Out of the mouths of babes

[Rich.]

So, I'm sitting with my eldest (who's four) and we're reading a book about human prehistory, packed full of lively illustrations of homo habilis, erectus, etc, etc.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Why haven't the boys got willies?"

And so it was. Every drawing had a cunningly placed spear or fish or branch or thigh – not a penis in sight.

"Well," I said, "that's right. They're all covered up. But I'm sure they've got them."

I'm certain there's no better example of cultural baggage, and neither is there anyone who challenges my own prejudices and preconceptions more than my kids.

Just thought I'd share.

 

[Emily]

My children are concerned about all things willies and bums (when they aren't obsessing about Minecraft and Roman walls and such things), and it doesn't necessarily improve with age, even though the language does become more creative with an extravagant use of innuendo and puns (my older three are 20, 17 and 14). This kind of thing (covering up genitals as though they are something to be ashamed of!) has been a matter of conversation regularly over the years. My daughter received a "Ken" doll (Barbie's soulmate ) when she was five or six and insisted he wasn't a man because of the lack of a penis and drew nipples on any Barbie she could find. My mother was appalled!

 

[Katie-Ellen]

Hehe. It could have been worse. She could have scribbled pubic hair.

 

[Emily]

Hehe. It could have been worse. She could have scribbled pubic hair.

Actually, yes, I'm astounded she didn't do that, but maybe they were saved by the underwear they have printed on. Ken was subjected to a distinctly pube-like beard, so maybe she was working up to that...

 

[Katie-Ellen]

Do they? Have underwear printed on? Eeeeh. They never had that in my day, or when mine were small.

My sisters and I had Action Man, three variants, and all had, not a willy, obviously, but no printed underwear either; a sort of modelling that made the morphology clear enough.

I had John Wayne plus saddle guns and horse - a palomino.

My sisters had Parachute Man and Diving Man. Diving Man was swum in the bath till he turned mouldy (and yes he did, plastic or not, he had that fuzzy-felt cap of 'hair)' Parachute Man was thrown out of the bedroom window and landed hanging on a telegraph wire ...very WW11 action film.
Cue my poor stepfather, standing on a chair in the middle of the street, poking him down with a broom.

Good job we lived on a cul- de- sac.

 

[Emily]

Yes, well, more moulding really that looks like underwear (seam lines etc).

Ken is a little lacking in the willy department, a vague protrusion... We had one Action Man (we still have him but he lost half a leg along the way) He was probably the most fought -and sought- after (he had a green biker jacket: so cool)

@Katie-Ellen, this post brings up all sorts of longings in me!!! A John Wayne doll plus guns plus a palomino?! Wow, Doll-Goals right there

And your step-father and the broom: that made me lol!! What great memories those Action Men gave you!!

 

[Paul Whybrow]

In a lot of adult novels, the characters don't have genitalia...at least, they're not named. The naming of 'parts' is exercising me mightily at the moment, as I'm about to write a love-making scene in my fifth Cornish Detective novel, with my hero going horizontal with a woman for the first time in eight years.

I've read several crime novels this year, featuring sex scenes, in which the operational parts of the anatomy remain anonymous! Also, the male has a pair of magic trousers, which undo their own zip fly and lower themselves to the floor...all without him touching them—I've looked on eBay and Amazon for a pair, but with no luck.

It's very strange to me, how authors are happy to describe weaponry and gory fights, but become coy when cocks and pussies appear!

 

[Amber]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure there's some sort of formula where my actual social liberalism can be multiplied by a factor of my son's age so as to determine the resultant social conservatism. Standard deviation maybe ... or perhaps just deviance. Then that can be put on a chart, forming sort of a sloped shape with little change when he was first born (because.... he didn't know what I was doing or thinking anyway) and an increase as he became more aware of what I was doing (or might be doing) and yet still wasn't responsible for himself and so needed protection from my own radical ways because it ain't easy in a society with a radical and a puritan streak to sort such things out... and at the end of the day, I have a man child who nevertheless, was fooled very little at all. Keeping my mouth shut never was my strong suit. It seems I leak. I'm a leaker... as they would say. Bless our hearts.

