.
It's common for most of Britain, apart from city centres.
The move here was brutal. I still have the bruises, literally. Turns out that swanky removal companies make their money by over-scheduling and under-delivering. Instead of a 4-person two-day job, it ought to have been a six-person three day job. So I was pressed into service, humping as many boxes as the rest of the crew.
When Bloke and I decided to move to Scotland, we researched removal companies and were shocked by all the one star reviews. It was a choice between doing it all ourselves for 2x £150 van hire, plus fuel, or paying around £1,200 for a company who might actually cancel at last minute, citing overbookings or COVID, or turn up short staffed. We did it ourselves. Three days of hell, though it probably would have been either way. I looked at it as a free workout, as I try to see the positive in challenges.
 
“Why are you moving here…?”

I’ve lost count of the number of times puzzled locals have said this to me, in the brief time that we’ve been here (since last Wednesday, to be precise). Locals here are more than friendly. They’re super-nice. It is physically impossible to walk into town – which we do at least three times a day, often more – without making frequent eye contact with twinkly strangers, and then inevitably a cheery “Good Morning! How are you today?” begins the conversation. Coming from central London (“get-out-of-my-effing-way-or-I’ll effing-do-you...” – typical central London unspoken greeting) this new form of address is quite unnerving. I last experienced this degree of love-bombing when I spent an evening with the Moonies. Are Warhamsters occult cultists, too?

Apparently not. This is commonplace for Warminster.

So I explain, we’re here just for the winter. May stay longer, depending. Reason we’re here is it’s a very beautiful if rather overlooked place. Georgian buildings. Clean air, clean water. Safe. Lots of space. Brilliant country walks. And frankly, because it seems to be full of rather nice people like you.

The move here was brutal. I still have the bruises, literally. Turns out that swanky removal companies make their money by over-scheduling and under-delivering. Instead of a 4-person two-day job, it ought to have been a six-person three day job. So I was pressed into service, humping as many boxes as the rest of the crew. Back-breaking, body-wrecking work. And everyone has bruises the length of their arms from vile, over-stuffed cardboard boxes. Close my eyes, I see brown boxes still. Merely two days work for me, but a way of life for them. Nasty, brutal, damaging.

We are awash in a sea of boxes now. Some things have been unpacked, most not. “Have you seen…?” being the most common form of address in our household now.

It will be a few days yet until I’m properly sorted here, so please bear with me just a little longer. Saturday’s Huddle is ON (so much looking forward to it) and Sunday’s Pop-Ups ought to be on, but lots of tests are ongoing.

And as for the UFOs… the Warminster Thing as it was called back when Wiltshire was world-renowned for its crop circles and alien contact… well… a few pints in the local hostelry ought to loosen a tongue or two. Will keep you posted.

(“get-out-of-my-effing-way-or-I’ll effing-do-you...” reminds me of my beautiful Birmingham, he, he!

Seriously, I hope you get things sorted soon and recover from the back-breaking work of moving (ouch!). I've recently discovered Litopia and Pop-up Submissions and we NEED you, but don't kill yourself! It will all be here waiting for you when you're ready. You clearly have a good team and a supportive colony.

P.S. perhaps the locals are aliens in disguise, and that's why they're so unusually friendly...hmmm...could there be a book idea in this?
 
(“get-out-of-my-effing-way-or-I’ll effing-do-you...” reminds me of my beautiful Birmingham, he, he!

Seriously, I hope you get things sorted soon and recover from the back-breaking work of moving (ouch!). I've recently discovered Litopia and Pop-up Submissions and we NEED you, but don't kill yourself! It will all be here waiting for you when you're ready. You clearly have a good team and a supportive colony.

P.S. perhaps the locals are aliens in disguise, and that's why they're so unusually friendly...hmmm...could there be a book idea in this?
There are no aliens left in the UK. Brexit.o_O
 
It's common for most of Britain, apart from city centres.

When Bloke and I decided to move to Scotland, we researched removal companies and were shocked by all the one star reviews. It was a choice between doing it all ourselves for 2x £150 van hire, plus fuel, or paying around £1,200 for a company who might actually cancel at last minute, citing overbookings or COVID, or turn up short staffed. We did it ourselves. Three days of hell, though it probably would have been either way. I looked at it as a free workout, as I try to see the positive in challenges.
AND they must pay their actual crew a shite part of the take. In 1998 the moving company was a no show -and w HAD to move that day. Went down to the pub and offered the amount that would have been paid out to anyone who could come up with 4 mates who could do the job without hassle or fuss. This was the movie with the dogs locking themselves and the baby in the car on a hot July day. The motley crew sorted us in a way that money cant even buy.
 
AND they must pay their actual crew a shite part of the take. In 1998 the moving company was a no show -and w HAD to move that day. Went down to the pub and offered the amount that would have been paid out to anyone who could come up with 4 mates who could do the job without hassle or fuss. This was the movie with the dogs locking themselves and the baby in the car on a hot July day. The motley crew sorted us in a way that money cant even buy.
One time, my flatmate and I went to the pub and offered a free pint to anyone who could help us lug an upright piano up the stairs and into the flat for us. We ended up with four guys: two to carry, two to shout contradictory instructions. After much joviality mixed with nail-biting, the piano was in its place in the living room and the six of us were back in the pub.
 
I'm really drunk right now. I'm not quite blotto...but autocorrect is making me sound way more coherent than I've any right to be.

With that said...the idea that extraterrestrials are visiting Earth right now is utter bunkum. Crop circles are a hoax. I can guarantee that 110% of them are human in origin. There are WAY more efficient and effective ways an alien species could communicate with humans.

I'd love to know that aliens are visiting us. But my engineer brain just can't see any evidence of that.
 
It's not that they are "strange" in Warminster, it's people in the city that are in-human and the changeover is palpable. Can't wait for the huddle this afternoon- want to see the bruises too- if they are in a place where they may be visualized.
 
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Ah, Warminster.... I lived in neighbouring Westbury for a while. I guess West Wiltshire gets overshadowed by its more famous neighbours, Bath and Box (it's a very domestic area, hence the place names). And I highly recommend a trip to my namesake city of Salisbury, 40 minutes away.
Another tip: the Trowbridge Village Pump festival (if it's still going...) one of the most underrated and best folk music festivals in the UK (if you like that sort of music...which I do!) You're also in a handy area to attend the fantastic WOMAD festival, which takes place at Charlton Park, just outside Malmesbury every July.
See you there when we do our annual summer trip back to Blighty, eh Peter?!
Good luck with the rest of the move. Put arnica on those bruises. :)
 
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