For those who watched yesterdays Pop-up and are willing to offer their thoughts.

[S.T Stevens]

Hi,
So the penultimate reading was mine and I'm looking for some advice on what to do, while also giving a little context to the character.

I'm very much the kind of writer who loves feedback regardless of how negative, and I use that constructively when it comes to writing, so anything you can say would be awesome and greatly appreciated.

I want to first address the age of the character. You were all right, he is five. He's also a genius, a fact I realise wasn't mentioned in the first 700 words. He is articulate in mechanics and mathematics, but it's not something that I explain until later in the book. Should I mention this earlier?
Next, the atmospheric vibe I give off in the first chapter is suspended simply because it's a dark moment for Alex. The feel doesn't continue on in the story, regardless of how dark it is. Should I make a different prologue that covers before his parents die, just so the reader can understand the tone of the story before it gets in the dark scene?
Finally, I want to say thank you to Litopia for reading it, I really appreciate it. I wish I could have watched it live and maybe have weighed in in the comments, but it was 2am in South Korea and I'd just run a marathon and there was no way I could have stayed awake!

If anyone is interested in reading the first two chapters of the story, I'm happy to post it for your consideration.

Sorry if I'm using the forum wrong, but thank you for reading and extra thanks if you're able to say a thing or two that can help me.

S.T

 

[Nikky Lee]

First of all, hats off for running a marathon! That's seriously impressive!

I want to first address the age of the character. You were all right, he is five. He's also a genius, a fact I realise wasn't mentioned in the first 700 words. He is articulate in mechanics and mathematics, but it's not something that I explain until later in the book. Should I mention this earlier?

I did feel that there were some concepts in your piece that a five-year-old character probably wouldn't understand. Recognising a concussion for what it was, for instance, and light polution. However, mentioning that he's a genius might help to suspend disbelief a bit further. If not adding it into the first 700 words, I'd definitely consider mentioning it early in the piece.

Next, the atmospheric vibe I give off in the first chapter is suspended simply because it's a dark moment for Alex. The feel doesn't continue on in the story, regardless of how dark it is. Should I make a different prologue that covers before his parents die, just so the reader can understand the tone of the story before it gets in the dark scene?

I actually really liked the opening atmosphere! This is what grabbed me when I listened to it, so I'd wouldn't worry too much. YA can and is often quite dark at times, so unless the rest of the piece is a light-hearted comedy, I see no reason to change it (imho)

If you have access to the Writing Groups then I'd recommend putting the opening up in there for people to give you more in-depth feedback.

 

[S.T Stevens]

Without sounding silly, how do I get into the Writing Groups?

And thank you. I really appreciate this.

 

[Nikky Lee]

I think you have to have been in the collony for a week and have commented/posted ~20 times to get access. Some of the veteran members might be able to confirm as I'm somewhat newish as well

 

[S.T Stevens]

Awesome. Thank you.
I don’t know how it works in forums, but I hope to see you around!

 

[Rich.]

Without sounding silly, how do I get into the Writing Groups?

I think you have to have been in the collony for a week and have commented/posted ~20 times to get access. Some of the veteran members might be able to confirm as I'm somewhat newish as well

That's right! You must have been a member for at least a week and have posted at least 20 times to get access to the Writing Groups. Once you meet these requirments, the Groups will appear on the forum homepage.

@S.T Stevens, as I write this, you meet the first requirement (you've been here since August), but you haven't yet posted 20 times – you're currently at 13. I suggest you jump into a couple of threads and join the conversations.

 

[S.T Stevens]

Thanks dude! Appreciated!

S

 

[S.T Stevens]

Five-year-old minds are so weird even if they aren't geniuses. They think they know things that you don't know and it is really funny to encounter their expertise. Mine would bring me slips of paper and dictate "truths" for me to write down and then she would hide the slips of paper all over the house. The papers would say things like, "There is no good or bad or medium, it is all the same." It was bizarre. Or, she would give me a "love letter" and warn me that if I didn't do what she said, she would take the love letter away. And then there was her effort at 'family counseling'. If my husband and I were arguing, she would look at us both and sigh with emphatic exasperation and explain to us with wisdom far beyond her years, "if you keep acting like this, we will not be a happy family." From the mouths of babes..
They are always explaining things to themselves and sometimes they are right and sometimes they are laughably wrong. When she was younger than 5, maybe 3, she drew a diagram of how she thought the sewer system connected to the bathtub. To make your five-year-old genius seem more ordinary, he could make funny explanations for things based on first principles. For example, instead of light pollution, a technical word, he might think, 'I can't see stars if I turn on the light in my bedroom, so why would city light be any different?'
(you did a great job of creating a menacing atmosphere in the story. that was really effective, and I interpreted that the voice in the child's head was not part of the child, so it would make sense if it said adult things, like 'concussion', but I wouldn't expect the child to understand them. I saw the child as a sort of vessel inhabited by an evil spirit.)

This is so helpful! I love this forum

 

[Amber]

I'd really like to read it if you post it in the writing groups. I thought you used some really great language. I am sure I rambled on in an somewhat aimless way about how I thought it was illogical but truthfully I'd have to read it again to be sure. I'm not altogether sure I was right.

