Blurb Challenge for Pete

[BarbaraUS]

Not sure if this is the right place for this question but I would be interested in having Pete rewrite the blurb from one of the monthly pop-up submission winners - i.e., what would it take to get a score of 5?! His marks are usually low which I understand based on the webinar. In contrast, guests seem to be looking for other things in blurbs and often score even wordy blurbs very high. The question is: how should we write our blurb for a pop-up submission? Math seems to suggest pleasing the crowd versus not. Of note, Genius Room seems to give unwarranted high scores too. What to do?

 

[CageSage]

Did you watch the Writing Killer Blurbs seminar?
If you did, watch how critical he was of his own early blurbs, and what he saw in other blurbs that he rated highly. But, in order to write a full blurb for a submission, he'd have to know a lot more of the story than the opening 700 words, and a good synopsis of the story, too.

Guests may be in the same boat as a reader and not know the deeper purpose of the blurb as a sales-oriented weapon so it's appealing to their sense of intrigue, rather than rating it based on the 'shape' of it to suit a purpose.
Using copywriting strategies, the shape of the blurb has an inciting opening or header section (the attention-getting), followed by teasing fill in the middle (the emotional entanglement), and ending with a form of something that calls the reader to take an action (CTA).
Finding ways to put that around a book-blurb is still a nightmare, but knowing the shape for a blurb is like knowing the structure for a story - it's the start of the blurb story, not a strait-jacket.

Well, that's what I think and feel about it, and although this knowledge has improved my blurbs, I think I still have a long way to go to get a deeper understanding to enable a highly-rated response from Pop-Ups!

 

[RK Wallis]

I have noticed this too @BarbaraUS, but I've always had it in my mind that Pete's scores are the 'agent' scores, so Pete gives you the agent perspective as if you were querying because agents want something they can sell, and they know publishers aren't an easy sell.

Whereas the Genius Room is the reader perspective, and there are some fabulous concepts out there. The GR instinctively recognises that, but Pete understands more work is needed. So, the way I see it, if you get a decent score from Pete (80 odd - but I could be wrong, it may need to be higher), then you're ready to query. Of course, I could totally be off base. I'd love to read what others think.

Ask at a Huddle in the New Year

 

[Hannah F]

There is no hard and fast rule, only guidelines. Sometimes we get a blurb that doesn't fit conventional guidelines but piques your interest enough to really want to listen to those first 700 words. If that's the case for me, I will score it highly. However, if you follow the advice on "How to Write a Killer Blurb", you are more likely to hit that sweet spot of getting the browser to want to read your book. That's the sole job of the blurb.

 

[BarbaraUS]

Did you watch the Writing Killer Blurbs seminar?
If you did, watch how critical he was of his own early blurbs, and what he saw in other blurbs that he rated highly. But, in order to write a full blurb for a submission, he'd have to know a lot more of the story than the opening 700 words, and a good synopsis of the story, too.

Guests may be in the same boat as a reader and not know the deeper purpose of the blurb as a sales-oriented weapon so it's appealing to their sense of intrigue, rather than rating it based on the 'shape' of it to suit a purpose.
Using copywriting strategies, the shape of the blurb has an inciting opening or header section (the attention-getting), followed by teasing fill in the middle (the emotional entanglement), and ending with a form of something that calls the reader to take an action (CTA).
Finding ways to put that around a book-blurb is still a nightmare, but knowing the shape for a blurb is like knowing the structure for a story - it's the start of the blurb story, not a strait-jacket.

Well, that's what I think and feel about it, and although this knowledge has improved my blurbs, I think I still have a long way to go to get a deeper understanding to enable a highly-rated response from Pop-Ups!

Hi-I've watched it twice and have a 50-word blurb, and am thinking it just might hit most of the marks Pete shared. But again, I'm thinking it wouldn't hit the mark with the guests or GR for all the reasons you and others note. So, if we want to be competitive on pop-up, I guess that's the crowd to please? Still think it would be cool to see how Pete would improve the blurbs of the winners. In the meantime, can anyone point me to a blurb Pete scored with a 4 or 5? Thanks in advance!

