11. King John
I’m not saying this is mind-numbingly boring, but I had insomnia last night, and this was the only thing that got me to sleep. Make of that what you will.
People fight, people die. Yeah, that’s about it.
Constance, who is mother to the real heir to the throne, is a bit of fun for being really ranty. Will’s histories are peppered with outraged, middle-aged, women shouting down Kings that have been stupid enough to tell them to shut up. But once she’s gone it’s not worth the paper.
It’s got a couple of characters called Bigot and Bastard, but even they don’t help.
And guess what’s NEVER mentioned? Yup, the Magna Carta.
Half/10 because Constance.
12. The Taming of the Shrew
At first sight this seems to sit somewhere between Stockholm Syndrome and a misogynist’s wet dream. But actually, methinks not so.
Although Petruchio swanks into the story declaring himself happy to marry anyone as long as the money’s good, there are plenty of other rich widows who could fill the slot (just ask Hortensio about them).
Instead he picks Katherine, who is widely considered some kind of demon-spawn for the terrible crime of being unwilling to toady up to every bloke she meets. Wow, what a bitch.
Her motto in life is ‘Why the fuck should I?’ and she’ll back this up with a strong right-hander if the buggers try anything.
Once married, our guy takes on her tantrums and then raises the stakes with levels of cray-cray no one has ever witnessed before.
The result: the most perfectly matched couple our Will has written so far.
And though it seems as if Kate capitulates at the end, the smart money says it’s all part of the game they are now playing together, as partners.
6/10
13. King Richard II
Another play where some batshit king decides to play the game of thrones as if it’s Russian roulette.
For once, nobody is after his crown, so he sets about raising taxes, starting a fight with Ireland, and basically doing the opposite of everything he’s advised to do.
Plus, he pisses-off, banishes, and disinherits the only guy with more claim to the thrown than him, giving credence to the idea that this is where the phrase ‘dickhead’ originated.
I had a moment of hope when I came across Bushy, Bagot and Green - which sounds like a firm of solicitors, but are listed in the Dramatis Personae as ‘creatures to the king’ (oh joy) - but even they can’t save this.
On the upside, Kirk is celebrating because we are a third of the way through, which means we’ve read 420g already (is a big book).
1/10
14. The Merchant of Venice
An odd, uncomfortable and disturbing play to read in the current climate, as it has racism at its core.
First, we have a time when charging interest on moneylending was regarded as a sin by the Catholic Church. However, the Jewish people weren’t allowed to own land or work in government, and most craft guilds wouldn’t accept them. So moneylending was pretty much the only occupation left.
Then we have Antonio - depicted as a saint of a man in the rest of the play - who openly spits on and abuses Shylock for the double ‘sins’ of being Jewish and a moneylender. So, just a knob then.
No surprise then that Shylock hates him back. Although painted as a greedy, mean-spirited Scrooge-like character, Shylock gets the best speech in the whole play: -
‘He hath disgraced me, and hinder’d me half a million; laught at my losses, mockt at my gains, scorn’d my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what’s his reason? I am a Jew.
Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal’d by the same means, warm’d and cool’d by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.’
Great stuff, right? But this leads to a crap bargain for both parties and the whole ‘pound of flesh’ thing kicks off.
As for the other main character, Portia, I’m completely flummoxed. I’ve genuinely no idea why she dresses as a man to go and be both prosecuting counsel and judge (no conflict of interest there then) in the Shylock/Antonio showdown.
And then Shylock is forced to convert to Christianity. Jeeeeesus! (see what I did there?)
3/10 because WTAF?
15. Henry IV part 1
Any play that kicks off with a King saying, ‘well, everything’s peaceful here; let’s clear off and assault the holy land’ will invariably include a messenger bouncing in from the side, muttering, ‘yeah, but there’s trouble in the west’. Obvs.
This is also the first time we meet Sir John Falstaff, who crops up so often he ended up with his own opera. And, due mainly to the presence of said Falstaff, it has more inventive insults that any play I’ve read so far.
I made a list.
You get the usual adjective/noun pairings:
Fat-kidney’d rascal
Whoreson caterpillar
Bacon-fed knave (what did bacon do?)
Gorbellied knave
Fat chuff
Frosty-spirited rogue
Pagan rascal
Mad-headed ape
Clay-brain’d guts
Dried neat’s tongue
Naughty varlet (is there another kind?)
Gray iniquity (my new nickname)
Smiling pick-thanks
Base news-monger
Sneak cup
Soused Gurnet
Hot termagant
Then some that don’t seem that offensive:
Lack-brain
Cuckoo
Sheath
Bow-case
Tailor’s yard
Eel-skin
Reverend vice
Father ruffian
Vanity in years
Stock-fish
Trunk of humours
Foot land-raker
Long-staff sixpenny striker
Bed-presser (?)
And my particular favourite: A bunch of radish (just, why?)
Then some with a bit more bite to them:
Bull’s-pizzle
Whoreson round man
Vile standing tuck
Old white-bearded Satan
Bolting-hutch of beastliness
Swoll’n parcel of dropsies
Huge bombard of sack
Stuft cloakbag of guts
Villainous, abominable misleader of youth
Whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-keech
The oddly specific: Roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly
And the rather wonderful: Mad mustachio purple-headed malt-worm
And if none of these take your fancy, there’s always this mouthful: Leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, nott-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddies-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch.
3/10 because Falstaff.
