Fake it till you Make it: Impostor Syndrome

[Paul Whybrow]

Even the most famous of creative artists have their doubts about what they do, and when starting out as a writer it's hard to generate self-belief. My attitude is, that if you've had an idea for a story and you've made a start at putting it down, then you're a writer. You've already done loads more than those who keep the idea captive in their mind.

Trying to get the publishing world to believe in you is another matter. And, as for making readers loyal fans, who think of you as one of their favourite authors, that notion appears to be out of the realm of possibilities when starting out. Impostor syndrome manifests itself in various ways, including overworking, perfectionism leading to an obsession with details, undermining what you've achieved and discounting praise. Fear of failure haunts you.

The highest of achievers continue to doubt themselves. Maya Angelou confessed:

"I have written 11 books, but each time I think, 'Uh-oh, they're going to find [me] out now."

Neil Gaiman wondered if he had real talent or had he just been lucky? Then he encountered another famous Neil:

Neil Gaiman has the perfect anecdote to soothe anyone with imposter syndrome

Perhaps having doubts is proof of your own wisdom, showing a balance that's lacking in fantasists and psychopaths. Watching any television talent show will prove how delusional some people can be. Bertrand Russell reflected,

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

It's a sad fact of life, that in publishing your writing isn't going to be recognised as worthy unless it sells to readers. This doesn't mean to say that bestsellers are great literature, but if your finely-honed manuscript is languishing in the bottom drawer, then impostor syndrome will start to grow on you like grey mould on overripe fruit!

After four years of writing and making 400 submissions, I've learned to turn any rejection and doubt into ammunition for my creativity. That could be labelled 'self-belief'— though, I'm simply aware that I can tell a good story—I've got the gift of the gab. When I'm feeling down, I recall the advice given by Henry Ford, who was not the nicest of men, but who knew about grim determination:

Do any of you feel like fakes?

What validates your life as a writer—the praise of friends and family—publication in a journal or being long-listed in a competition?

Is being a writer your darkest secret, only to be revealed when you're finally published?

 

[Patricia D]

yes

 

[Matnov]

No.

I have written novels that people have enjoyed reading. For me it is that simple. I am a novelist. I have created something that will live on after I die. A creative legacy. Now whether others want to judge whether it is any good or not, then that is their prerogative and best of British to them but in terms of being an imposter, then I struggle to understand how anybody can feel that way. You have either written a book that you are willing to put your name to or you have not. Yes, you need to have had it published in one format or the other and you need at least a single reader, whom you do not share DNA or children with, to tell you if they enjoyed it or not but other than that, what else is there to feel an imposter over? Your novel either exists or it does not. And if you have not plagarised anothers work, then pat yourself on the back, no matter what.

Of course you can place a variety of factors by which you can judge levels of success so in terms of financial, then no. My writing actually costs me money. Maybe one day it will not, and to be a professional in this business has to perhaps be the ambition for all of us. And I have not won any awards, although I have not entered any competitions so perhaps that can be negated. In terms of critical appraisal then I have to accept that I need to work on the technical aspects of my craft but nobody has once told me that my novels do not have beginnings, middles and ends that fail to make sense so I take that as a tick in the box. And nobody has ever said they did not enjoy reading them. Another tick.

And I do sometimes find myself aghast at how sensitive many writers are about what others might or might not think about them. We tell lies for fun and profit (and I stole that). If a doctor is an imposter then that matters, but us lot? Nah. We string words together and make up shit. And you either do or you do not. You cannot fake this.

Great, ain't it !

 

[Paul Whybrow]

Writing guru, Joanna Penn on 'How to Deal with Self-Doubt as a Writer':

How Writers Can Deal With Self-Doubt And Imposter Syndrome

 

[Howard]

Not watched that video yet @Paul Whybrow , but it baffles me that this is a thing. Not that people doubt themselves, but that this industry is so sick and twisted, it deliberately fosters self doubt. Unless an agent sees an instant paycheque the moment they look at your work, all they do is ignore you. Not reject you, not offer you any help, not give you any feedback of any variety. Just silence - that is all you get.
And so, those of us who write, are just left utterly clueless. Do we suck? Is our story garbage? Are we utterly kidding ourselves thinking we can write?
Of course, the parasites of the world see this as the ultimate opportunity, merrily taking cash from saps for courses that lead nowhere and offer nothing of value, but that is a whole different issue, and one not unique to writing.
Combine this with how utterly impossible it is to get useful, intelligent feedback from any other living human being, and I am surprised that anyone writes at all. Or maybe I'm surprised more writers are not atop high towers with precision rifles? In around 10 years of writing, and despite shrieking myself hoarse for it, I have received useful, critical feedback exactly 3 times, and one of those was Pete, last year.
It is, to reiterate, a sick business, and one that rewards the inept yet bankable while shunning everyone else.

Well: there's my rant for the day, apparently. Imma make dinner now and grumble to myself...

 

[Howard]

Watched the video while dinner was cooking. Good stuff. Certainly encouraging for those that need it. Cheers @Paul Whybrow

 

[Carol Rose]

I think it's a common emotion among people who strive to do well, no matter what their chosen field happens to be. Athletes, actors, musicians, dancers, writers, painters, anyone working a highly competitive corporate job ... the list goes on and on.