 

[Hannah F]

As @RK Capps said, bring it to a huddle

 

[Barbara]

hit the mark with the guests or GR for all the reasons you and others note. So, if we want to be competitive on pop-up, I guess that's the crowd to please?

I wonder if you're looking for the magic formula. I wish I had it so I could give it.

Like Hannah said, it's not necessarily about finding THE perfect formula. That's like asking what's the recipe for success. There isn't one. A formula gives you the baseline to work with and Pete's seminar gives a fabulous tool for a good, above average blurb which you can fly with. (Glad you've seen the clip.) But in the end it's the 'je ne sais quoi' which sells a blurb to anyone (not just to the pop-upers), and that can't be bottled. A blurb could technically be a bad blurb but something in its words just hit the emotional buttons. Equally, it could be written according to a formula and still be devoid of that magic. It's about finding that.


I also think we can't write our blurbs with specific people in mind, i.e. Pete, or for the guests, or for the genious room, or all of them, and yes we need to get them all on our side for a high score. But what works one day may not get such high scores on another. The guests vary, so do the genii cos not all the same genii are there every week (although it's generally the same crowd). Everyone is human with our own chaos and variables. The way blurbs, and any writing, are received depends on so many things even the person's mood of the day. What goes down well might not do quite so well another day. So I don't think you can write to fit a pop up.

I know I'm stating the obvious but we can't please everyone. One agent might hate one blurb which another falls over backwards for. All you can do is put the best submission package in place and let fate roll.

I don't think Pete would rewrite the submitted blurbs because he couldn't possibly unless he knew the entire plot. But I agree it would be interesting to see, but ...

.... if you bring yours to a huddle you'll get his and the other Huddlers (many of whom are in the Genious room on a Sunday) in-depth input. Usually we go deep into the works that people bring along and discuss it for ages. You will basically get personalised help. You can then 'go home' and hone it and bring it back again. Huddles are totally give and take. We all help each other and your fellow Huddlers will hope that you give your input help to their work in turn, so Huddles often turn into a grand team session on the evening's pieces. It's a supportive and fun environment where we share and chip in. Very elating and uplifting. Come along. It would be nice to see you there.

Only you can find the magic for your work but we can help and guide you there.

 

[Dorm Ant]

Barbara US, welcome to Litopia. With regards to Pop Ups blurbs, there's all sorts of things to consider. When I look at a blurb on my laptop screen, I will react differently than if I were scrolling through book blurbs on Amazon (other booksellers are available) seeking a book to buy.

My own pop up blurb scored 75, I think. Pete scored me 60. I hadn't attended the seminar, back then, and so I had no way of knowing that 140 words was too long. A huddle, a workshop and some private chats later, and I have a kickass 45 word stunner. You can do the same.

 

[MartinR]

I like your idea, @BarbaraUS, but I can see the point that Pete would need to know the entire story to make it work. What if Pete or someone else tried to write a deliberately bad blurb for a well-known novel and then rewrote that. Thinking seasonally, A Christmas Carol would do the trick. That would illustrate the good and bad very clearly, I'd say.

 

[CageSage]

Something I heard the other day, and I'm considering placing within the context of blurbing:

What reader fantasy does this story fulfil? How to let that reader know this is the story to do that for them?

It's going to take some thought about both those questions before I put it to the blurb structure, but it piqued my interest and I went looking at a few book descriptions to see what it was that made me lean closer ...

When I did my last Pop-Ups submission, the blurb scored 80, but I still changed it (left some of the original in the book and on the website, though).

 

[Barbara]

What reader fantasy does this story fulfil? How to let that reader know this is the story to do that for them?

Ooooooooooooooh. There's a good question. Love it!

 

[Hannah F]

Something I heard the other day, and I'm considering placing within the context of blurbing:

What reader fantasy does this story fulfil? How to let that reader know this is the story to do that for them?

