The Writer and the Film Producer: An Extremely Soppy Fable (E-sop fable, for short)
The Writer has by dint of hard work, sleepless nights, chocolate, whisky and occasional visits from a supercilious Muse (‘I don’t mind slumming, it reminds me of how lucky I am’), has produced an epic work which is both devastating and uplifting in that it illustrates the pain and joy of human existence while leaving the reader inspired, tearful, exhausted, energised, collapsed in uncontrollable mirth and grief-stricken. You know the kind of thing, writers do it all the time. The Writer realises it would make a very good screenplay, and takes it to the Film Producer.
The Film Producer looks it over with his team of camera-men, special effects advisors and lawyers. They agree that it would make a very good screen play. Unfortunately, they have been working on something very similar themselves. Remarkably similar, in fact. So thanks, but no thanks. Go away, Writer.
The Writer returns to his garret and exists in poverty and despair for three years. Then he goes to see a newly released film, which he realises is—just as the Film Producer promised—remarkably similar to the work that he had shown to the Film Producer. He goes back to the Film Producer, and politely puts his case.
The Writer: Your film is so similar to my screenplay, I think there must have been a breach of copyright.
The Film Producer: Prove it.
The Writer: Err....
So the writer goes home and tries to find all his notes and early drafts and revisions (remember, this was from more than three years ago). After weeks of painstaking labour, he believes he has a case. He returns to the Film Producer.
The Writer: Look, here are all my Word documents with the early versions of my screenplay. You can see how similar it is to your film, you can see how it has developed over time, and, most importantly, you can see when it was written by reference to the dates that the files were created.
The Film Producer: [roars with laughter] That doesn’t prove anything! It’s easy for a clever IT guy to fake the date of a Word document! People do it all the time!
The Writer: But I didn’t do that!
The Film Producer: Prove it.
So the Writer goes away and hires a crack team of IT specialists. They are expensive, but this is the Writer’s life’s work, and he is determined to retrieve it from the clutches of the Film Producer. In fact, the Writer sells his computer, his books and all of his possessions excepting the hair shirt that he keeps for bad days. Eventually, the crack IT specialists, having taken all the Writer’s money, provide him with a short document stating that, in their opinion, with all the usual caveats, the Writer’s Word documents had not been tampered with and were indeed written on the indicated dates.
The Writer returns to the Film Producer. He is particularly uncomfortable with this meeting, because the hair shirt is very itchy.
The Writer: Look, I’ve proved it. I produced the work on which your film was based. You’ve breached copyright.
The Film Producer: So sue me.
The Writer: I can’t. I have no assets except a hair shirt.
The Film Producer: I know.
The above is ©Marc Joan, 2015.
