Carol Rose
Basic
This goes along with the post on Filter Words, so be sure to have a look at that one, too.
There are times when we find it difficult to create the sense of emotion between our characters and the readers that we're striving for, or when we're told our writing is too much tell, not enough show. But what does that actually mean, and how do we fix it?
Simply put, TELL is when we spoon-feed our readers, word-by-word, pulling them along and TELLING them how to feel, what to think, and what is going on.
SHOW is when we describe that same scene to them using the five senses. It's when we put them squarely in that scene with the character, and allow them to live out the emotion along with that character. It's a more visual, stimulating experience for them, and I guarantee that if you master this, your readers will keep turning pages, will not want the book to end, and will line up to buy your next one.
Example:
"I want you out of this house!" she shouted angrily. She was so mad at him! How dare he speak to her like that?
Nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but it's boring and flat. You've told your reader she's angry, and the dialogue tag is redundant because really, if someone is shouting, they are usually angry or trying to get your attention for another reason. Even the exposition is boring. It's spoon-feeding your reader. "Okay ... now she's pissed off. See how I told you that? Now feel that, okay? Good reader."
Do we see this in best-selling, published books? I'm sorry to say, yes we do. Does that mean we should lazy-up and dumb-down our writing to do this all the way through? Well, your call, but personally, when I read books written like this, I don't bother with that author again. Because really, it takes ZERO skill to write this way.
Let's rewrite that sentence, first staying in third person POV, and then switching to first person POV, to illustrate SHOW, and how you can use a POV switch to help you re-craft a scene from blah to WOW.
Her hands clenched into fists. With an effort, she pinned them to her sides. "I want you out of this house." She'd never struck another human being in her life, but she'd be damned if looking at his smug grin didn't make her want to smack it off his face.
We don't even need the exclamation point because now we see her anger without being told "she's angry." We feel it in the clenched fists and in her effort to keep from punching him. We've added the smug grin to capture the emotion of anger that's met with sarcasm or humor, and we've done that without stating the obvious. It's inferred, which makes it a more visceral emotion.
In fact, if you think of TELL as stating the obvious, rather than giving them subtle clues so they reach that conclusion on their own, that might help with the concept of SHOW versus TELL.
But let's say you're still struggling with the original sentence. Take it out of third person for a moment. Not saying you will keep it in the finished manuscript that way. This is only to help you get a handle on rewriting it as show instead of tell.
"I want you out of this house!" I shouted angrily. I was so mad at him! How dare he speak to me like that?
Reads kinda awkwardly, doesn't it? There's something so glaringly obvious about writing a scene in first person that brings all those clunky sentence structure issues to light.
Here's the SHOW example, staying in first person for now:
My hands clenched into fists. With an effort, I pinned them to my sides. "I want you out of this house." I'd never struck another human being in my life, but I'd be damned if looking at his smug grin didn't make me want to smack it off his face.
WOW. Big difference, no? You can feel the emotion. You own hands might clench. Your heart rate might increase a bit. You can see him standing there, grinning at her when it's obvious she's really upset with him. You may even want to smack him, too.
Easy to take that above, switch the pronouns from I, me, and my to she and her, and you have your rewritten sentence in SHOW instead of TELL.
The next time you find yourself stuck, or you receive critique that points out you're telling versus showing, take the scene and rewrite it in first person POV. You'll easily see where you can make it stronger and more emotional, without pointing out the obvious to your readers.
There are times when we find it difficult to create the sense of emotion between our characters and the readers that we're striving for, or when we're told our writing is too much tell, not enough show. But what does that actually mean, and how do we fix it?
Simply put, TELL is when we spoon-feed our readers, word-by-word, pulling them along and TELLING them how to feel, what to think, and what is going on.
SHOW is when we describe that same scene to them using the five senses. It's when we put them squarely in that scene with the character, and allow them to live out the emotion along with that character. It's a more visual, stimulating experience for them, and I guarantee that if you master this, your readers will keep turning pages, will not want the book to end, and will line up to buy your next one.
Example:
"I want you out of this house!" she shouted angrily. She was so mad at him! How dare he speak to her like that?
Nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but it's boring and flat. You've told your reader she's angry, and the dialogue tag is redundant because really, if someone is shouting, they are usually angry or trying to get your attention for another reason. Even the exposition is boring. It's spoon-feeding your reader. "Okay ... now she's pissed off. See how I told you that? Now feel that, okay? Good reader."
Do we see this in best-selling, published books? I'm sorry to say, yes we do. Does that mean we should lazy-up and dumb-down our writing to do this all the way through? Well, your call, but personally, when I read books written like this, I don't bother with that author again. Because really, it takes ZERO skill to write this way.
Let's rewrite that sentence, first staying in third person POV, and then switching to first person POV, to illustrate SHOW, and how you can use a POV switch to help you re-craft a scene from blah to WOW.
Her hands clenched into fists. With an effort, she pinned them to her sides. "I want you out of this house." She'd never struck another human being in her life, but she'd be damned if looking at his smug grin didn't make her want to smack it off his face.
We don't even need the exclamation point because now we see her anger without being told "she's angry." We feel it in the clenched fists and in her effort to keep from punching him. We've added the smug grin to capture the emotion of anger that's met with sarcasm or humor, and we've done that without stating the obvious. It's inferred, which makes it a more visceral emotion.
In fact, if you think of TELL as stating the obvious, rather than giving them subtle clues so they reach that conclusion on their own, that might help with the concept of SHOW versus TELL.
But let's say you're still struggling with the original sentence. Take it out of third person for a moment. Not saying you will keep it in the finished manuscript that way. This is only to help you get a handle on rewriting it as show instead of tell.
"I want you out of this house!" I shouted angrily. I was so mad at him! How dare he speak to me like that?
Reads kinda awkwardly, doesn't it? There's something so glaringly obvious about writing a scene in first person that brings all those clunky sentence structure issues to light.
Here's the SHOW example, staying in first person for now:
My hands clenched into fists. With an effort, I pinned them to my sides. "I want you out of this house." I'd never struck another human being in my life, but I'd be damned if looking at his smug grin didn't make me want to smack it off his face.
WOW. Big difference, no? You can feel the emotion. You own hands might clench. Your heart rate might increase a bit. You can see him standing there, grinning at her when it's obvious she's really upset with him. You may even want to smack him, too.
Easy to take that above, switch the pronouns from I, me, and my to she and her, and you have your rewritten sentence in SHOW instead of TELL.
The next time you find yourself stuck, or you receive critique that points out you're telling versus showing, take the scene and rewrite it in first person POV. You'll easily see where you can make it stronger and more emotional, without pointing out the obvious to your readers.