It's going to take some thought about both those questions before I put it to the blurb structure, but it piqued my interest and I went looking at a few book descriptions to see what it was that made me lean closer ...

When I did my last Pop-Ups submission, the blurb scored 80, but I still changed it (left some of the original in the book and on the website, though).

Gosh, yes. And why one turns other books down. It's still very subjective, but we should be writing the book that we, as a reader, would want to read, so we need to be hooked by our own blurb. Hmm. How difficult will that be to judge!

 

[Pamela Jo]

I don't like the word fantasy there. Seems patronising towards those who are your patrons. It is important to pinpoint what you are selling, though. Perhaps need is a better word. What need are you fulfilling? If you sell the sizzle not the steak-what do you sell if you have bacon? The smell in the morning? The sharp contrast against lettuce and tomato on grainy wholewheat bread? The indescribable flavour that probably is very like Long Pork?

 

[Pamela Jo]

Something I heard the other day, and I'm considering placing within the context of blurbing:

What reader fantasy does this story fulfil? How to let that reader know this is the story to do that for them?

It's going to take some thought about both those questions before I put it to the blurb structure, but it piqued my interest and I went looking at a few book descriptions to see what it was that made me lean closer ...

When I did my last Pop-Ups submission, the blurb scored 80, but I still changed it (left some of the original in the book and on the website, though).

Burbs really have to deliver though. I bought a book for full price in a bookstore because the blurb promised me something new with a Viking ritualistic sacrifice cherry on top. Instead I paid for a writing style that made Hemingway look like Dickens. The POV not only switched around constantly the camera was held in so tightly that the reader only got a few words to try to figure out what was going on. And yet it was such a cheap easy the-butler-did-it plot I figured out the murderer not even a third in. (When it's the character that is ostentatiously innocuous and innocent -the butler did it.) It's easier to sell than deliver the goods.
Better to sell fewer books to your real target audience than rip someone off. I'd do some Viking ritual on the publisher who conned me out of my 15 euros when I hadn't been in a bookshop for 2 years and really wanted a good experience from buying a book.

 

[Hannah F]

I might buy a book because the blurb promises to fulfill a need. I'll probably buy a book if the blurb promises to fulfill a fantasy. Jojo Moyes "The Horse Dancer" did not fulfill a need (apart from escapism, but any well-written novel should do that). It gave me the promise of fulfilling a fantasy and delivered. If someone had said, in words, that's what the novel would do, I would not feel at all patronised. There is nothing wrong with fantasising.

 

[CageSage]

the word fantasy

In using the word fantasy for the blurb/reader interaction I don't mean a 'fantasy genre' but the reader's need to feel the emotional context, or the desire to be in a world/place/time that appeals to them. It's 'fantasy' in the sense of not 'real-world' rather than an unreality. Maybe when I'm looking for a new read, I think: no, I don't want to feel the emo of this, or this, or this, but, oh, that feels interesting. It's their world as they read it, and they immerse themselves in the world of the book for that time.

 

[Pamela Jo]

I do understand, but I feel that it is discounting what a reader wants to get from story. Fantasy is ephemeral, an entertainment. Story is so important that it is necessary for any change whether personal or cultural. I think this agent is correct about the paintings on cave walls.

 

[BarbaraUS]

Wow. I missed a lot while away. This got to be an interesting thread. I hope to join a huddle in January and will pick your brains then! Meanwhile, knowing there is no right or wrong, what is the general consensus on using second person in the blurb as Pete recommends vs naming the character(s)? Happy New Year all.

 

[RK Wallis]

Wow. I missed a lot while away. This got to be an interesting thread. I hope to join a huddle in January and will pick your brains then! Meanwhile, knowing there is no right or wrong, what is the general consensus on using second person in the blurb as Pete recommends vs naming the character(s)? Happy New Year all.

I honestly think it depends on the story. If it works, it works. Sorry, I know that's not very helpful

 

[AgentPete]

Good observations, @BarbaraUS !

Sorry this is a slow response. Things have been a bit chaotic for us personally in recent weeks, settling down now.