So, even though I sent him to daycare with the word penis and he returned from daycare murmuring 'weewee', it seems he turned out just as weird as I ever hoped and feared he might be.

 

[Amber]

Hehe. It could have been worse. She could have scribbled pubic hair.

Girls don't have bodyhair anymore.

 

[Amber]

In a lot of adult novels, the characters don't have genitalia...at least, they're not named. The naming of 'parts' is exercising me mightily at the moment, as I'm about to write a love-making scene in my fifth Cornish Detective novel, with my hero going horizontal with a woman for the first time in eight years.

I've read several crime novels this year, featuring sex scenes, in which the operational parts of the anatomy remain anonymous! Also, the male has a pair of magic trousers, which undo their own zip fly and lower themselves to the floor...all without him touching them—I've looked on eBay and Amazon for a pair, but with no luck.

It's very strange to me, how authors are happy to describe weaponry and gory fights, but become coy when cocks and pussies appear!

I suggest using C words in every situation.

 

[Rich.]

My sisters and I had Action Man...

We had one Action Man...

Action man! Yes, indeed! I sometimes do eagle-eyes myself, just for the nostalgia factor (and it makes the kids laugh when I wiggle the toggle in the back of my head).

It's very strange to me, how authors are happy to describe weaponry and gory fights, but become coy when cocks and pussies appear!

I fear it's the old authors-are-still-a-product-of-the-society-that-shaped-them problem. If we wanna change it, we have to write the words (sometimes new words).

American girls don't have bodyhair anymore.

Fixed.

I suggest using C words in every situation.

Choo-choo!

That's what you meant, right?

 

[Katie-Ellen]

I suggest using C words in every situation.

LOL.


Re 'scribble'. Every style goes here, though bare as an egg is definitely on trend with the young girls. I think it may be different in France (?) Long long ago, English sailors used to complain of the lack of a comfy little landing mat when visiting professional beauties of the Far East. And I'm sure those beauties had some grumbles of their own. Eh, we're a funny kind of animal.

And here we were, contemplating the innocent directness of the babes.

 

[Amber]

Action man! Yes, indeed! I sometimes do eagle-eyes myself, just for the nostalgia factor (and it makes the kids laugh when I wiggle the toggle in the back of my head).


I fear it's the old authors-are-still-a-product-of-the-society-that-shaped-them problem. If we wanna change it, we have to write the words (sometimes new words).


Fixed.


Choo-choo!

That's what you meant, right?

No Rich. I meant CUNT. I say it all the time now. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.

I don't know if you know this but Americans are quite precious about the use of the word cunt. I aim to singlehandedly reverse the bias.

 

[Amber]

@Rich.

Amber said:
American girls don't have bodyhair anymore.
Fixed.

It took me longer than I'd like to admit to notice what you'd done.

 

[Rich.]

Most of the English speaking world is precious about the word cunt, I reckon. I once attended a performance of The Vagina Monologues and part-way through, the performers had us all chanting, 'cunt, cunt, CUNT!' at the top of our lungs – reclaiming the word (although, being one of the few men in the crowd, I did feel that it wasn't really for me to reclaim – I felt, perhaps wrongly, like a privileged (tolerated?) spectator among the target audience).

 

[Rich.]

And here we were, contemplating the innocent directness of the babes.

I know! Oh how quickly these things evolve...

 

[Katie-Ellen]

Oh, it's such a prize insult, we should teach it to our 2 year olds, and I'm sure many do, to get them suitably equipped for school. Funny though, how ambisextrously it works, that word. Calling a man a cunt works perfectly meaningfully, but why does it, when it just doesn't work the same calling a woman a cock or a bell- end?