 

[S.T Stevens]

I'd really like to read it if you post it in the writing groups. I thought you used some really great language. I am sure I rambled on in a somewhat aimless way about how I thought it was illogical but truthfully I'd have to read it again to be sure. I'm not altogether sure I was right.

I'll put it on there when I've made enough posts to earn my way in!
Thank you for showing an interest!

S

 

[Emily]

@S.T Stevens , I read your work, thank you for that opportunity! I really liked it, think there is so much good stuff in there, but I also didn't get that it was a 5-year-old either. I think what @Kirsten said above is spot on.

We did have a five-year-old genius, and while his understanding, vocabulary, and articulation were way beyond his years, he was still a little five-year-old boy, with the emotional vulnerability of one much younger. I think it all balances out: a person who is an academic genius often compensates by having an overwhelming emotional response/sensitivity of someone younger; or perhaps won't have the physical dexterity assumed for that age etc (if that makes sense. I'm sick today, so my brain is a bit befuddled. I may have to come back and edit when I'm less scattered )

 

[S.T Stevens]

@S.T Stevens , I read your work, thank you for that opportunity! I really liked it, think there is so much good stuff in there, but I also didn't get that it was a 5-year-old either. I think what @Kirsten said above is spot on.

We did have a five-year-old genius, and while his understanding, vocabulary, and articulation were way beyond his years, he was still a little five-year-old boy, with the emotional vulnerability of one much younger. I think it all balances out: a person who is an academic genius often compensates by having an overwhelming emotional response/sensitivity of someone younger; or perhaps won't have the physical dexterity assumed for that age etc (if that makes sense. I'm sick today, so my brain is a bit befuddled. I may have to come back and edit when I'm less scattered )

That makes sense. Thank you!

S

 

[KateESal]

Hi S.T.

Various friends who have worked in special needs schools are of the opinion that everyone can be said to be on the Autistic Spectrum to a greater or lesser degree (in fact, autistic friends of mine tend to agree). Ultimately, the autistic spectrum is a measure of how somebody veers away from what is considered to be as set of "neuro-typical" characteristics and really, are any of us truly "neuro-typical"..?

Anyway, the point is that younger children - whether considered to have ASD or not - often exhibit a number of characteristics that could be considered as "on the spectrum". Not being able to accurately "read" other people's emotions or social situations, for example. Misinterpreting things that are said to them by understanding them too literally etc.

I don't know whether you envisage Alex as having ASD or not (that's not actually the point I'm meandering towards), but I find it often helps when writing young children convincingly is to remember that their minds - brilliant or otherwise - are very unformed and the way they think and process events is usually very different to older children, teenagers and adults.

It might be an approach worth considering, anyway.

 

[S.T Stevens]

I’m wholly aware of ASD’s and LD’s as a whole, having worked in the industry for years.
I honestly considered going down the personality disorder road, because I think they need to be humanized. I noted in my time that all understandings from my ‘normie’ friends were negative. However, I don’t want to overexplain these things, you know? Like, I want my readers to make their own decisions regarding the characters placement on the spectrum.
Not sure if I should though. I was considering a HFA at one point too, but I couldn’t decide.

S

 

[KateESal]

I’m wholly aware of ASD’s and LD’s as a whole, having worked in the industry for years.
I honestly considered going down the personality disorder road, because I think they need to be humanized. I noted in my time that all understandings from my ‘normie’ friends were negative. However, I don’t want to overexplain these things, you know? Like, I want my readers to make their own decisions regarding the characters placement on the spectrum.
Not sure if I should though. I was considering a HFA at one point too, but I couldn’t decide.

It's an interesting area and having sympathetic MCs with LDs can indeed help humanize them.

I wasn't suggesting Alex SHOULD have ASD or an LD, but your own knowledge of the area could be used to help make Alex's young age more convincing to the average reader. Because you could employ some of the ASD characteristics that are labelled as such in, say, teenagers but are often exhibited by younger, neuro-typical children purely because of their under-developed brain processing powers. Misreading social situations and taking things very literally (for example) are classic things young children do, including those who are academically advanced. Making Alex a bit less perspicacious might help make his young age sit more easily with a reader (computer ability and early trauma notwithstanding).

It's a tricky balance to get right, but it certainly adds up to an intriguing and layered MC.

 

[S.T Stevens]

It's an interesting area and having sympathetic MCs with LDs can indeed help humanize them.

I wasn't suggesting Alex SHOULD have ASD or an LD, but your own knowledge of the area could be used to help make Alex's young age more convincing to the average reader. Because you could employ some of the ASD characteristics that are labelled as such in, say, teenagers but are often exhibited by younger, neuro-typical children purely because of their under-developed brain processing powers. Misreading social situations and taking things very literally (for example) are classic things young children do, including those who are academically advanced. Making Alex a bit less perspicacious might help make his young age sit more easily with a reader (computer ability and early trauma notwithstanding).

It's a tricky balance to get right, but it certainly adds up to an intriguing and layered MC.

Definitely going to have to give it a good try. I'll repost the prologue when I've edited it and hopefully gage the reaction.

S