All the positive affirmations and pictures pasted on the wall still can't sometimes silence the voice in our head that whispers, "You suck. You're not good enough. You'll never get that promotion. You'll never win that game. You'll fall on your ass as soon as you hit the stage. Your books are complete garbage."

Other people can't really help us believe in ourselves. Not agents, editors, readers, or other writers. That has to come from deep within. It's the only place where we can hide from everyone else. It's the place where we can keep the reserves of whatever keeps us going when the doubt creeps in. And sometimes, we have nothing left in that pool.

Of course, the other side of this double-edge sword is that without raw talent to begin with, AND the determination to practice, practice, practice and put in the hard work to hone our skills, no amount of believing in ourselves is going to produce long term success.

But I get what some are saying. How do you know you have what it takes to succeed as a writer without feedback? Well, we're all very fortunate in that we have that at our disposal right here on Litopia. I've been a member here since the "old" days. Since before I was published. I've worked very hard at understanding the industry and the craft of writing. I've honed my skills. Absolutely no clue how many words I've written but it's well over that million mark by now. I've had feedback from inside the genre in which I write and outside of it. And yet, I'm racked with self doubt all the time. In fact, most of the authors I know are the same way. This doesn't stop when you get a "YES."

At the end of the day, every individual has to make a decision to keep going one more day, or not. But self doubt is part of the process. I'm betting all the Olympic athletes in South Korea right now are struggling with it. And who can blame them? It's a once-every-four years opportunity. Talk about pressure.

 

[Amber]

Not watched that video yet not give you any feedback of any variety. Just silence - that is all you get.

Combine this with how utterly impossible it is to get useful, intelligent feedback from any other living human being, and I am surprised that anyone writes at all. Or maybe I'm surprised more writers are not atop high towers with precision rifles? In around 10 years of writing, and despite shrieking myself hoarse for it, I have received useful, critical feedback exactly 3 times, and one of those was Pete, last year.
It is, to reiterate, a sick business, and one that rewards the inept yet bankable while shunning everyone else.

Well: there's my rant for the day, apparently. Imma make dinner now and grumble to myself...

I just want to understand, are you saying that the people who have read your writing, whether they're critique partners, friends, beta readers, or people who buy your self-published material, aren't giving you helpful feedback? I think what you're saying is that you don't get quality advice in terms of improving your writing.

And if this is actually what you're saying..... I have a message for you..... It's not their job to tell you what's right or wrong with your writing. When you get feedback, say, "Thank you." You don't have to understand it, agree with it, or like it. And I don't mean that in a rude way. I'm also not saying you've been ungrateful. I'm telling you you've missed opportunities. The reader, much like the customer, is always right. They're not always right about how to fix it, but they're always right. My most favorite writer in the world told me this and he's right. It shows in his writing.

I could go on and on about critiques and editing and beta reading etc. and what I've learned. But I'll spare you.

However, if you ever want me to read your writing, I'll read it and give you in-depth, quality, feedback.

 

[Amber]

Do any of you feel like fakes?
I think fake would be overstating it. But I understand the idea of not feeling like a real writer. It would be fair to say I have moments and/or periods of self-doubt.

What validates your life as a writer—the praise of friends and family—publication in a journal or being long-listed in a competition?
People who've read my writing say nice things about it. It feels good. People whose opinion I value say nice things about my writing. Before that, I had instructors who said nice things about my writing. Also, I've been paid to write. That helps.

But even so, sometimes none of this helps enough. My security as a writer is mood dependent. Which means, if I'm in a certain mood, and people say nice things about my writing, I think they're doing so to spare my feelings. Or, sometimes I go to critique group and no one has anything negative to say.

What she doesn't bring up in the video, perhaps because the video didn't have a psychology focus, is that writing is something people do which doesn't have much external reward. The reward for writing is in the act of writing. Wanting people to read it and say nice things about it, comes later, maybe.

Not very long ago I was telling someone, "I think I don't want people to read my writing." So much of myself is in my writing and I don't always want to be seen. Some of my characters are vague and they hide. They are often ambivalent. In many respects, this is okay. Ambivalence is a theme I have always enjoyed. Personally. It's something I think about quite a bit. But not wanting people to read my writing is a really sucky career strategy for a writer. So, I'm working on it and while I haven't changed the nature of my cagey characters, I've started writing more direct ones and throwing them in ... switching things up some.

When I'm calm, I don't have any doubts that I'm a good writer. I've had a ludicrous amount of encouragement. Although, not from family. Which, I suppose leads to the next question.

Is being a writer your darkest secret, only to be revealed when you're finally published?

It used to be.

What I loved about going to school (University) was that it gave me an excuse to write. I can sit down and write a paper in no time at all. Towards the end of my illustrious University career, when graduation was looming, I switched to creative writing, considered a double major, and an MFA. When I finally told people I wanted to be a writer, it was like coming out of the closet. My mother was an artist but I wasn't raised to be one.

I think about this a lot. Thirty years ago I had an English 101 professor who asked me to see her after class. This was at the beginning of the semester (term). She said, "I think you're very talented. I don't want you to feel restricted by the assignments. Use them as a guideline and write whatever you like."

I was a psychology major at the time. I don't think I take compliments very well. I didn't consider what a weird or unusual thing it must have been for her to do. Or say. To a freshman. I don't remember feeling special or even taking her seriously. But I should have. I should have switched majors and thrown myself into doing what I wanted to do.