 

[Amber]

Oh, it's such a prize insult, we should teach it to our 2 year olds, and I'm sure many do, to get them suitably equipped for school. Funny though, how ambisextrously it works, that word. Calling a man a cunt works perfectly meaningfully, but why does it, when it just doesn't work the same calling a woman a cock or a bell- end?

Negative connotations of being a female sex organ where they're considered bad or weak. I suppose dicks and pricks are always considered strongly dickish ... or strongly prickish.

Trevor Noah did a great monologue on how he didn't understand why calling someone a pussy was an insult because vaginas were stronger than anything in the world, ever. I can't find the monologue on YouTube though.

 

[Emily]

@Amber, a farmer neighbour of ours whose bullocks (bovines rather than bollocks in case you read that incorrectly!) frequently didn't behave as their owner wished them to, would stand at our back fence shouting at those cuntin' bastardin' bastards of cunts. My wee lad decided to try out this particular delightful mouthful at the birthday party of friends of ours: American (even worse- Born-Again Christians. His timing!) who were *not* impressed. I think they blamed the verbal torrent on me who, as much as I try to temper it, frequently find my language peppered with all sorts of vibrant profanities, and didn't believe my farmer story at all.

 

[Paul Whybrow]

Trevor Noah kind of stole his comment from Betty White, best known for The Golden Girls:

Then, there's the old joke about how when two toddlers are comparing what they've got between their legs, the little boy, who's very proud of his willy, consoles his sister with "Perhaps when you grow up, you'll get one." The little girl proudly declares, "Mummy said, that when I'm grown, I can get as many of those as I like!"

 

[Katie-Ellen]

@Amber, a farmer neighbour of ours whose bullocks (bovines rather than bollocks in case you read that incorrectly!) frequently didn't behave as their owner wished them to, would stand at our back fence shouting at those cuntin' bastardin' bastards of cunts. My wee lad decided to try out this particular delightful mouthful at the birthday party of friends of ours: American (even worse- Born-Again Christians. His timing!) who were *not* impressed. I think they blamed the verbal torrent on me who, as much as I try to temper it, frequently find my language peppered with all sorts of vibrant profanities, and didn't believe my farmer story at all.

H-o-w-l!!!!

Priceless.

Love it that they were born again Christians. Me very very awful and bad.

 

[Katie-Ellen]

Since I like to write speculative fiction and that mostly involves taking present-day trends and making them more extreme, I now feel that I need to write a paragraph in which two characters use futuristic methods to prepare their bodies for an intimate encounter. I've heard of vajazzling with rhinestones and whatnot, but what about spray-on stenciled patterns for men and women. Could they get a partner look? Perhaps flames or a flower or a tree would fit nicely down there, and for the man.. the options are too funny to put into words. In the waiting room, a lady tells the lovers, "Avoid the glitter. It chafes."

Elephant trunk for the man?

Ears stencilled either side.

Matchy-matchy...man and woman....too smug for words, lol.

@Rich -you scandalous man. Look what you started, lol.

 

[Amber]

@Amber, a farmer neighbour of ours whose bullocks (bovines rather than bollocks in case you read that incorrectly!) frequently didn't behave as their owner wished them to, would stand at our back fence shouting at those cuntin' bastardin' bastards of cunts. My wee lad decided to try out this particular delightful mouthful at the birthday party of friends of ours: American (even worse- Born-Again Christians. His timing!) who were *not* impressed. I think they blamed the verbal torrent on me who, as much as I try to temper it, frequently find my language peppered with all sorts of vibrant profanities, and didn't believe my farmer story at all.

Yeah Americans have a Puritan streak. It's really nasty.

I'm not sure what a bullocks... a type of cow I'm guessing.

I told my son that curse words were just words and let him use them. I can't say I loved the results of that decision. Fast forward three years and he gets a ticket in school for using a curse word in class. I was the one who had to take him to court.

 

[Katie-Ellen]

Let the men have 'the Hollywood' and be 'more pwetty.'

'Hair Wars' - 'Hot Wax Rebellion- dystopia....good idea....hehehehe