6. The Comedy of Errors
So here’s what I think happened; Shakespeare’s mate’s went to see Titus Andronicus, and promptly arranged an intervention.
‘Dude, are you ok? You really need help, man.’
And then they made him talk to someone for a very long time.
And then they got him laid.
Because, hurrah, hurrah, The Comedy of Errors, which is a joy. Basically, two sets of twins, so quadruple the opportunities for mistaken identity. Works like a charm. Lots of rhyming couplets worthy of Fezzik and Inigo in The Princess Bride. And some pretty good rants.
Also, love this description of a guy called Pinch: ‘a hungry lean-faced, a mere anatomy, a mountebank, a threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller, a nerdy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, a living-dead man.’
I can’t wait to look down my nose at someone and call them, ‘a mere anatomy’ with withering disdain.
Oooh, ooh, best bit is: NOBODY DIES!!
7/10, because even Spock enjoyed this one, and he has no sense of humour at all.
7. Two Gentlemen of Verona
Two seriously horny Italian men (we all know the sort, we’ve met them on holiday) try to get into some nice girls’ knickers. Trouble is, one of them is a gentlemen and the other is a total shit: needs a punch in the face, at the very least.
Favourite description - ‘the uncertain glory of an April day’. Marvellous.
The impact of this is spoilt, however, by this line on the next page - ‘these follies...shine through you like the water in an urinal’.
Word to the wise here, Will: quit while you’re ahead.
5/10
8. Love’s Labours Lost
Is absolutely unintelligible, so I didn’t understand a blithering word. Shakespeare has written a whole play with the motto ‘why use five words when fifty will do?’ And has also decided that, word-wise, bigger is better (FYI, Will, no-one needs to know the meaning of the word Thrasonical. We are never gonna slip that into the conversation).
The fact that I barely understood a word of it is nothing - even the characters in the play spent half their time saying, ‘I’m sorry, but could you just explain that please?’ leading to lots of weird, unenlightening, Shakespearean mansplaining.
There’s a poor chap called DULL (which should have been a clue had I been paying attention, instead of trying not to gauge out my own eyes). His mate says to him, ‘Thou hast spoken no word at all this while.’ To which he replies: ‘Nor understood none neither, sir.’
Dude, I’m feeling ya. Will obviously thought this was whip-smart wordplay. But you know when some brute of a dog nearly bites your leg off in the park, and then his owner claims he’s just playing? Yeah, it’s that kind of play.
1/10 because it also has no plot and a stupid ending.
9. Romeo and Juliet
This is The Sopranos meets The Godfather, with a bad case of teenage hormones thrown in to stir up more shit.
I’m aware that this is not a popular opinion, but as far as I can see Romeo and Juliet are a pair of over-entitled, self-serving, horny little brats.
Ok, they are both drop-dead gorgeous, so their instant attraction to one another is understandable. But she is an idiot, and he is one almighty drama queen. I wanted to smack their heads together most of the way through.
The reason we root for them is because this has more wondrously magical lines than all the plays I’ve read so far put together. We want to believe lies that are so beautifully told.
Sadly, no one does anything remotely motivated by love in the entire play, and the only one who talks any sense at all is Friar Laurence.
I did think killing them both off at the end, Tarantino style, was a bit over the top. The idea that this would stop the families feuding was, frankly, ludicrous. All it took to start a massive, sword-wielding barney at the beginning of the play was some dude biting his thumb: killing off the Godfather’s only heir was just gonna be adding fuel to the fire, surely?
(I reckon they just played nice in front of the Prince, and that if Will had got around to writing it, Romeo and Juliet 2 - Judgement Day would have been explosive.)
7/10 for being a joy to read.
10. A Midsummer Night’s Dream
This is great, unless you’re a girl, in which case it is shit.
There's Titania, the fairy Queen, who has a nasty practical joke played on her by her husband.
There's Helena, who nobody likes, for no good reason that I can see. Oh wait, she is quite clingy, self-pitying and whiney. But even so.
And then there's Hermia. She’s in love with Lysander, but her dad wants her to marry Demetrius - because he likes him.
Dad drags her off to see the Duke, who says, ‘how about it - he seems like a nice enough fella? It’ll make your dad happy?’
She points out that Lysander is also all-round good egg too.
To which dad says - and get this, cos I'm not even joking - can I kill her then?
Like WTF dad! That is NOT good parenting.
The only bloke that is the ‘butt’ of any joke is called Bottom (and, to be fair, we all saw that coming).
But his ‘punishment’ is to be treated like a God, and to spend the whole night in bed with Titania. Oh, the poor thing. Not.
Anyway, people have to run into the forest to avoid crazy-dad, and it's full of fairies, and weird plants with superpowers.
And here Shakespeare outdoes himself with some of his most rapturously wonderful lines. Just the rhythm of speaking them out loud is a treat.
Which is why (despite the dad from hell) I loved it.