I’m not saying this is mind-numbingly boring, but I had insomnia last night, and this was the only thing that got me to sleep. Make of that what you will.
People fight, people die. Yeah, that’s about it.
Constance, who is mother to the real heir to the throne, is a bit of fun for being really ranty. Will’s histories are peppered with outraged, middle-aged, women shouting down Kings that have been stupid enough to tell them to shut up. But once she’s gone it’s not worth the paper.
It’s got a couple of characters called Bigot and Bastard, but even they don’t help.
And guess what’s NEVER mentioned? Yup, the Magna Carta.
Half/10 because Constance.
12. The Taming of the Shrew
At first sight this seems to sit somewhere between Stockholm Syndrome and a misogynist’s wet dream. But actually, methinks not so.
Although Petruchio swanks into the story declaring himself happy to marry anyone as long as the money’s good, there are plenty of other rich widows who could fill the slot (just ask Hortensio about them).
Instead he picks Katherine, who is widely considered some kind of demon-spawn for the terrible crime of being unwilling to toady up to every bloke she meets. Wow, what a bitch.
Her motto in life is ‘Why the fuck should I?’ and she’ll back this up with a strong right-hander if the buggers try anything.
Once married, our guy takes on her tantrums and then raises the stakes with levels of cray-cray no one has ever witnessed before.
The result: the most perfectly matched couple our Will has written so far.
And though it seems as if Kate capitulates at the end, the smart money says it’s all part of the game they are now playing together, as partners.
6/10
13. King Richard II
Another play where some batshit king decides to play the game of thrones as if it’s Russian roulette.
For once, nobody is after his crown, so he sets about raising taxes, starting a fight with Ireland, and basically doing the opposite of everything he’s advised to do.
Plus, he pisses-off, banishes, and disinherits the only guy with more claim to the thrown than him, giving credence to the idea that this is where the phrase ‘dickhead’ originated.
I had a moment of hope when I came across Bushy, Bagot and Green - which sounds like a firm of solicitors, but are listed in the Dramatis Personae as ‘creatures to the king’ (oh joy) - but even they can’t save this.
On the upside, Kirk is celebrating because we are a third of the way through, which means we’ve read 420g already (is a big book).
1/10
14. The Merchant of Venice
An odd, uncomfortable and disturbing play to read in the current climate, as it has racism at its core.
First, we have a time when charging interest on moneylending was regarded as a sin by the Catholic Church. However, the Jewish people weren’t allowed to own land or work in government, and most craft guilds wouldn’t accept them. So moneylending was pretty much the only occupation left.
Then we have Antonio - depicted as a saint of a man in the rest of the play - who openly spits on and abuses Shylock for the double ‘sins’ of being Jewish and a moneylender. So, just a knob then.
No surprise then that Shylock hates him back. Although painted as a greedy, mean-spirited Scrooge-like character, Shylock gets the best speech in the whole play: -
‘He hath disgraced me, and hinder’d me half a million; laught at my losses, mockt at my gains, scorn’d my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what’s his reason? I am a Jew.
Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal’d by the same means, warm’d and cool’d by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.’
Great stuff, right? But this leads to a crap bargain for both parties and the whole ‘pound of flesh’ thing kicks off.
As for the other main character, Portia, I’m completely flummoxed. I’ve genuinely no idea why she dresses as a man to go and be both prosecuting counsel and judge (no conflict of interest there then) in the Shylock/Antonio showdown.
And then Shylock is forced to convert to Christianity. Jeeeeesus! (see what I did there?)
3/10 because WTAF?
15. Henry IV part 1
Any play that kicks off with a King saying, ‘well, everything’s peaceful here; let’s clear off and assault the holy land’ will invariably include a messenger bouncing in from the side, muttering, ‘yeah, but there’s trouble in the west’. Obvs.
This is also the first time we meet Sir John Falstaff, who crops up so often he ended up with his own opera. And, due mainly to the presence of said Falstaff, it has more inventive insults that any play I’ve read so far.
I made a list.
You get the usual adjective/noun pairings:
Fat-kidney’d rascal
Whoreson caterpillar
Bacon-fed knave (what did bacon do?)
Gorbellied knave
Fat chuff
Frosty-spirited rogue
Pagan rascal
Mad-headed ape
Clay-brain’d guts
Dried neat’s tongue
Naughty varlet (is there another kind?)
Gray iniquity (my new nickname)
Smiling pick-thanks
Base news-monger
Sneak cup
Soused Gurnet
Hot termagant
Then some that don’t seem that offensive:
Lack-brain
Cuckoo
Sheath
Bow-case
Tailor’s yard
Eel-skin
Reverend vice
Father ruffian
Vanity in years
Stock-fish
Trunk of humours
Foot land-raker
Long-staff sixpenny striker
Bed-presser (?)
And my particular favourite: A bunch of radish (just, why?)
Then some with a bit more bite to them:
Bull’s-pizzle
Whoreson round man
Vile standing tuck
Old white-bearded Satan
Bolting-hutch of beastliness
Swoll’n parcel of dropsies
Huge bombard of sack
Stuft cloakbag of guts
Villainous, abominable misleader of youth
Whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-keech
The oddly specific: Roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly
And the rather wonderful: Mad mustachio purple-headed malt-worm
And if none of these take your fancy, there’s always this mouthful: Leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, nott-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddies-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch.
3/10 because Falstaff.