And btw, if you want to be sure I see a post or thread, please use the “@” symbol in front of my name, e.g. thus: @AgentPete… .which will send me an alert. I’d far prefer to receive dozens of alerts rather than miss conversations!

OK, to your point.

1) I’m not going to start re-writing Pop-Up blurbs! I’ve written / edited / fought over so many blurbs over the years, and I know just how much hard work they can be. A week, two weeks… seriously, it can be pretty gruelling.

Having said that, of course, in Huddles I / we do quite frequently have a crack at someone’s blurb… I can’t stop myself

2) Yes, please do watch the Blurb seminar.

3) You’re right, my marks for blurbs are often lower than most. But then, that’s true of many / most of my marks, too. The agent tends to see things rather simplistically – “is this ready for market?”. If yes, then the marks are high, because I and my compatriots can turn a quick buck without too much effort. Those are the sorts of projects we like

If it’s not ready for market, then the question arises – how much more work is there to do? If it’s a quick fix, then OK, let's crack on with it. But if not, then it quickly becomes problematic.

p.

 

[Pamela Jo]

@Agent Pete. I'm curious if you like this blurb for your clients book. Why? Why Not?
"Thousands of years ago, a powerful and malevolent force conjured a demon: a demon so evil that it could only be contained in the body of a ferocious bear, a demon determined to destroy the world. Only one boy can stop it ...

Twelve-year-old Torak sees his father murdered by the bear. With his dying breath, he asks his son to make him a promise. Alone, wounded, terrified and on the run, Torak must now lead the bear to the Mountain of the World Spirit - a mountain that no one has ever found before. But can Torak keep his promise?

A terrifying quest commences in a world of wolves, tree spirits and Hidden People, a world in which trusting a friend means risking your life."

 

[Dorm Ant]

I think that's a very wordy, waffly blurb that uses 10 words where 4 will do, and leaves me thinking, so what?

 

[Hannah F]

@Agent Pete. I'm curious if you like this blurb for your clients book. Why? Why Not?
"Thousands of years ago, a powerful and malevolent force conjured a demon: a demon so evil that it could only be contained in the body of a ferocious bear, a demon determined to destroy the world. Only one boy can stop it ...

Twelve-year-old Torak sees his father murdered by the bear. With his dying breath, he asks his son to make him a promise. Alone, wounded, terrified and on the run, Torak must now lead the bear to the Mountain of the World Spirit - a mountain that no one has ever found before. But can Torak keep his promise?

A terrifying quest commences in a world of wolves, tree spirits and Hidden People, a world in which trusting a friend means risking your life."

Pete has kind of already answered that in the seminar about the blurb. Also, that book was first published in 2004. Media, social media, and potential buyer browsing habits have evolved since then.

 

[Pamela Jo]

Pete has kind of already answered that in the seminar about the blurb. Also, that book was first published in 2004. Media, social media, and potential buyer browsing habits have evolved since then.

Sorry, I disagree. This is an example to me of giving away the twist ending in the synopsis. If it is not I would like to know why. Especially if people are using it as a model for writing blurbs today.

 

[AgentPete]

That's a very on-point question... I can’t really answer, especially in public. Ask me in a Huddle

 

[BarbaraUS]

BLURB BOX QUESTION ON SUBMISSION PAGE - I'm getting ready to submit to Pop-Up! Is there any way to have text in italics and/or bold in the blurb box? Had a final sentence that I wanted to stand out. Thanks in advance! Once I know, I'm hitting 'SUBMIT.' @Hannah @Jonny F @AgentPete

 

[Hannah F]

BLURB BOX QUESTION ON SUBMISSION PAGE - I'm getting ready to submit to Pop-Up! Is there any way to have text in italics and/or bold in the blurb box? Had a final sentence that I wanted to stand out. Thanks in advance! Once I know, I'm hitting 'SUBMIT.' @Hannah @Jonny F @AgentPete

Eek! Don't ask me. I'm just a voice on the show.