7/10
So here’s what I think happened; Shakespeare’s mate’s went to see Titus Andronicus, and promptly arranged an intervention.
‘Dude, are you ok? You really need help, man.’
And then they made him talk to someone for a very long time.
And then they got him laid.
Because, hurrah, hurrah, The Comedy of Errors, which is a joy. Basically, two sets of twins, so quadruple the opportunities for mistaken identity. Works like a charm. Lots of rhyming couplets worthy of Fezzik and Inigo in The Princess Bride. And some pretty good rants.
Also, love this description of a guy called Pinch: ‘a hungry lean-faced, a mere anatomy, a mountebank, a threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller, a nerdy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, a living-dead man.’
I can’t wait to look down my nose at someone and call them, ‘a mere anatomy’ with withering disdain.
Oooh, ooh, best bit is: NOBODY DIES!!
7/10, because even Spock enjoyed this one, and he has no sense of humour at all.
7. Two Gentlemen of Verona
Two seriously horny Italian men (we all know the sort, we’ve met them on holiday) try to get into some nice girls’ knickers. Trouble is, one of them is a gentlemen and the other is a total shit: needs a punch in the face, at the very least.
Favourite description - ‘the uncertain glory of an April day’. Marvellous.
The impact of this is spoilt, however, by this line on the next page - ‘these follies...shine through you like the water in an urinal’.
Word to the wise here, Will: quit while you’re ahead.
5/10
8. Love’s Labours Lost
Is absolutely unintelligible, so I didn’t understand a blithering word. Shakespeare has written a whole play with the motto ‘why use five words when fifty will do?’ And has also decided that, word-wise, bigger is better (FYI, Will, no-one needs to know the meaning of the word Thrasonical. We are never gonna slip that into the conversation).
The fact that I barely understood a word of it is nothing - even the characters in the play spent half their time saying, ‘I’m sorry, but could you just explain that please?’ leading to lots of weird, unenlightening, Shakespearean mansplaining.
There’s a poor chap called DULL (which should have been a clue had I been paying attention, instead of trying not to gauge out my own eyes). His mate says to him, ‘Thou hast spoken no word at all this while.’ To which he replies: ‘Nor understood none neither, sir.’
Dude, I’m feeling ya. Will obviously thought this was whip-smart wordplay. But you know when some brute of a dog nearly bites your leg off in the park, and then his owner claims he’s just playing? Yeah, it’s that kind of play.
1/10 because it also has no plot and a stupid ending.
9. Romeo and Juliet
This is The Sopranos meets The Godfather, with a bad case of teenage hormones thrown in to stir up more shit.
I’m aware that this is not a popular opinion, but as far as I can see Romeo and Juliet are a pair of over-entitled, self-serving, horny little brats.
Ok, they are both drop-dead gorgeous, so their instant attraction to one another is understandable. But she is an idiot, and he is one almighty drama queen. I wanted to smack their heads together most of the way through.
The reason we root for them is because this has more wondrously magical lines than all the plays I’ve read so far put together. We want to believe lies that are so beautifully told.
Sadly, no one does anything remotely motivated by love in the entire play, and the only one who talks any sense at all is Friar Laurence.
I did think killing them both off at the end, Tarantino style, was a bit over the top. The idea that this would stop the families feuding was, frankly, ludicrous. All it took to start a massive, sword-wielding barney at the beginning of the play was some dude biting his thumb: killing off the Godfather’s only heir was just gonna be adding fuel to the fire, surely?
(I reckon they just played nice in front of the Prince, and that if Will had got around to writing it, Romeo and Juliet 2 - Judgement Day would have been explosive.)
7/10 for being a joy to read.
10. A Midsummer Night’s Dream
This is great, unless you’re a girl, in which case it is shit.
There's Titania, the fairy Queen, who has a nasty practical joke played on her by her husband.
There's Helena, who nobody likes, for no good reason that I can see. Oh wait, she is quite clingy, self-pitying and whiney. But even so.
And then there's Hermia. She’s in love with Lysander, but her dad wants her to marry Demetrius - because he likes him.
Dad drags her off to see the Duke, who says, ‘how about it - he seems like a nice enough fella? It’ll make your dad happy?’
She points out that Lysander is also all-round good egg too.
To which dad says - and get this, cos I'm not even joking - can I kill her then?
Like WTF dad! That is NOT good parenting.
The only bloke that is the ‘butt’ of any joke is called Bottom (and, to be fair, we all saw that coming).
But his ‘punishment’ is to be treated like a God, and to spend the whole night in bed with Titania. Oh, the poor thing. Not.
Anyway, people have to run into the forest to avoid crazy-dad, and it's full of fairies, and weird plants with superpowers.
And here Shakespeare outdoes himself with some of his most rapturously wonderful lines. Just the rhythm of speaking them out loud is a treat.
Which is why (despite the dad from hell) I loved it.
7/10
