Amusement productivity stolen by a finch-like felon...

Won't take you long, should make you laugh

'Insensitivity Reader' - interview with Lionel Shriver

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Brooke

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Mar 3, 2023
Georgia
writing/working time today was unfortunately surrendered when i got home, on account of the fact that i was apparently scheduled for a three-hour wild goose chase.
okay, not so much "goose" as "finch". in my house. flying around and not leaving.
for three hours.

things my family has done in an effort to get william the finch (named by me) out of our house:
-swatting at him with a broom
-opening the doors really wide
-shining a super bright light at him
-made stupid bird calls that sounded more like dying cats
-my stepmom made a makeshift net out of a wire hanger and a sheet
-swatting at him with every long stick we can find
-yelling at him
-asking him politely
-yelling at him some more
-throwing stale bread at him (my dog ate half of it)
-trapping him in a net

injuries:
-stepmom fell off half a ladder
-hit myself in the head with a long metal rod about twelve times
-got stale bread in my eye after tossing it directly upward because i can't aim
-possibly rabies
-emotional damage upon stressing about hurting a poor little pudgy finch :')
-gigantic, eye-scorchingly bright light shined directly into my eyes (they were indeed scorched)
-assorted scratches from my dog who went feral with delight at the sight of the bird
-not an injury, but got mud all over my brand new clothes because i had to crawl in the dirt to get the pole from under the patio deck... youngest one in the house does the dirty work!
-also, that cardinal on the outside who ran into the window three times trying to get inside was hopefully okay (though evidently very stupid)

[disclaimer: no birds were injured in the making of this post, or in the three hours preceding the making of this post...]

all in all, very good day. thank you william the finch for this entertainment. has given me a lot of story ideas!
 
But was it a finch-like felon or a felon-like finch? These are small but critical distinctions…
i'd say a felon-like finch, but honestly, i think it was equal parts felon as it was finch! wonder if i could get a lawyer against a bird...
 
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Won't take you long, should make you laugh

'Insensitivity Reader' - interview with Lionel Shriver

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